F32/IT Consultant/CTC 22 LPA I’m writing this because I genuinely need some suggestions and also want to unburden my heart a little. I’m in love with someone, and we’re about to get married. I earn reasonably well for the lifestyle we have and the city we live in. My would-be husband, however, earns around half of what I do. Recently, he renovated his house for us, and he is solely paying the EMI for it, which is almost equal to his monthly income. As a result, after paying the EMI and covering his personal expenses like travel and other necessities, he is left with almost nothing. I have already made up my mind that I will take responsibility for saving for our future children—their education, marriage, and other long-term needs—and I’ve already started doing that. However, what worries me a lot is our day-to-day household expenses. I may have to contribute a large part of it, or perhaps even bear most of it entirely. Once we have children, those expenses will only increase. On top of that, I also worry about things like vacations, outings, movies, restaurants, and the small comforts and experiences that make life enjoyable. At this point, I know that financially I should be able to manage these responsibilities, but I’m still looking for guidance on what I should do next. We are also planning to start a business in the future, but that too will require capital, and naturally he does not have much savings at the moment. I truly love him, and he loves me too. He may not be in a position to provide me with luxury gifts, shopping sprees, or dinners at 5-star restaurants, but he gives me the care, support, and love that I value deeply—at least from everything I’ve seen so far. I do not want to leave him, but because I’m worried about the financial side of our future, I think I’m looking for reassurance. Are there families where the husband takes care of the home loan/EMI while the wife manages the household, children’s expenses, and other financial responsibilities? Does such a dynamic work in the long run? I honestly don’t know what the future holds. When I sit down and calculate everything, it seems like I should be able to manage the family expenses. But at the same time, I worry whether this financial imbalance could eventually affect our relationship, or how society and people around us might view it. I would really appreciate any honest advice, experiences, or suggestions.
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💬 Comments (37)
When he spends no Issues… when she has to,,so many questions
Firstly, this is a marriage and not business deal. You seem to have calculated next 10yrs in your mind and are getting confused.. What if you loose your job or he does. Or you may get promoted too. Life is unpredictable , you can’t calculate everything beforehand. Don’t overthink. Like everyone says, marriage is lifelong companionship, where two people experience and explore a beautiful life together. It doesn’t come with conditions or expiry date. Trust and understanding is all that’s needed.
And still people ask why marriages fail in india... The reason is in front of you it's a business transaction... Based on contractual agreements... If party A or party B is not able to fulfill their ends of the bargain or not show a viable expenditure sheet detailing costs charged vs funds inflow... Or the balance is negative... Then you're done ... Amazing 🙂👍🏻
Remember 'self earned properties' are ONLY self's. Spouse doesn't have any ownership in it (even when they are coowner on paper). So if your future husband has built house, It's ONLY his. Marriage is NOT going to make you 50% owner. --- Now if you are going to use your 'self earned money' to pay for 100% of day to day expenses+child's education And He is going to use his 'self earned money' to build an asset for himself What exactly he is bringing to table?
It's been husband and wife.. if wife is independent and by her own self she has no problem putting her share in household expenses then it's her choice . the man cannot force her to spend her earned money into house legally .. Legally in India , Husband is bread earner and he will take care of house expenses , kids , wife expenses too .. woman earning are her own , she wishes she can if not she cannot be legally forced to do so ..
Don't worry.... Sab manage ho jayega post marriage Future kids ka soch rahe ho... Future salary increase ka q nahi soch rahe. Backbone strong hoga to sab strong hoga. Bs mindset strong rakho
That's the difference. Men earns and spends on his family keeping himself as last priority. Women think to calculate a lot, especially if it's about their money
If u love someone truly then go for it. And abhi se ye sab doubt aa rhe soch rhe h to behan rehan de fir
This financial imbalance will affect you only when you let it if it will not in your mind it will not affect you. If you got a partner like you describe just go for it everything will fall in place when the time comes.
In future when EMi is over he ll b the sole owner of property mean its life time saving,but the money u ll spent for house hold and expances ll be zero in long run.the best way is to ask him contribute 50% in house hold and u pay the half EMI, in return ask him to share the ownership of the property with you.it shall save ur future and hard earn money aswel.keep in ur mind time ll change everything in future.the relation , the l9ve feeling and effection aswell,so think and react wisely.but jahan tak muje lgta he apka bnda bhaag jae ga.🤪.for more advise u can contact me i ll tell u the sugarcoated way to deal this situation ideally.
Best advice to you.... Marry 2 such guys currently so that the other guy will manage your house hold expenses whereas your sr hubby will take care of EMI... Oooh what to do once you get kids.... simple Marry one more and more......
Sit together and sort it out simply ! If you both agree then it’s manageable ! If not then your choice !
Compromise, sacrifice, adjustment in life .. if you have sympathy, empathy you can be happy
Anything can be worked through if you sit down and discuss it with your partner. If you truly love him, financial matters alone shouldn't scare you this much. You don't even have kids yet, and you're already worrying about their expenses and your future lifestyle. What I like is that you aren't thinking about leaving. You're looking for reassurance and solutions because you're scared, and that's perfectly understandable. Have an open conversation with him about how he plans to handle things and what responsibilities each of you will take on. Marriages come in all kinds of dynamics. A confessions page isn't the best place to get advice for this. It'll only add more shame and negativity. Approach a financial planner or a premarital counselor. They'll be far more helpful in answering your questions than strangers on the internet.
