I am a 27-year-old male from a traditional orthodox family and currently working in the government sector. I met a girl, 25y through an arranged marriage setup. Initially, I was very reluctant to meet her because her biodata mentioned that she was pursuing a cabin crew career. I told my parents multiple times that I was not interested, but they still insisted that I meet her once, so I could not say no to them. During our conversation, when I asked her about the cabin crew course, she told me that she had gone to Delhi for six months for cabin crew training, but now she was preparing for a government job. After hearing this, I thought that people in the cabin crew profession usually have good emotional intelligence, so she would be able to handle my family well. My parents also liked her. After the meeting, since my father and her father worked in the same government department but in different branches, I asked my father to do a background verification of the girl. He spoke to multiple colleagues, and everyone said that she was a very good person. Based on this, I also said yes, and our roka ceremony was done. Everything was going well. One day, she asked me whether I had ever been in a relationship. I said no because I had been a very introverted person since childhood and was always afraid of talking to girls. When I asked her the same question, she also told me that she had never been in a relationship. Things changed when she reactivated her Instagram profile. Earlier, she had told me that she rarely used social media and had deactivated her account because of her studies. When I saw her posts, many of them were about heartbreak and separation, and her bio said “Love Lost.” Seeing this made me very insecure, so I indirectly asked her why she posted such content. She simply said that she liked it, and I accepted her answer. However, things gradually became worse when she told me that she had done modelling. I became suspicious and started checking her Instagram followers. My suspicions seemed to be confirmed when I found a story in which she was dancing with multiple guys at a resort, and one of them even lifted her. I completely lost my peace of mind after watching that video. Still, I continued checking other profiles and found a photograph of her with a guy in a club/bar. I also found a bold video shoot of hers on YouTube. Although she had not mentioned her name in the video, I knew it was her. I was completely devastated after seeing all these things and immediately told my parents to cancel the marriage. Later, the girl removed all such posts and deactivated her Instagram account again. I know it was my mistake that I acted in haste and made a quick decision, but I have not been able to move on from her. Could you please advise me on what things I should check in the future so that such situations do not happen again? I do not think I can handle another trauma like this.
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💬 Comments (45)
Bach Gaya tu bhai.
If you can't handle the past, don't dig the past.. And yes past matters for present and future. So go to therapy and get healed soon
Your pain seems to come more from uncertainty and assumptions than proven dishonesty. Dancing, modelling, social media posts, or having a past life do not automatically mean poor character. In future, focus on direct conversations about values, honesty, expectations, lifestyle, and compatibility instead of investigating fragments that can create fear and misunderstandings.
admi jab waha se sochta hai to yahi hota hai... 🤣🤣🤣 ab bhugat...marry a good heart not a good face.
She had a lot to hide from you. Glad that you are out. Moving forward, you should do a thorough background check on the girl and her family and check all her social media. Do not get emotionally involved until you feel comfortable. Even if you find one red flag, please don’t ignore.
Wait for some days. You will recover. Thank God that you are saved from further ruin in life. She has paused her wild lifestyle for some days due to social requirement of marriage. After this, she will reactivate all. She reactivated her profile to check how you would react. And she will keep doing the same until she finds someone who will not react. Take care and thank God that he gave you some intelligence well enough to control your passion.
You did perfectly right . It is your right to check her background bxz people often lied about their past. Search for a simple girl , take time and then marry.
Good decision, but next time do what you did now before getting connected to her...I mean before getting emotionally connected, do background check in social media, take some time and go for it.
To all the people, that saying he is doing wrong, read the part where she lied about a lot of stuff, tell me, she was the one building a marriage on lies, so why should the man be the bigger person?
The saying is Let sleeping dogs lie…. If u did that u would have been happy
Thanks to God bhai...baal baal bache..
I still don't get it. If the person is good Why people judge their past. Everyone has a right to be What they want on this earth. Education didn't open up brains
An impetuous choice may lead to a parlous outcome and too much laxity will cost you dearly. Keep it in your mind. All the best.
Get urself a good doctor, you are sick bro
I don’t think that you will ever get married unless u stop stalking ur fiancee
Do all these background checks before roka or whatever equivalent. Will save you some heartache
Poor chap.. he can't live with her and can't live without her. 😔 Better to leave everything & start anew..fly far away... ..... obviously on an airline where she's not cabin crew 🙄 😆 🤣
Back of,if you are uncomfortable.. simple
remember if she has 0 post on social media or don’t have insta , fb then she is more evil then you think , all you have to do is run bro
You can't move on because you never had been in a relationship. Now run because she's not your type. Don't destroy your and her mental peace.
