I am a 31-year-old woman, and I have reached a point where I resent my husband. I feel like I have lost my confidence, my career, my sense of identity, and even my belief in my own beauty because of this marriage. I got married in an arranged marriage soon after graduating from college. I had no previous dating experience. I worked for only about two years before moving to another country with my husband. Due to visa restrictions, I was unable to continue working. Soon after, I had two children, and since then I have been a full-time stay-at-home mother. My days are filled with taking care of two young children, cooking, cleaning, managing the household, and even looking after a rental property. Despite everything I do, my husband often makes me feel as though I contribute nothing. I am also trying to find a work-from-home job so I can earn something and regain some financial independence. His behavior is unpredictable. Some days he is kind and supportive, but on other days he insults and belittles me. He says things like I don't do anything, no one likes me, I'm illiterate, lazy, and worthless. At times, he uses extremely abusive and degrading language, calling me names such as l**i aurat and r**di. I am a 31-year-old woman, and I have reached a point where I resent my husband. I feel like I have lost my confidence, my career, my sense of identity, and even my belief in my own beauty because of this marriage. I got married in an arranged marriage soon after graduating from college. I had no previous dating experience. I worked for only about two years before moving to another country with my husband. Due to visa restrictions, I was unable to continue working. Soon after, I had two children, and since then I have been a full-time stay-at-home mother. My days are filled with taking care of two young children, cooking, cleaning, managing the household, and even looking after a rental property. Despite everything I do, my husband often makes me feel as though I contribute nothing. I am also trying to find a work-from-home job so I can earn something and regain some financial independence. His behavior is unpredictable. Some days he is kind and supportive, but on other days he insults and belittles me. He says things like I don't do anything, no one likes me, I'm illiterate, lazy, and worthless. At times, he uses extremely abusive and degrading language, calling me names such as "l**i aurat" and "r**di." Most of the time, I stay quiet to avoid arguments, but sometimes I reach my limit and respond. I have no real support from my parents. Their only advice is to stay quiet and adjust. My husband often taunts me over things that are not even true, which makes me question myself and leaves me emotionally exhausted. Living with him has become extremely difficult, but I feel trapped because I have nowhere else to go. Most of the time, I stay quiet to avoid arguments, but sometimes I reach my limit and respond. I have no real support from my parents. Their only advice is to stay quiet and adjust. My husband often taunts me over things that are not even true, which makes me question myself and leaves me emotionally exhausted. Living with him has become extremely difficult, but I feel trapped because I have nowhere else to go.
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💬 Comments (38)
You’re already contributing a lot , but in our society, contribution is only measured in money… sad but true…it’s not your fault tho, some people are just shitty,,, get a job and save yourself from this toxicity, it has nothing to serve you… at the end, no one saves you but yourself. Stay strong , best wishes ❤️
His words don't define your worth
Don't tolerate his atrocities, answer him in his own language, do something that makes him afraid of you, this is the only solution.
Feel so sorry for you. This is the story of most arranged marriages stay at home mom's. You havemlost your confidence and identity. The best thing would be to start working outside, even if it's part time. You can arrange around your children's school timing. Get hold of your life. You are still young. Do something now instead of regretting for the rest of your life.
You have kids. Don't get depressed. Talk to him. If you have restrictions to work how would you work? He knows everything, but to show his male ego, he will say like that. If you have time do things which makes you happy like hobbies, but talk with your husband about his behaviour and how it hurts you.
Start doing frdship dear with same native language people Join any good community ( watsapp or ladies group) . Start talking with people. Ask ideas how you can start working in your country. Commonon dear: almost all husband's say the same thing once we start sitting at home n taking care of kids. Y can't you reply him back if he uses bad words.? Don't shout but just smile n say some bad word or just smile n say Same to you N if you are not contributing anything- hahaha that house n a family would not have existed. Learn to talk. Come out of self sympathy. You need job first n foremost. Search ....in Google n search linkedIn. Sign up in each n every website. Ask reference. See dear you get everything in youtube n Google. Only thing that's making you far from job is : Your thinking. THINK N IT WILL HAPPEN. TRUST ME. you thought to put a post You did it. Similarly... Go ahead. Start living your life. Start it. Don't think your husband's words are golden n he is super power man n he is super god. How much of experience you have in marriage, same step he is standing. Both equal. Then Y worry. Then Y too much stress n headache 😄. Is it? Now stop everything. Take care of your kids like a queen. Please make frds , .....n talk n get help from them for jobs. Make your resume ( if you are seriously looking for jobs) Don't fear.Take a step n see the difference. Take Step. All the Best.
Even after being so good having to listen to all those insults is deeply painful U also deserve a good life emotional bonding care love n happiness Never ever lose ur self-respect When hes gd with u explain him how much it hurts when he abuse u If possible get a job It will divert ur mind n u will also be able to do something for urself n fr ur children
Just be clear talk to him nd ask him to treat u right otherwise u will file for divorce.
