I am a 39-year-old woman living abroad. I have an average career, have been married to the love of my life for 10 years, and we have two beautiful children. We live a modest life and work hard to build a secure future. I grew up in a deeply patriarchal family in India where sons were always given more importance. As I've gotten older, I've realized how much that environment has affected me. My parents have always been emotionally distant, and we rarely talk about family matters. Over the years, my father has financially rescued my sibling multiple times after failed businesses. The total amount is close to ₹4 crore, yet my sibling is still in debt and continues to make poor financial decisions. I never received similar financial support, nor did I ever ask for it because I believed maintaining family relationships was more important than money. Now my parents are reportedly planning to sell some family properties, but they have never discussed anything with me. There is no transparency about their finances or future plans. Sometimes I feel they assume that because I live abroad, I must be financially comfortable. The truth is that my husband and I work very hard to provide a good life for our children, and nothing has come easily. My husband has no relationship with my family due to several conflicts over the years. While my family has certainly contributed to those problems, there have also been times when he spoke very disrespectfully about them, which caused tension in our marriage. I've also noticed that he holds some patriarchal views himself, so I sometimes feel caught between two different forms of the same mindset. Since learning about my parents' financial situation, he believes I should ask for my rightful share if the family assets are divided. His own family handled inheritance openly and fairly between siblings, so he feels that transparency avoids future disputes. I understand his point. The problem is that my family doesn't discuss these matters at all. They avoid the conversation entirely, and I genuinely don't know whether they intend to include me or not. At the same time, I don't want money to become the reason my relationships deteriorate further. I feel trapped between my husband, who believes I should stand up for my rights, and my parents, who don't even acknowledge the conversation. My biggest question is this: Am I wrong for expecting fairness, or am I allowing years of unequal treatment to influence my emotions? Is my husband being practical, or is he putting unnecessary pressure on me? Most importantly, how do I handle this without losing my peace of mind? I'm looking for thoughtful and respectful advice, especially from people who have dealt with family dynamics, inheritance, or patriarchal expectations. Please be kind—I genuinely want different perspectives, not arguments.
If comes to property .. you gals will jump from any part of the world …
Its fair to ask for the right. But, does you're husband also take responsibility(duty)of you're parents in old age as in you're brother? If not, that makes you guilty. Guilty of asking for the rights n not performing her duties
Hear me out. 1. Your parents money .. u have no claim... They are free to give whoever they want . Since u have no claim ur husband is wrong to demand 2. If it's money inherited directly from grandfather of your parents (not transferred or reregistered in between).. you have right full share .. and then he is right but still he doesn't have any right to ask
Properties are self earned by parents or they are ancestral? Ancestral property is Great Grandfather's property which had continued in the family WITHOUT division. You, siblings have birth rights ONLY in ancestral property. If it's self earned property then you don't have any birth right. It can be given to anyone by earner.
Wow many complexities at play here. I totally understand how you may be feeling about your sibling and your parents bailing him out all the time. Your feelings reg getting your fair share in inheritance are also not at all misplaced. Look, I know it's easier said than done but a respectful and open communication is the only way you will ever get transparency in this aspect. Hence give it some thought and broach the subject at the right time, whenever you feel that may be.
Sit with yourself for sometime, list down things which you want. Not your parents, not your husband...nobody.. what is it that you want. Think deeply because from your post I can see that you are a deep thinker.. write down your thoughts and what steps you want to take. Then write the pros and cons of these steps, both short term and long term.. for example, "I want to respectfully ask a share of the inheritance to my parents". Pros - I will be able to communicate my needs, I might get a chance to gain some of the inheritance. Cons - I might end up angering my parents, my sibling will think that I am greedy." Something like that. Weigh all the options.. but do what YOU really want to do, not your husband, not your parents, not your sibling... Do not let anyone's opinion influence it. Hope this helps
If it's Ancestral Property, you have the Right file a case & legally claim your Share in the Property... But if the Property has been earned by your Parents themselves, they have to Right to give it away to your Brother, excluding you... But in that case, you can tell them clearly, that in the Future, the Responsibility of taking Care of the Parents, lies entirely on your Brother who has inherited the Property... You may Emotional Support as & when Required... but you shall have no Financial Responsibility towards your Parents, Brother or his Family... If you can't confront your Family, directly... get your Husband to confront them & settle the matter...