Don't marry her
Yes never marry a cabin crew girl
Buddy please stay single, don't marry... Earn your money Live your life. 90 percent marriages end in divorces and our courts are superb So you will end up paying your money to wife. And life time trauma So don't marry, stay single...
You should stick to being an introvert and don't get married.
Good. If women are reckless in protecting herself then this is the consequence. Leave her and save yourself as you are not such a guy.
Good, don't marry her & spare her life. Tumhare jaise bande k saath hoti tho, sirf Rona hi aana ta.
Neither you nor her are wrong but it's definitely wrong to hide facts from the past when starting a new relationship. I think you saved yourself and her from a future divorce so well done. Next time please do not rush into Roka. Take your time, do your checks and then proceed.
She is not loyal to you and hence come out of this.
Iam inspired by surah Kahaf where it says when Allah wills he can make a dog be blessed a righteous company Where there is a will there is a way.
He was looking at her posts without a talk a discussion.....I mean if he likes her he could have made her helped her to leave what he saw as bad And many times it's not the girls fault. He was looking at her as if he was a big saint
All above senseless comments from senseless mind. I am glad you cancelled the marriage and she is saved. Past is past for a reason so what she was dancing with boys and did modeling. She probably sensed that your family is orthodox and you wouldn’t be able to handle these things since she isn’t doing it anymore she didn’t feel the need to mention. Since you grew up in orthodox family not with this girl with any girl you will be insecure. How much details have you given about your past to her? There are 365 days in a year a girl can’t give you record of 25 years what she did on those many days, just because a girl needs to marry someone she can’t live her lifestyle according to would be husband’s view point but a girl changes later according to situation.
Bro dodged a bullet
Why think so much about the past? Try to focus on the present. We don’t even know what all you had in your own past. This kind of unhealthy mindset and defamation should change.
To the OP: Trust me all of us have been there, some at your age, some earlier and some older than you. On social media I won't go so far as to link questionable character with certain professions but intimacy is a basic need and a job involving frequent travel away from family in a demanding situation can create a moral conundrum irrespective of gender. You did the right thing for your life, so swallow the bitter pill and start meeting other girls for arrange marriage. Very soon you will find someone whom you will also end up liking. If men/women stopped loving after loosing on love at first sight the world population won't be even 1% of current 8 Billion. Trust me when I say this, meet 1 girl each day for every weekend and by the end of this year you will be printing wedding cards. And 5 years down the line you will post again after fighting with your wife and finding life toxic. Its a cycle don't worry all humans go through it
run
Run
Run..
You are not ready for marriage. You got to be nonchalant... Do not believe whatever a woman says. When you meet a woman and are serious past don't matter. They will all lie. What matters is present and future.
Run dear run
In arrange marriage - Bith party lie . Who knows about your past?? . If choosing for arrange marriage : stick to present and be ready to accept harsh reality . The more you late you marriage , the most obvious that another person has met someone already and had done something
You belong orthodox family ... Donot marry highy educated woman ... You need those typical aunty type characters ... So look for woman who are absolutely Aunties ..
Don't glad to know that you get out of that ; but I suggest you to live in a different city for at least 6 month, clean your head and and mean while run a check through the society around and try to shutter the glass onion you build around you!
Go get her back, moron. Why looking like her again. Why even imagining not to meet someone like her or experience like with her again....In short obsessed with her; Unable to move on, and unable to handle it when you get it.... BTW., Ppl can post imaginations and fantasy and especially when one has been in beauty industry/ modelling etc, why you need to poke so much into a social media which she had deleted and then revived. Ironically, You forgot all your father's friends vetting her, which was yr criteria of who is good or bad. And based on which you decided to do Roka. Now all of them were fools suddenly. Now your senseless mind again judging, how many times it will judge, tomoro the son won't have looked like you, then what?! So where is the problem if not in yr own mindset...
Come on.. Sluts are always fun to hang out with... But wife's are boring
U are bloody imsecuree guy who think saint my self proclaimed standard. Good for her to escape douchebag like u. Trauma is nothing but own doing .u live own fantasy cocoon that the thing no one can help but yourself