Gender: FemaleSubmitted on 6 September 2026 at 9:15 am
My husband won't work and we are trapped with his parents
I am a 39-year-old woman. I work in a college. My husband left his job 2 years ago, and my 11-year-old son, my husband, and I have moved in with my in-laws. My husband does not want to do anything now, and we are completely dependent on my in-laws, and they take advantage of this. My son and I are always targeted. My mother-in-law has been a government teacher and has done an M.A. in.Psychology. She knows how to dominate others, humiliate them, and keep herself in a safe zone. Whenever I work in the kitchen, she badmouths my husband and my son. She always says that this is her house and everything will run according to her here. My husband is completely financially dependent on them. I cannot say much because when I am at work, my son stays with them. This feels like a trap to me; I don't get the feeling of a home. Because of her words, I come to my room after doing all the household work, and she points this out too, saying, "What is this, have you allotted one room for yourself?" I don't feel like doing any household work, nor do I feel any enthusiasm. When we used to live separately, I used to do everything very well. Now it feels like stepping out of the room means going to war. Its impact is visible on my son too—he neither studies nor eats food, nor takes interest in any activity. He is also scolded a lot, so he stays outside more. What should I do, because my husband will not move out separately at this age?
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Anonymous12 September 2026 at 7:26 am
Didi, aapne jo likha hai usse saaf dikh raha hai ki aap trap me feel kar rahi ho, aur ye normal hai. Aap akeli nahi ho, bahut saari women is phase se guzarti hain. Aapki situation ke 3 layers hain, ek-ek karke dekhte hain: 1. Aapke husband: 2 saal se job nahi karna aur parents pe fully dependent ho jana - ye unka coping nahi, avoidance hai. Aur is avoidance ki sabse badi keemat aap aur aapka beta chuka rahe ho. Aapne likha "husband will not move out at this age" - move out karna hi solution nahi hai, lekin unka zimmedari lena zaruri hai. Ek baar pyaar se nahi, seriously baith kar baat karo - "Agar tum job nahi karoge toh humara beta kya seekhega? Hum kab tak dusron ke ghar me target bante rahenge?" 2. Aapki MIL - MA Psychology wali baat: Aapne sahi pakda. Wo dominate karna jaanti hain, safe zone me rehna jaanti hain. "Ye mera ghar hai, sab mere hisaab se chalega" - ye line hi batati hai ki wo ghar ko ghar nahi, control ka zariya samajhti hain. Kitchen me aapke husband-bete ki burai karna, aur aap room me jao toh "ek kamra allot kar liya?" kehna - ye classic taunting hai jisse aap hamesha guilty feel karo. Aap jab alag rehti thi tab sab achhe se karti thi, ab room se nikalna yudh jaisa lagta hai - iska matlab problem aap me nahi, environment me hai. 3. Aapka beta - sabse important: 11 saal ka bacha na padhai me, na khaane me, na activity me interested, bahar zyada rehta hai, bahut daanta jaata hai - Didi, ye RED FLAG hai. Bache sabse pehle toxic environment absorb karte hain. Wo dekh raha hai ki papa kuch nahi karte, mummy ko daanta jaata hai, dadi ghar control karti hai. Uske liye ghar safe nahi raha. Aap kya kar sakti ho - practical steps: a) Financial boundary: Aap college me kaam karti ho, aap independent ho. Apna ek small saving alag rakho, chahe 2-3k hi ho. Ye aapko mental strength dega ki aap completely dependent nahi ho. b) Bete ke liye safe space: Roz 30 min uske saath sirf uski baat - bina daante, bina padhai ke pressure ke. Pucho "school me kya hua?" Usko bolo "Mummy hai". Jab aap work pe hoti ho aur wo unke paas hota hai, toh use ek chhota sa routine do - shaam ko park, library, ya kisi trusted relative ke yahan. c) Kaam ka pattern badlo: Saara kaam karke room me chale jaana - isse unhe mauka milta hai bolne ka. Ek time table banao - kaam, phir thoda hall me baithna, beta ke saath TV. Aap room me jaati hain kyunki aapko shanti chahiye, lekin wo ise attitude samajhti hain. d) Husband ko ek deadline do - pyaar se lekin firmly. "2 saal ho gaye, ab koi bhi job, freelancing, tuition kuch toh start karo. Bete ke liye." e) Kisi counsellor se baat karo - akele, apne college me agar counsellor hai toh. MIL ko MA Psychology hai, toh aapko bhi ek neutral third person chahiye jo aapko guilt se nikaale. Didi, aap ghar ka saara kaam karke bhi taana sunti ho, job bhi karti ho, bete ka bhi sochti ho - aap weak nahi, bahut strong ho. Bas ab aapko apni strength ko apne bete ke liye use karna hai. Ghar wo hota hai jahan sukoon mile, jahan yudh me jaane ka ehsaas na ho. Agar alag hona abhi possible nahi, toh usi ghar me apne aur bete ke liye ek chhota sa sukoon ka kona banao. Aap akeli nahi ho. Himmat rakho.
Neelima11 September 2026 at 11:30 am
When you are financially dependent on someone else, these problems are common. Seeing your age I think your husband is in his early 40s.That is not too late. Ask him to find a job for himself, even if salary is lower than his previous job.Tell him that he cannot depend on parents money forever. Once things get little better , move out to your place.Meanwhile you also search for better paying job.With many of your problems will get solved. Also start searching to buy a house of your own so that you don’t have to face problems in future as well.
Anonymous11 September 2026 at 11:27 am
The biggest priority is your son’s emotional well-being and your own mental peace. Don’t accept humiliation as the price of financial dependence. Have a calm but firm conversation with your husband—he needs to take responsibility for his life and support you as a partner. If moving out is impossible immediately, set clear boundaries, create as much independence as possible, and start planning financially for a separate home. Most importantly, don’t let your son grow up believing that constant criticism and disrespect are normal family life. ❤️
Anonymous11 September 2026 at 6:22 pm
Can you afford (Rent+setup cost+utility bills+grocery+clothes+medical+school fees) for you and son only on your salary? If no, Then are your parents supportive? Can you move into their house and still continue your job & son's school uninterrupted? If no, Then you will have to adjust with MIL...
Anonymous11 September 2026 at 11:29 am
Why are you bearing these insults? Your husband is not only sitting idle, but he is also not protecting you and your son from this humiliation. Talk to him. Either he takes responsibility, or you and your son should move out. It's very important for a child to grow up in a healthy environment.
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