Hi everyone, I am a 29-year-old guy turning 30 next month, and I’m writing this because I’ve hit a point of absolute burnout with the arranged marriage process. For the last two years, I’ve been looking for a partner within my community (one of the prominent castes in AP/Telangana), but the response has been completely zero. I want to be upfront about where I stand in life. I don't work a conventional 9-to-5 corporate job; instead, I run my own independent professional practice. It is well-established, and I bring in a very good income. With my earnings and some support from my parents, I have built a solid foundation: I own a 2BHK apartment in Bangalore, a car, a Royal Enfield Himalayan, an electric vehicle, and some agricultural land. Yet, I constantly face bizarre financial expectations. Many families reject me because I don't have "rental income properties," or they dismiss independent practice as "unstable" compared to a corporate IT job. Some even bluntly ask, "You don't have enough assets, why do you want to marry now?" It is incredibly frustrating to have your hard work and independent career completely devalued like this. On the personal front, I am 5'11" and weigh around 103 kg. I am a bit chubby, but I carry it well given my height. Recently, I faced a very hurtful rejection from a girl who was noticeably heavier than me, but she rejected me stating that my appearance wasn’t good enough. That specific rejection really shook my confidence and prompted me to write this. Between people nitpicking my horoscope, demanding passive rental income, and being hyper-critical of my looks, I am completely drained. I have a solid career, my own office, good earnings, and real assets—yet the matrimonial market makes me feel like I have nothing. I genuinely want to understand: What are families and girls looking for nowadays? Is a self-employed professional with a stable practice no longer valued? How do I navigate this brutal system without losing my peace of mind? Would love some honest advice or perspective from anyone who has been through this. Thanks.
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💬 Comments (53)
#1 Cine / Sports/ Political stars #2 Wealthy grooms #3 Doctor/IT Grooms with stylish looks #4 CHAMCHA/ JALRA/ YES MAN. Who accepts equality, no dowry, ok for any number of besties, shopping, vacation, separate house, freedom and all happiness related things
I am single and age 31, but scare of getting merry due to this expectation and responsibilty after that.
The girl and his parents who rejected you means they were not suitable to you. Donot be upset try your best but not in hurry. You will get life partner.Time is decided by God for us so move on.
As a mental health therapist, I’d first say that what you’re feeling is understandable. Repeated rejection—especially over factors like appearance, income type, horoscope, or assets—can gradually chip away at anyone’s self-esteem. It isn’t just about marriage anymore; it starts feeling like your entire worth is being evaluated. One thing I would encourage is not to personalize every rejection. In arranged marriages, families often reject people based on preferences, fears, social expectations, or financial checklists that have very little to do with your value as a person. A rejection is not a verdict on your worth. That said, use this as an opportunity for self-reflection too. If your weight is something you’re unhappy with or it’s affecting your health, work on it for yourself—not to become “marriage material,” but to improve your physical and mental well-being. Confidence built on self-care lasts much longer than confidence built on external validation. Be careful not to fall into the trap of comparing yourself with those who rejected you (“she was heavier than me, yet rejected me”). Everyone has the right to their preferences, just as you do. Holding on to resentment only prolongs the hurt. If you notice that these experiences are making you anxious, hopeless, or causing you to question your self-worth, therapy—especially Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT)—can help challenge negative beliefs, build resilience against rejection, and prevent your identity from becoming tied to the arranged marriage process. Remember, marriage is one part of life—not the measure of your success. Your career, values, relationships, emotional maturity, and ability to build a healthy partnership matter far more in the long run than ticking every box on a matrimonial checklist.
On a plus side, you are in Bangalore, so your options are many. There are numerous Meet Up groups are here based on different individual interests, try joining them and meet people. Unless you are fixated about following traditional matrimonial process and finding and marrying a girl from your own community, Bangalore will give you ample choices of actually knowing a girl and then getting married. Good luck 😊
Sell Himalayan and buy GT650.
Take a break dont let these stupid reasons of rejection let over you enjoy your life , keep finding a partner but do not under estimate yourself
Marry in north east, genetic superioritu
Why do you want to marry? Inquire. Will skip the gory details about reality of today's women and the man looting and killing laws in India and only sumnarize - this day only 3 types of men marry Super rich, Super brave and Super dumb. You decide which title fits you.
Work on the feedbacks sincerely before marriage. Even if you marry, there will be issues.
Sorry boss. We prefer nationally recognized castes than state specific prominent castes.
Firstly, what are your expectations from girl ? Dowry, job, gold, or any form ?? If you don't have such expectations then give a life to a girl from poor background.....Speak to her, if both are aligned then go ahead.
I have a friend in Bengalore who wants to get rid of a Telegu girl 💀 if ur stupid caste barrier is not an issue. You surely have much more assests than that guy. And ofc even u know 103 kg for a 5'11 guy is too much. Bring it to around 80 and u are good to go
Bro listen to me clearly. All these rejections will go away. Just bring your weight down to 80kgs.
Reducing weight is not an Himalayan task..Needs only attitude... In your matrimony u clearly mention ur details and say only those who accept this can apply...this ll atleast reduce ur disappointment..
Did u n ur parents go to relatives house function or ceremonies??? If ur parents had tried to go to relatives function, they could ve seen a lot of girls for u or atleast spread the word. Instead of looking in matrimonial sites, look within family. Atleast, the probability to get a reliable partner, thru your relatives references is far higher than matrimonial sites.
