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Submit ConfessionGender: Female1 July 2026 at 11:15 pm
Why Did My Caste Question Cause Him To Ghost Me?
F29 | CTC not relevant | Ghosted after asking about caste. I am a Bihari - origin girl born and brought up near Kolkata. Most of my neighbours are Bihari as well, although most of my school friends and college friends are Bengalis. For the last 7 years, I've been working as an accountant in a small firm in Howrah. Recently, I joined a gym in my hometown (where I stay with my parents) and noticed a Bengali guy: he was mildly muscular, worked out wearing earphones , and talked to no one except the trainers. A few months after I joined the gym, he and I ended up using the same machine at the same time. We struck off a conversation and became friendly very quickly, sharing everything from diseases / injuries, hormone cycles, work, weather, etc. Somewhere along the way, I developed a crush on him (I had a feeling that the feeling was mutual). Before proceeding any further, I wanted to verify our compatibility. So I asked him which caste he belonged to. As soon as I asked him the question, he stared at me as if I was a criminal. He rudely replied that he has no caste, and walked away. Since that day, he rarely acknowledgdes me in the gym (and puts on his earphones if he sees me). I don't get what I did or said wrong. Please advise
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💬 Comments (13)
Most Bengalis hate caste-motivated relationships, hence the reality you're facing. For us, caste is as irrelevant as it can get. The only thing that matters to us is how you are as a person. By asking about caste, you created the worst possible first impression.
Well you could have used the another terms like "What's your full name ???" Or etc ..
Nai batana hoga usko. May be he is from a caste which everyone sees from some other point of view
Caste out of everything!!?? Why ma'am?!
Some people here are suggesting that the man might belong to a very low caste (did they mean 'untouchable'?) and that he felt ashamed to reveal his background to this girl who was clearly drawn to him. In response, I would simply point out that the notion of a "low" caste has traditionally been far more ambiguous in Bengali Hindu society. The rigid caste hierarchies that have persisted elsewhere in India never existed in Bengal or Assam.
Never ask a Bengali which caste they belong to. It's considered bad manners.Even right-wing Bengalis oppose caste-based supremacy and do intercaste marraige. You literally created the worst possible first impression. He will hate you forever
Shram wali caste hogi uski
My bro showed a caste infected bimari it's place. This is the way these bimaris are spreading their filth in Kolkata and Bengal. So proud of you vai 🙌🙌
Bro knows how to handle the situation smartly and logically 🗿🗿
Hlo Pl eta dakh. "nO bRo Bihari girls ain't the same bRo" 🥴🥴
you did not do anything wrong, but saved your heart from getting used. the guy, however, was not into the game. He might be healing from sth. who knows. But you beware of such thing in gym. it is not a place assigned for dating tbh.
He seems genuinely offended. Most Bengalis are highly educated and broad-minded. But his reaction seemed a bit much for just one question. Judging by the other comments, it also seems to be a taboo topic for many Bengalis. Maybe it was a big deal to him, or maybe he's just a bit rude. Leave it. Don't try to talk to him now. And if he also had a crush on you, I think he would've reacted differently.
As a Bengali myself, Bengalis don’t flaunt their caste… even asking about it, is considered rude. We are proud of our ethnic identity. Casteist is a red flag for us