Comments for Post #C27412

Hi, M27 here. Please tell me how to handle this situation. The issue is with my father. Since the beginning, he has never really respected anyone in the family, our relatives, or even his friends. However, he expects everyone to respect him and always listen to him. He wants everyone to be under his control. If we do anything without his knowledge, he gets angry and shouts at us. He doesn’t care who is around or who is listening when he does this. He constantly uses abusive language. If he opens his mouth, at least a couple of bad words will come out. My mother, my sisters, and I have all been scolded and insulted in front of relatives and other people. My sisters and I have never raised our voices against him. Sometimes my mother tries to stand up for herself, but she only ends up getting insulted even more. The things he says are often so harsh that they are difficult to even listen to. My sisters are now married, but he doesn’t even respect his sons-in-law. Whenever we question him about anything, instead of answering, he says things like, “Who are you to question me? What is your worth? What can you achieve?” This is the kind of response we get every time. This has been going on for years. I feel especially bad for my mother because she has suffered the most. Recently, my father was diagnosed with cancer, and we are currently undergoing treatment. I work in Chennai, and for the treatment, my father, mother, and I are staying together in a rented room there. Even now, despite everything, his attitude has not changed. He still scolds my mother over small things. My mother cooks, takes care of the house, and looks after him throughout his treatment, yet he continues to insult her. There is no TV in our room, and after finishing all my work, if my mom spend a little time on her phone, he gets irritated and starts criticizing her.He behaves as if nobody should do anything without his permission and everyone should simply obey him. I find it difficult to speak up. If I do, he immediately says that I have become arrogant because I am working and earning. On the few occasions when I have spoken up, he has threatened to leave the house, stopped talking to us, or created emotional drama. Since childhood, my sisters and I have rarely spoken against him. In fact, we hardly have any conversations with him at all. Usually, he asks a question and we answer—that’s the extent of our communication. People in the family respect him because he is one of the elders, but I don’t know what they truly think of him behind his back. He seems to believe that he is superior to everyone else and that nobody else matters. Because nobody has ever been able to consistently tell him that his behavior is wrong, he either doesn’t realize it or refuses to accept it, and he continues behaving this way. My question is: How can I help him change? I want him to respect others, treat people with dignity, and control his abusive language. Is there anything I can do, especially now during his illness, to improve this situation?