Throw a larger dragnet and expand beyond your community.
tum up Bihar jharkhand se ldkiya lao na tumhe pujengi
Hit the gym and start lifting heavy. Stop eating carbs and focus on proteins. Use supplements like whey protein or pea protein and creatine monohydrate. For your height you need to be around 80 kg. Once your body improves , your confidence will come back. Join cult and g9 for their group classes to have fun while working on your body at the same time. Telling from personal experience.
Exactly, join gym reduce your weight
Focus on your health...reduce your weight...right soulmate will come on right time.....start looking girls other than your community...looks like your community people are expecting out of box...
When you are in a market you should not complain about your product being rejected. In this case you are the product. Why are you in the market if you cannot accept rejection? First take a realistic look at yourself. Your ego is hurt because you had thought any number of women would fall for you. When this is not happening, you are trying to make it as if there's some problem in the mindset of the girl or her family. Everyone has a right to decide their own selection criteria. Haven't you rejected any girl? Don't you meet only those girls who match your own criteria? Secondly, when marriages start purely on material considerations like money, looks etc. it will bring only frustration and disappointment sooner or later. Then someone with as low EQ as you will start blaming your spouse. So for you remaining single is the best option.
Lol we all are facing some or othef problems in life.
Hit the gym. Reduce the extra weight. Focus on your looks and career. Have a more positive attitude towards yourself.
If a Girl's family has rejected you for your physic or property or anything else, consider it as a positive sign that you will not have good future there. Well physical appearance namely weight and chubbiness as you mentioned also plays a very important role ;Work on it because a person as young as you will presumably gain weight in days to come.
Bhai shaadi kyu karna chahta hai zamana aage nikal chuka hai marriage is an old concept
Hmm. So your achievements are not that great if compared to other guys/families in your 'prominent caste'....
I feel the same way, arranged marriages often seem more like a contract or a deal than a relationship. But what truly matters is compatibility, mutual understanding, and respect between two people. It’s sad to see marriage being treated like a contract these days. Please don’t doubt yourself. You’re good just the way you are. Focus on staying healthy, building your career, and creating the life you want. The right person will appreciate you for who you are and understand you when the time is right. Until then, don’t let these experiences demotivate you or affect your life and your goals. Feel free to reach out whenever you’re feeling low or just need someone to talk to. I know how overwhelming these situations can feel, and sometimes sharing what’s on your mind really helps. You’re not alone.
Dude forget marriage and things build your career and life once your at peace with yourself and stop thinking about these societal stuff your would suddenly see so many will find you and come looking for you it’s just how the world is sad but true
5'11 103 kgs....bro nenu 6'1 lo 85 kgs ke baadapadtunna.....but this is one of the reasons...Yes in an arranged marriage these kinds of expectations are common. No need to burn out, decide what kind of girl you want in life... probably someone who is self-made and not the one who has forefathers property.
You are better off as you are.
Everything has got its own time...take à chill pill,dont search dont do nothing for an year...in it is supposed to happen it will happen...you are just 30...go chill out enjoy your life first
Marry outside of your caste marry someone who values whatever u have..
Bro please focus on your body and health Marry a girl from any cast i know Many men from the prominent cast in AP facing same issue during marriage
I have seen couple of these situations in my friends. Problem at many times maybe ur expectations are high and no one finds it realistic. Find a partner for life without looking at income or anything. Thats the relationship that lasts
Seriously. What happened to building a life together? And why are parents being so demanding? And you don't worry. Keep loving yourself and one day she'll just walk into your life and things will be just perfect. Have faith!
Do not personalize or generalize every rejection. Know your boundaries and save your mental peace. Answering your quest 'what do families and girls expect', all families/girls/boys do not expect the same like machines, all have a varied bringing up, psychology and personality. Hence there isn't any rulebook of life. Know yourself well first, your needs, triggers, goals etc, match with more people, get to know them, if values align make a call 🙂
Try looking for Bengali girls.
Get a gay partner. Have tons of sex. Happy Happy.
Message me I am looking for a proposal for my sister in law. She is from Nizamabad and she is a physiotherapist
I guess it's high time laws support live in relationship also allow marriage irrespective of gender. Girls side expectations are too high. Dowry harassment and alimony harassment also going too high because of poor moral values
Welcome to the club, this is how people expect....we can't change their mindsets...just don't lose hope and keep trying that's all I can say orelse completely avoid marriage....don't be in a dilema and spoil your mental peace
Bro they are calculating how much alimony and maintainance you can give... Why waste money in arranged marriage.. aren't you seeing the surroundings news? Enjoy your own money have some passion.. why bring unnecessary trouble?
I am Single and Age 32 🔥
I'm Malaysian and following Siya's case. Don't impress people with your money. And I see a lot of Indians are chasing status and money. Flash your money and get gold-diggers. Flash your body and get horny women. Flash your good character and you will get a good wife.
Mate I am working in UK but still I am not getting a girl because of overweight... first try to reduce your weight as per your height...then automatically you will get a girl..I am also in that process...now I am following the diet and already I reduced 16 kg and still I have to reduce 9 kgs all the best
Relax, same thing goes for well qualified professional girls all d good things looks like negative sorry to say boys side expect only money to pay for emi, really pathetic Look for simple good family with basic qualification good family Best wishes for your early wedding to ur wish
Get a govt job bro
You need to lose weight. Stop looking.
103 kgs 😂 you not chubby you are obese 😂 .. you getting married not possible .. no woman would like to marry a obese man who would have major health issues in next few years . you want to get married reduce your weight
shaadi karega motuuu
What is your "independent practice" exactly? I think they are making prudent decision by rejecting you. And you are fat as fuck.
Stay happy as a bachelor.look how women killing husbands.at least u r safe sound and alive