M25 ,Banglore I am writing here because I genuinely need some advice. I have been emotionally attached to a girl since our school days. She was my crush back then, and even after all these years, I still have feelings for her. After 10th standard, we joined different colleges, so we were no longer in regular contact. During 11th standard, I proposed to her, but she said she wanted to focus on her career and was not ready for a relationship. She friend-zoned me. However, about a year later, I found out that she had started dating one of her college friends. Even then, I could not move on from her. Two years later, she broke up with him and contacted me again. She told me she missed me and wanted to meet me regularly. Hearing that made me emotional, and we started talking every day. Those were some of the happiest days for me. But after just three months, she fell in love with another college friend. Once again, I was hurt because I wanted to be more than just a friend to her. Over the years, we occasionally met and spent time together. Around three and a half years later, she broke up with that boyfriend as well. She told me he was toxic, manipulative, unsupportive, and had only used her. I felt bad for her and supported her through everything because I genuinely loved her. During these eight years, I was also in relationships with two other girls, but those relationships ended for different reasons. Meanwhile, I worked hard on myself, built my career, and reached a good position professionally. On the other hand, she has been preparing for govt exams and is still trying hard to secure a job. Now, she says she wants to marry me. She tells me that we have known each other since school, our vibe matches well, and I should reject all other proposals and marry only her. My family has shown me 4–5 girls for marriage, but she insists that I should choose her. However, about a month ago, I learned from some friends that she had gone on multiple 4–5 day trips, including overnight stays, with male friends. She had completely hidden this from me and lied about it. When I confronted her, she initially denied everything. Only after I told her that honesty was important if she truly wanted to marry me did she finally admit it. When I asked why she had hidden it, she said, "Tumko bura lagta aur tum bahot gussa hote." That incident broke my trust. What confuses me even more is that whenever she was in a relationship, she chose someone else over me. But whenever those relationships ended, she came back to me for emotional support. Now that I am well-settled in my career and earning well, she wants to marry me. Some of my friends believe she is manipulative , narcissistic and that she is choosing me because of my stability and financial situation rather than genuine love. They keep telling me that I deserve someone who values me from the beginning and that I can find a much better life partner. The problem is that I have liked her since school and have become emotionally attached to her over the years. A part of me still wants to marry her. But another part of me feels deeply hurt by her dishonesty and by the repeated pattern of her coming back into my life only after her relationships fail. I am confused between my emotions and my logic. Am I overthinking this situation, or are these genuine red flags that should not be ignored? Should I trust her and consider marriage, or should I move on and look for someone who chooses me first rather than as a backup option? Please give me Geniune advice
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💬 Comments (37)
Never be a backup ! She doesn't deserve to be in your friend zone too..
Cut communication with her, concentrate on your career. Mingle with your female colleague, who knows someone better waiting for you.
If you marry her, we are ready to read your next confession.
SHE IS A RED FLAG. If you were her actual friend, there was no need to hide details of anything. You were a placeholder while she explored all her options then came back running to you since you were there all along and have financial stability now. Your relationship might have been genuine but hers isnt. Attachments are tricky to deal with but its better to get hurt now than later. Run. Save yourself and someone who deserves you will come by.
The world runs on trust but she repeatedly broke that. Now you decide whether to go with World or with her and make urself fun..
It's ok to have mixed feelings about a childhood crush. It's ok sometimes to be second option or backup even. These are all just taunting words we say to ourselves. Multiple relationships. U never know which ones she had sex or never did. It all depends on how she is as a person she is TODAY. Having conversations won't help. See her actions. 2 more times she breaks ur trust. Close iT. She maybe nothing like the school crush. But a totally new person with all those experiences. Everyone deserves a chance. And u need a closure. Observe her a little more Take time. Don't rush into into another relationship or marriage without figuring what u wanna do with her chapter. Close her or reopen hers. If ur closing Never look back.
Men who gets married always say that there is no emotional attachment with his wife but every day they sleep with their wives and become father to his children, but they always feel emotional attachment with their lovers and they cannot come out of it...so funny
This is a high-risk, high-reward relationship. It could become one of the most rewarding decisions of your life, or it could leave you with pain and regret. If you genuinely feel she is worth it and believe you'll regret not pursuing her later, then give it a chance. At least you'll know you tried and won't be left wondering "what if?" But if you value peace, stability, and emotional security more than uncertainty, it may be wiser to walk away.
Run my friend, Just run. never look back.
