Comments for Post #C28032

I am struggling to choose between spineless liberal men and uncompromising traditionalists

F32 I Software development engineer | Income = 36 LPA. I am a Bengali girl born and brought up in a caste-free Hindu family in Asansol, West Bengal. I studied BTech (ECE) from a private engineering college under MAKAUT (formerly WBUT) and got placed in Wipro in 2016. After a few job switches, I am now working for Pune - based software company since February 2025. I lived in Pune for around 6 months. During these months, I was disgusted by the drugs-and-hookup culture among Pune's white-collar workforce. A girl in my office literally asked me how many guys I had hooked up with in the previous one month, and then mocked me when I told her I was a vi*gin. Around a year ago, I got permanent work-from-anywhere (citing parents' health issues) and since then, I've been working remotely from my parents' house in Asansol. I remain connected to my colleagues on various WhatsApp groups, where I passively observe conversations across various topics. I noticed that almost all of my colleagues are into smoking / alcohol (something I abstain from) and very politically liberal: they oppose patriarchy, support feminism, oppose marriage, and oppose childbirth. As I was never interested in socialising with my colleagues, I almost never participate in the chats. Around 3-4 months ago, my parents opened my profile in a few matrimonial apps and solicited a few interested male profiles. Through these apps, I got acquainted with 15-20 men of age group 30-35. Since my parents don't filter on political beliefs (and, as of now, neither do I), these men represent a wide variety of political beliefs. I noticed a startling pattern. The men who are the most liberal (anti-patriarchy, pro-feminism) are also the most heavily into smoking / alcohol, hookups, and frequent temple visits. When I asked a guy "would you be okay if your future wife cheated on you with her ex?", he literally said "it is her choice". Anyway, I blocked all of these spineless men after a few hours of chatting. The anti-liberal men pose a different kind of challenge: they literally say 'no' to almost everything (including alcohol / tobacco and hookups). For the most part, they are dismissive of women on average while being respectful of a handful of individual women they admire. While I find their unyielding nature attractive in a way, it is very hard to match with ones so uncompromising. One man told me that extramarital affairs should be punishable by death, and the Nobel Laureates Abhijit Banerjee and Esther Duflo are a cheater and a wh*re. We discontinued because he wanted to move to Singapore / Hong Kong. Another man (who is extremely upright to the point of showing me his browser history at a second's notice) told me flatly "I want at least 3 children, no less" and was not willing to consider the prospect of having 2 children. I am still talking to this man. I want your thoughts on a few things: 1. Are immoral men (I consider smoking / alcohol, hookups, and cheating immoral) drawn towards feminism / liberalism? What do they gain out of it? 2. Are upright men more drawn towards anti-liberalism / anti-feminism? Although they don't consider the average woman as an equal of the average man, each of these men treated me with far greater respect than any of the liberal / feminist men ever did. 3. All else equal, what sort of men make better life-partners?