Marriage is not a business association or venture, employee-employer relationship or sugar daddy. It is a mutual agreement where both partners share their wealth and debt. Both should work as one in earning and saving. If you are not of such a mindset then 💯 it will cause problems down the road. Please excuse yourself from that relationship save yours and his future.
Don't worry, everything will fall in place. But along with love remember these two other most important aspects: UNDERSTANDING and RESPECT. Keep practicing them with each other, you will have a happy and content life
Financial burden creates a lot of confusion, hatred, resentment, regret,misunderstanding in a couple.. so be careful about getting married to this guy.. financial burden will not bring any peace of mind..
It's rare and admirable to see someone who doesn't run at the first realization that the man earns half as much, but instead reflects on what truly makes a marriage sustainable. 👌🏻
Since the major hurdle of buying the house and renovation is over, why don’t you split your expenses among both’s salaries . Once married there is nothing like husbands money and wife’s money. It is our money. That does not mean you have to out everything in joint account . You can have your own personal account and put money in it every month for your personal expenses . He can do the same . Also he seems to be so transparent with finance which is great . If he is not a spend thrift , works and loves a decent life - I see that as a geeen flag . Do you know your future ? Nobody knows of his salary is going to increase, you can lose your job- there is lot of uncertainties in life - you face it as life takes you through it . You have to be careful about your present and secure your future , but that also means living in the present not always worrying about the future .
Just change the gender and see the hateful comments in the comment section. I feel pity for the man,he's pouring everything for both of you,the salary he earns,the love and care. Meanwhile you're in doubt here just because he's left with nothing after paying the emi for the house he renovated for both of you.
There are so many cases when male.partner earns well even then don't support their wife or children. They are abusive ans demands dowry. What will u do in that case. ALIMONY might be the amiable way
Jiski jitni income hoti h uske according manage krna prta h. Future ka sochke present q kharab kr rhe ho abhi se? In IT nothing is permanent. Nd in future salary will also increase. Why are you thinking too much.22lpa is a good amount you can manage the things easily. Do the savings and investment with your husband’s salary and use your salary to manage other household chores in that also you will be able to save. That’s how we all manage.
Y ask us, wen u ve already decided to dump him. BTW, he may get a wife, but, for ur age, will u get a husband?? Better be alone n enjoy life with ur ever reliable partner- Mr. Money 💰...
Really depends on the guy in question. Some guys cannot handle their wives earning more, but some guys are fine with it. You both have to decide if you are fine with it and he is fine with it. As for salary, you earn more than him but maybe in future he earns more than you. It is variable. Ultimately it is a personal decision, and I don't think people on the internet can help you make one. Best of luck.
Contact a Chartered accountant who can help you and guide you further on your concerned issues.
Both of u earn still u are worried abt future which is a bit weird. U shud think and plan abt it but just remember one thing that u are lucky to get good education and then a well paying job. Just think abt poor people or someone who is intelligent but compromised due to family situation. They too have family and expenses to take care of still they are happy and smiling. Food and shelter is provided by Almighty God so believe in him and give ur 100%....rest leave on ur destiny.
So, with his money, he has a property to his name. And with your money, you'd be subsidising his life for decades, and getting pregnant, accepting pay cuts for maternity leave etc. As a result of which, you won't be able to buy property or have a decent savings. You're doing all this for what? Because he is nice to you? Marriage is the most important financial decision, you'll ever make. Be wise. Think again.
Honestly , I'm in a similar position right now. And I am looking to implement the exact same structure in a couple of years time. Same issue , same problems , same solution. I will say that go for it. You won't regret it 💗.
Hawa me mat rahiye ye pyar after two kids will be weeping outside window ..n how can u gurentee u will manage ..here u don't know next day..marriage is a big decision don't fall in love with no money ..later u hv to find other guy with money..n this love wil be in fights misery n sorrow
He renovated his house by borrowing money on intrest this is a never ending spiral…. 1.)he shouldn’t have done this….. Do a basic paint job an made it comfortable an liveable 2.) url should have worked together to do the renovation & future planing 3.)explain lifestyle ? For wt a for who? There is a English proverb We buy things with money we dnt have to please we dnt like…..
Mam, contact me personally. I can surely provide some assistance with respect to your financial stability which can turn your life around, like many hundred other peoples.
Does he or you don't have any option of future growth? I think the answer would be yes absolutely. Then why are you worried about expencess. What he is contributing is in asset building, your home is an asset, while what you are covering is pure expence, and just remember both are bond to rise in future. So chill, you have all options of future growth in career as well in asset too.
Forget about him. Life will be difficult later due to ego clash.
Friendship any marriage group here please suggest me some marriage group I m Looking female friend for marriage or long term any alone female here who wants to be comfortable with benefits secret friendship full privacy dedicated ping me...
With ur mindset ur relationship wont work out and you don't have true love. All you want is business deal
Man’s earning must be 100% family’s ! Woman earning should not be used even if it’s for family ! Typical mindset of average Indian bride. Waiting for feminist to charge on me
It's a typical women problem, where once they earn, love takes a backseat. In your case it's worse, tum toh aisa lagta hei husband ko thode dino mein khana bhi nahin khane dogi