This is too much, calling ur spouse r**ndi and all. What made u choose him and move to another country after marriage? Hardly anyone can help you. Had you been here maybe someone could have helped. No one knows what goes on in the country u are. It's arranged marriage, understandable that luck plays a major factor. But I would advise don't depend on luck and circumstances, create ur own way out if u want to come out of it.
It is good that you are trying to find a job. But to immediately uplift your mood and improve your life start some hobby class or group activities! Dance, singing, yoga, gym anything ... such activities uplift your mood and meeting with new people gives you new perspective. You will learn to not give a damn about what your hubby says ... Sharing this because i was in your shoes 11 years ago, when my twins were born in a new country and i became a stay at home mom... Groom yourself with clothes, makeup, books and new skills ... it will help you love yourself 🙂 all the best Dear .. you will find yourself very soon 👍
Find a job ..leave that ass...divorce and joint parent the kids
Do some "work from home" which gives you money or vlogging maybe. In some marriages a person's worth is defined by the money you make not the chores you do. Money, any amount gives you confidence. Pray things get better soon.
Your husband is a narcissist. Educate yourself about this mental disorder. This will help you in understanding him better and then developing a coping mechanism to maintain your sanity and self-worth. Otherwise you will get exhausted soon and will loose the enthusiasm to live. There will be nothing left within you to rejoice and cherish life. Be quick in taking these steps. Work on your physical emotional and financial health. This man will rob you off with whatever energy and confidence you have, by taunting you, belittling you etc. Act fast. Take charge of your life.
Try to get a job..once you get it. Leave him immediately. Stop talking to him
When people think you have nowhere to go they start taking you for granted and treat you like crap. I suggest you go for higher qualification then continue your career otherwise life will become hell with the man you just described
Firstly what he says doesn’t define you. The best thing you could do for yourself is pick up new or old hobbies. Work out. Read books. Join some classes like aerial yoga or zumba because they are fun. Your mood will start lifting up, your skin will glow, you will give yourself more love.
Instead of thinking much, gain financial independence and never never miss it again, Best luck.
Please find a job, leave kids with him to manage sometimes. Pay attention for your well-being. It’s a tough situation but you have time to build yourself back.
Arranged marriage way is only beneficial to npd who get into relationship. Thatswhy these people defend our Arranged marriage culture. It is completely natural and it happens last 5k yrs. Don't think like a self esteem woman. Be a girl. Maintain your child as boy or girl. Don't give option to grow as woman or man. That is our culture ultimate goal. Thatswhy we keep npd in every family through our culture. Thx to our culture.
Try taking online tuitions or home tuitions in ur community
Please get you confidence back and try for work outside also get a job small or big You can divorce your husband and get a fat almoney for you and your children
Precisely why women shouldnt rely upon men and shouldnt be bringing kids without getting paid for and securing her future..if men are so much in love with children, they can go adopt a couple of them from an orphanage
Too many holes in the story, I’d like to hear the other side.
Then start working. Simple. Hope you don't repeat things at home, like in the OP.
I would not wish what my mom has gone through on any lady. She has gone through your exact same word to word...(Apart from Dubai context)
Donot tolerate.... Don't reply.... Always remember God is there. Whatever may be there. Don't be depressed.. Don't be suicidal. If you feel very depressed WhatsApp me on 7980121659. I will be there.
All I can is leave now cause I have seen my mom is similar situation at my house and she has lost 55 years of her life due to this.
See I would say you're husband is at fault here... He very well knew what he was getting into... Before marriage... Marrying someone and later on abusing them is a sign of a pure useless disgusting degenerate entity... Respect is something which is base for any relationship married or anything else... If someone can't respect you... Then it's their issue not yours to admit or feel bad for... Next time he calls you R**di or L**di aurat... Get a knuckle duster, to keep yourself prepared... Then reply back saying "Haat Motherboard, R**di ka baccha, L**de ka B**l" then add "Tere chachi ka Chilli Paneer" followed up by "Tera maa ka Manchurian" ... Then walk out... Trust me it's better to be alone and happy rather than be stuck with a degenerate who disrespects and humiliates you for no apparent reason and where you didn't even do any wrong presently or in past. Take care and happy bashing someone's face in 🙂
For now start keeping secret record of his misbehavior.
That's the story of so many housewives. And still Indian women are not understanding importance of always being & staying financially independent.
it's time to talk to your husband bluntly. and take your kids to your parents home for several months vacation and see how he survives. i assume you are caught in the H4 visa trap. H4 visa folks can work too. best regards.
Lmao arranged marriage. Such medieval practices. You get what you deserve🤣
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Sick person. Hope he gets his mind together soon.
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Give poison to him