Comments for Post #C27882

How do you set boundaries with parents who hurt you?

Female 29 , CTC doesn't matter There are days when I wonder what "home" is supposed to feel like. People often assume that if parents are alive, they must be your biggest support system. I used to believe that too. I grew up in a family where my father always chose alcohol over us. My mother spent most of her life crying, fighting with him, and trying to keep the family together. Financially, I started contributing at a very young age because I had no choice. I gave tuition, sold my paintings, gave up my dream career, and eventually got a job. As soon as I started earning, I became responsible for almost everything—household expenses, bills, clothes, family functions, and helping relatives whenever someone asked. I never expected my parents to repay me. I only hoped they would understand me one day. Instead, I often feel like my worth is measured by how much I can give. If I don't answer a phone call immediately, I'm accused of ignoring them. If I say I need to end a conversation because they're busy, I'm told I don't want to talk. If I refuse to send money to relatives every time someone asks, I'm made to feel selfish. When I cry after hearing all this, I'm told I'm overreacting. The most confusing part is that my mother isn't entirely unsupportive. She genuinely cares for me in many ways. She cooks, helps around the house, and looks after me. But when it comes to my father or her own side of the family, I always feel like I become the last priority. It's painful because I know she loves me, yet I also feel unseen. Now I'm about to become a mother myself, and all I want is peace. I want to protect my baby from constant stress. I want my home to feel calm. I want to experience this phase with happiness instead of guilt, blame, and emotional exhaustion. But I'm struggling with one question: How do you set healthy boundaries with parents you genuinely love, especially when they have also hurt you? How do you accept their help without allowing the emotional burden that often comes with it? Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you protect your own mental peace without feeling like a bad daughter? I hope this helps you express both the love and the hurt in your situation while inviting thoughtful responses from others.