I think she is choosing you for financial security . I know you love her but I think your inner heart is also stopping you from marrying her since u know that she has been dishonest with you earlier You were never a priority in her life before she didn't love you she said that she thinks you guys vibe well that's why she want to marry you but she didn't said that she loved you so give this a thought u maybe thinking that she is the one but I think u need to understand that she is not the one and there are many other genuine girls who value love more than money
Love is not about right or wrong (as it is your heart that chose her) - this suggestion is based on the details you shared. 1. Are you sure you can forget her - if you marry someone else? - ask this question to yourself and listen to your heart (bec sometime back there was one person in the same group around 32 years posted that he still couldn't forget his girlfriend even after happly married for 7+ years and he is also considering divorcing his wife as she deserves someone better and he is ready to leave with nothing - I'm not sharing this example to intimidate u or disappoint u or trying to share someone's personal) all I want to say is if you plan to move forward then ensure you walk forward and dont halt in between. 2. I have no idea why you broke up with your other 2 girlfriends - you need to think was it that you were comparing them or any other reasons for breakup 3. Will you be able to accept and forgive your crush if she betrays you in the future. Think from all these perspectives and if you feel these are not a concerns you can go head and marry her. Any point you are doubting about her then better to let her be as your best childhood memory and its good for you to move forward in life.
Don't marry her, you deserve much better person
If u want to be happy in life reject her without wasting a moment. She's a big Red flag, a worst kind of opportunist & of course an extreme narcissist. While you always considered her as your first choice, she on the contrary put you at the bottom of the list. Don't u hv any self-respect? What u call a childhood emotional attachment is just an illusion, nothing else! So you are the best judge now. Why be the "12th man" when u can be the "Captain"? Marry someone who will genuinely value your attributes, select someone from those who are queing up. Don't worry abt her, she's an expert in this field, in no time she will find another partner. 😂 She was never sincere or considerate abt u. You r lucky to hv a bunch of genuine & wise friends who r trying to guide u towards the right direction.
Want advice? Marry someone else. She never chose you, she just doesn't have better options. Or you could marry her and learn the hard way...
Run bro, she will cheat you the moment an opportunity she gets .
Both experienced so. Ok
DONT marry her....she ll dump uu
RUN or get the DRUM
Option 1: Dont worry, just marry her. You can also have a side kick to match your experience with hers. She may be looking for someone to live with. You may be looking for someone to die with Do not undergo the pain of divorce and separation even before you get married. If you married life is not ok divorce her and pay alimony. Option 2: Marry an other girl. Remember she may also be having one or many past relationship. You may still be thinking out your ex and wont pay attention to your wife. You will eventually have kids. Option 3: Stay single. Know how to live alone and independently. Option 4: Keep her as the back up option and find someone else. This requires a lot of talent. Note: I may not be your wellwisher.
She loves u or not doesn't matters u love her it matters Caution: If she obeys Ur talks respects u n ready to change accept her.. If she is putting too much conditions N u observe u hv to put down urself for much things ..pl don't marry her ..don't beg now u r settled .. N coming to past ladkiyo ko har Sundar ladke ache lagte pyar ho jata ..but Saadi me wo stability search karti hai ..so it's ok
Block her immediately from your life she wanted kik in her life from others but those men kiked her out from their lives where else you on the other end deserve better. A backup is always a backup she might starst an affair after marriage kya guarantee hai that she won’t ? Imagine you love her you can’t raise your voice having an affair she might file for divorce and take what you have with you kya karaga bhai ?? 
Don't Marry her
Nikal rha hai ya laat maar ke nikalun?
Choose logic over eventual divorce
Pulstop
Your friends are right. You need to get over her. She seems manipulative, unfaithful and not trustworthy at all. It feels like you're being used... Things could have been much simpler if she had accepted your proposal from the beginning. Instead she continued seeing other men. That suggests you were never her first choice. After so many failed attempts with others, she may now see you as a safe option because of your financial stability... If you don't want to end up with a wife who may have an extramarital affair, stay away from her...Why can not you not see how she's played you until now?? If you're doing well in your career then I'm sure you're a smart person so when cones to relationship why are you lacking smart decision?!?
Run run run
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Genuine advice? You asshole she has become a civilized whore. If you still can't figure it out then you have all the rights to suffer from trauma
When you buying a car make sure the car is new or the mileage is very less. Don't buy a car with high mileage or more than 200k km. It doesn't give a shit even if it's your dream car. This Is not about cars.
Once a traitor always a traitor, unless you lack self respect or are desperate marry someone else!
Self respect is the prime emotion of a human, and I think you have lost that emotional sense long ago. What she is? Is not the question here, what you are is the real question. And you are a big time idiot, and that is it 😌
Stop being a "kandha" my friend. Either become someone's priority or just leave. Just totally block her from everywhere and live a happy life. Marry someone better
Tum thde se Bhen k lode ho kya??
You are a first grade moron 😍 Keep it up till you are 30 and she will have 50 more exes Then you marry her 😍
Ramdi hai maje le aur chhor de
Walk away please go before you throw your life away