Women asking for a share in their father's property is likely to open a pandora box specially in india where the primary care giving responsibilities for old parents rest with sons. Also, let's not forget about the dowry. Please also ask your husband if his sisters got their share in his parents' property. If he doesn't have a sister, did his aunts (Buaa) get their share in his grandfather's property ?
nothing wrong, whatever u fair share is there u can ask and get it...make sure it is fair wat u ask considering ur marriage expense and jewels they have given if any and ask remaining as ur share
When his parents divide a fair share, he's right to expect the same fairness from your end as well and it's not for him. But for your kids. If you get any, write them on your kids name, not you or husband.
Just for imagination, exchange genders, keep yourself in husband family and keep husband in your family, equal share have been done on your side and husband family not at all including him, is that fair point to leave just like that coz relationship matters more than money...
I think you should ask them once for the sake of your husband, but not push it if they say no. That way you won't spoil relationship with your family.
You were given stridhan and other gifts while getting married to your husband from both side, that's your share. You were given shagun and other things on every function, family gatherings and Poojas, you brother didn't get all those things. Tomorrow, if something happens to your parents you won't fly down to India and spend your money on them even if they had given to you, but brother is expected to do everything for them even cremation expneses, medical bills etc when the time comes. Problem is women have been numerous rights still they stop blaming men and patriarchay. You're living in different country, some men must jave paid for that too. Start enjoying the things you have and stop worrying for what you can't or will not have. Also, ask your husband will he give share to his sisters? It your and his parents wealth, let me do whatever they want to do with it. You don't have any right to enforce them tonshare that you or husband does not any say unless he is ready to share his parents wealth with your SILs.
Ancestoral property is passed down equally to all children and you have a right to it. Property purchased by your parents - your parents have the right to give it to whom ever they want . You can ask but it is not necessary they give it to you.
your husband has nothing to do with your parental wealth and its distribution.
I hv experienced the same before and once my mind struck I too hv a family and I need to be fair to my kids, I stood up.. it's fair that you get ur share before anyone of ur parents expires.. else u wl regret it for life..
Yes you commited mistakes at multiple places and just moving away without sorting any of it. Even now, you don't want to fix, instead you look for the way to escape from it.
If it belongs to your parents . Nothing can be done . Hold your head high and continue to work hard . Mind your business and build your " own " life .
The property is your parents hard earning which they have accumulated over the years so it should be their choice to whoever they want to give I think your husband is looking it like a lottery which he wants to win He is pressuring you unnecessary
Exactly. Bigger enemies for empowered women is her own family. You should file fake cases and jail them forever. They are your blood and owe you. BTW, you do this without remorse for husband’s family who don’t owe you anything actually. Dear Simps, Comment as follows: Be brave, more power to you, stay strong
Not had this experience, my parents were fair. Next, check for a lawyer and 1) seek clarification 2) check with him how to ensure you get your share.. Incidentally, your family, you deal. Your husband should not interfere if only because he will be blamed and your parents may turn against you. From what I know - self acquired property, your parents are free to distribute anyway they like, ancestral property, to be divided equally..
For once, try listening to your husband.
You are in ABROAD. you have AVG Career... You work and earn $€£ Your husband is working, earning $,€. You are just 39.... You can earn 10 times more than your parents. Right? So why bother about parents INR money... You can earn, yourself and live happily right?? Don't ask for any money, inheritance from parents. Be happy with them. Let them decide and do whatever they think is right. People >>>> money.
Did your husband give share to his sisters? Or has this tradition been followed in his family? If yes, then you should discuss this issue with your family and ask for your share.
You should consult a good lawyer or check on a legal advice forum.
Can't understand why parents are blind... It's always the lazy ones who get the property while hard working children continue their hard work. Your hub is not wrong in asking you to ask your parents. Make an earnest attempt to get a share and if you still don't get, it's fate. Atleast your husband's blame on you will end in this regard.
Nowadays 99% married men using their wife’s wealth to maintain sidechicks- Let your parents handle their properties- it is after all their hard earned wealth- Lest it be used later for unscrupulous purposes- your parents r older wiser they know what they r doing
Even though he is right to guide you that you should ask for your share but he shouldn't push you or put pressure on you. Putting pressure on you makes him look bad and that he is greedy and gold digger. He wouldn't want to look after your parents in their old age but wants you to ask for your share. That's plain greed and selfishness. Your parents should give you something, they should set aside some inheritance for you as well. Talk to them politely once and ask them what they think of it
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