Comments for Post #C27389

You should excuse him for his past mistakes and move forward with mutual understanding.You should also see the change in his behaviour when he behaves father and how loving he is now. So sit together and talk and make love and care

Hurt hone ka reason bhi share kar lijiye husband se. Agar relationship me understating hai to isko apne relation ko thik karne ke liye prayog karen. Bahut se couples me ye bhi nahi hai, aur jivan ke bich padaw me rishte tut jaate hai. Jab kabhi bhi wo memories recall ho jinme aap hurted feel kar rahi ho, usi samay pe apne self talk me kahiye, I forgive my husband and forgive my self. I release this memory from my mind. Aur turant ache moments ko yaad kr lijiye. Kuch din me aap ke rishte behtar ho jane hai. God bless u.

I feel this is not a small issue at all. You have carried hurt and resentment for many years and even though your husband seems to have changed and become a caring father and partner, your heart has not healed from the pain caused earlier. Physical intimacy without emotional safety often becomes difficult. From what you wrote, I don’t think either of you are villains. He seems to have grown and you have continued fulfilling your responsibilities despite carrying unresolved wounds. But memories don’t disappear just because time passes. Please don’t force yourself and don’t suffer silently either. Be honest with him about what exactly hurt you and how deeply it affected you. If both of you still care for the marriage, consider marriage counselling or therapy together. Healing trust takes time and rebuilding emotional intimacy usually comes before physical intimacy. Also, remember that being a good mother does not mean sacrificing your own emotional well-being. Your children will benefit most from seeing two parents who heal, communicate and respect each other. Wishing peace and healing to both of you. !!

You are carrying unresolved emotional hurt from earlier years of marriage. Your husband seems to have changed, but trust and emotional safety inside you have not fully healed. Physical closeness often becomes difficult when past pain remains active. Open conversations, and if possible couples counseling, may help rebuild emotional connection without pressure.

Tell him once and for final that "you don't want to have any sexual relationship with him. He has hurt you in the past and is still hurting you by forcing himself on you. There is not coming back from that hurt." Give him option of open marriage or divorce. Accept his decision. Share custody of children in case you divorce.

he is not a rogue to hurt or talk bad about ur parents, tell first what u did and what u spoke about him and his parents without telling that why u blame him all the time...if u r keeping grudge for the words spit in anger and not forgiving him think what will happen if he does the same back to you? as per ur statement u say u both had fight and understanding issue then how come u blame him alone and taking revenge on him like this...if u continue to do this u r going to lose him for sure...so be ready for it

Madam, The family that comes from you is more important than the family you come from. The day your husband start feeling unappreciated and neglected and start affair you will realise the repercussions. Saying this I don’t justify whatever he had done on you, those were absolute condemnable. But you said he changed. You need to talk out and move ahead before you realise at what cost you are punishing him.

Look dear. Since you are saying that he changed a lot and becomes good father and husband then you should Forget those old memories. 10 yrs of marriage and still you are not allowing your husband for intimacy is wrong. It is upto you but according to me you should forgive him

Ma'am, let me be very direct with you—this is a completely one-sided story, and the only person you are fooling with this narrative is yourself. Either you have been deliberately turning a blind eye to your own wrongdoings all these years, or you have genuinely never realized the extent of your mistakes—and frankly, both possibilities are equally damaging. You are very, very wrong here if you think you are the innocent party in this equation. Let's not pretend that your husband woke up one day and decided to act out of nowhere. Behind every action he took, there must be at least a thousand reasons that you gave him—reasons that compelled him, pushed him, and forced him to reach that breaking point. But of course, it is always easier to point fingers at someone else and blame them entirely, just to justify your own shortcomings and avoid looking in the mirror. That is convenient, but it is not the truth. Now, if I had been in his shoes, let me tell you exactly how I would have handled things from start to finish. First, I would have been patient—extremely patient. I would have waited, requested, and tried my level best to persuade you for years—maybe four or even five long years—to help you understand one fundamental truth: physical intimacy is not a luxury or an option in a healthy marriage; it is as basic and essential as food, water, and air. Ignoring that need is not a small oversight—it is a slow poison. By continuously neglecting that aspect of the relationship, you are essentially allowing the marriage to wither away and die a slow, painful, and agonizing death. After those years of explanations and pleading, if nothing changed, I would have given you a clear and fair warning. I would have sat you down and told you point-blank that I will start going outside this marriage to fulfill that physical need, because I refuse to live like a monk while being married. And if even after that warning, you still showed no improvement, no effort, and no willingness to understand—then I would have followed through without any guilt. And do not be mistaken, ma'am—it is far easier than you think for a man to find sex outside. There is no shortage of options, so do not ever assume that your husband is stuck or helpless. Once I reached that stage, I would have completely eliminated that need from you altogether. I would have stopped seeing you as a partner in that sense and removed you entirely from the equation of my intimate life. I would have made peace with the fact that you are no longer part of that side of my world. Then, I would have simply focused on living my life alongside our child—being a present parent, fulfilling my duties, and maintaining the household for the sake of the kid. I would have spoken to you only when absolutely required, keeping conversations minimal, transactional, and strictly about logistics or the child's well-being. And yes, it would have taken time—maybe months or even years—to completely detach emotionally and physically. But eventually, I would have made you free from all expectations of me as a husband. You could then fully devote yourself to being a good mother, a good daughter, or whatever role you preferred, because clearly, being a wife was never your priority. So before you play the victim, take a long, hard look at the mirror and ask yourself—who really pushed whom to this point?

I hope now you are feeling better after you shared what you have been going through all this while ( sometimes talking out what you feel makes you calm down and feel less burdened with those words) 1. By keeping your husband away dont make things difficult for him and yourself which could lead to extra martial affairs ( for both of u) 2. Sometimes words from past should be let gone and not let your present ruin by your past 3. Sometimes men's anger has no boundaries (not applicable to all men) but when you truly cherish him for what he has changed, those words from past shouldn't not effect your present. We all r humans and all of us have our own strengths and weakness, it's all about how much you care to carry forward with that bitterness that effects you and your family. 4. I think you havent accepted your husband whole heartedly because it is arranged marriage (its high time you start building your emotional life with him) 5. Spend more time with him, Go for vacations, go for dates, and start to cherish the person in front of you rather then holding words that hurt you ( because when u loose the person those words that hurt you will not make any sense later and missing the person because of something that happened in past isn't right) - its my personal experience too (one of the bad habit abt my husband is - he is shot and hot tempered does that make me love him less? No. (even I fight and argue with him), you need to know when to stop and at what stage. I still love him because he let's me be the person I'm. Spoiling me to whatever I ask (late night drives, movies, ice cream hangouts etc). Sometimes I'm even dominant at some decisions. Even after 16+ years of marriage we fight (that also includes he scolding my parents - in fit of rage i tell him, if u dare go ask my parents directly 😋), argue but can we stay without each other? Not possible. 6. If ur husband was treating you badly after all these years - i understand your state. Now that he is changed and treating you better you also should start moving away from those sad memories 7. As an outsider i can only help you with what I think is right but still u get to take the final call as I understand sometime some words hurt u deep that u dont want to let it go. However hanging to those old memories of thread you shouldn't destroy your future (when u think of sad memories with him why dont you try focus on the sweet memories also with him that could help u move forward).

seems like man changed nd matured alot so for sake of ur family u should let go of his past mistakes stop overthinking nd don’t take advice from people who have made many wrong decisions themselves think what’s best for u nd ur family

thirtyfound.com

Ma'am, let me be very direct with you—this is a completely one-sided story, and the only person you are fooling with this narrative is yourself.** Either you have been deliberately turning a blind eye to your own wrongdoings all these years, or you have genuinely never realized the extent of your mistakes—and frankly, both possibilities are equally damaging. You are very, very wrong here if you think you are the innocent party in this equation. Let's not pretend that your husband woke up one day and decided to act out of nowhere. Behind every action he took, there must be at least a thousand reasons that you gave him—reasons that compelled him, pushed him, and forced him to reach that breaking point. But of course, it is always easier to point fingers at someone else and blame them entirely, just to justify your own shortcomings and avoid looking in the mirror. That is convenient, but it is not the truth. Now, if I had been in his shoes, let me tell you exactly how I would have handled things from start to finish. First, I would have been patient—extremely patient. I would have waited, requested, and tried my level best to persuade you for years—maybe four or even five long years—to help you understand one fundamental truth: physical intimacy is not a luxury or an option in a healthy marriage; it is as basic and essential as food, water, and air. Ignoring that need is not a small oversight—it is a slow poison. By continuously neglecting that aspect of the relationship, you are essentially allowing the marriage to wither away and die a slow, painful, and agonizing death. After those years of explanations and pleading, if nothing changed, I would have given you a clear and fair warning. I would have sat you down and told you point-blank that I will start going outside this marriage to fulfill that physical need, because I refuse to live like a monk while being married. And if even after that warning, you still showed no improvement, no effort, and no willingness to understand—then I would have followed through without any guilt. And do not be mistaken, ma'am—it is far easier than you think for a man to find sex outside. There is no shortage of options, so do not ever assume that your husband is stuck or helpless. Once I reached that stage, I would have completely eliminated that need from you altogether. I would have stopped seeing you as a partner in that sense and removed you entirely from the equation of my intimate life. I would have made peace with the fact that you are no longer part of that side of my world. Then, I would have simply focused on living my life alongside our child—being a present parent, fulfilling my duties, and maintaining the household for the sake of the kid. I would have spoken to you only when absolutely required, keeping conversations minimal, transactional, and strictly about logistics or the child's well-being. And yes, it would have taken time—maybe months or even years—to completely detach emotionally and physically. But eventually, I would have made you free from all expectations of me as a husband. You could then fully devote yourself to being a good mother, a good daughter, or whatever role you preferred, because clearly, being a wife was never your priority. So before you play the victim, take a long, hard look at the mirror and ask yourself—who really pushed whom to this point?

Madam, you are using physical intimacy as a weapon to punish your husband. You agree the fact that your husband has changed a lot now as compared to past. You need to ask yourself why you are not able to come out of the past and keeping the same vengeance within you after so long years. You are denying the fact that your vengeance will not only destroy you and your husband, the bigger hit will be on your children. Be matured. Live in present. Unless you are happy within yourself, you cannot spread real happiness to your children.

Forgive me but we are getting ready for another confession from you stating ,, you secretly saw your husband's phone and he is having affair with a woman:. You can cuss me but you are going down that path. Either go for a counseling or talk to it out with your husband or get ready for another confession

Almost 10 years of marriage, out of which you say he has changed since 6 years, or atleast 5 to say. Just remember if he is pretending it would have lasted for few months only, not years. May be your continued rejection leads to "one thing to another" with another, and you again feel yourself as pity girl out of your prity girl image 😌

You're a syco get treated see a good doctor

Pls change your behaviour

Divorce him. Get 90% of his money, throw him in the street. Live happily feeling proud that u took revenge on a guy who was a good father to ur kids, but still u endured n eventually took revenge on the guy who was equally immature n a spoilt kid to his parents n someone who wasa virgin n definitely didn't know to deal with girls. Probably u were the first girl in his life, but that doesn't matter, as long as u take revenge on him n make him suffer, while u were living in his money, everything is OK.