Comments for Post #C28020

My search for love brought me two of the hardest heartbreaks

### **26F, Engineer — I Never Expected My Search for Love to Turn Out Like This** I'm a 26-year-old woman working as an engineer. Until a few years ago, I had never been in a relationship. No past. No heartbreaks. No complicated history. When marriage started becoming a topic in my life, my parents initially tried the arranged-marriage route. They looked for suitable matches for me, but somehow, nothing worked out. They couldn't find someone who felt like the right match. Eventually, my parents gave me permission to search for someone myself. So I started exploring matrimonial apps and trying to find someone I could genuinely connect with. I wasn't looking for a luxurious lifestyle. I wasn't expecting someone extremely rich or someone who would give me an extravagant life. My expectations were actually very simple. I wanted a good person. Someone genuine, trustworthy, loving and emotionally supportive. Someone with whom I could build a peaceful life. I was also honest about myself. I have bronchitis, and I told the people I seriously considered about my condition from the beginning. I never wanted someone to discover something important about me later and feel that I had hidden it. But the search itself wasn't easy. I came across people who weren't genuine, and a few people through matrimonial apps even scammed me for money. Still, I didn't give up. Eventually, I entered my first relationship. I loved him genuinely and thought maybe I had finally found my person. But I was cheated on. My first experience of love ended with betrayal. It hurt badly, but I still didn't stop believing in love. I thought maybe I had simply met the wrong person. Then came the second guy. And he completely changed my expectations. Before meeting him, I had never really expected luxury. Fancy trips, expensive things, a certain lifestyle — none of that was important to me. But he made me imagine a different kind of future. He spoke about things I had never even thought of expecting from a partner. He made me dream bigger and showed me a lifestyle that I hadn't previously considered necessary. Without realizing it, my expectations changed. He raised the bar. And I fell in love. Then, much later, I discovered that he was **HIV-positive from birth**. My first reaction was shock. I was angry. I scolded him. I couldn't understand why he had waited to tell me something so important. I had already been completely open about my own health condition from the beginning, so discovering something this significant about him only later made me feel hurt and betrayed in its own way. For a while, I didn't know what to think. But after the initial shock and anger settled, I started understanding his situation better. I realized that HIV didn't change who he was as a person. And slowly, I came to a decision: **I could stand by him.** I was willing to accept him and continue the relationship. I didn't want to leave someone simply because of a medical condition. I was ready to understand the situation, take appropriate precautions, and build a life with him. But my parents couldn't accept it. They were extremely worried about my future and were strongly against the relationship. I tried to make them understand, but eventually I reached a point where I realized that I couldn't go against my family. So I decided that I had to leave him. And that part still hurts. Because when I finally made the decision to leave, he asked me not to. He wanted me to stay. And his request made me feel incredibly guilty. A part of me kept thinking, *"I was willing to stand by him. Then why am I leaving now?"* It wasn't because I suddenly stopped loving him. It wasn't because I thought he was a bad person. And it wasn't because I blamed him for being HIV-positive from birth. I was leaving because I couldn't get my family to accept the relationship, and I didn't know how to choose between the person I loved and the family I couldn't imagine abandoning. Eventually, I had to let him go. And that became my second heartbreak. What made it even harder was that I wasn't only losing a person. I was losing the future I had imagined with him. The future he had made me dream about. The lifestyle he had introduced me to. The plans and promises I had started believing could actually become my life. And now, when I look back at everything, I realize how strange my journey has been. I first tried arranged marriage. No suitable match. Then I searched for someone myself. Matrimonial scams. Then a relationship where I was cheated on. Then another relationship where I genuinely fell in love, discovered that he had been HIV-positive since birth, was still willing to stand by him, but ultimately had to leave because my parents couldn't accept the relationship. Two relationships. Two heartbreaks. And I started with absolutely no past. Sometimes I wonder why finding love has been so difficult for me. Why does love seem so easy for some people? Why do some people find someone, fall in love, get married, and simply move forward with their lives? And why does it sometimes feel like the people who are genuinely honest, who love sincerely, who don't play games and who come with good intentions are the ones who end up getting hurt the most? I don't know if that's actually how life works, but after everything I've experienced, that's how it feels to me. I wasn't someone who expected the world. I wasn't searching for luxury. I wasn't even someone who had a long list of demands. I just wanted someone genuine. Ironically, after meeting the second guy, I started dreaming about more than I ever had before. Maybe I want to travel now. Maybe I want a comfortable life. Maybe I want to experience some of the things he made me dream about. But those weren't the things I originally searched for. What I originally wanted was much simpler: **Love. Trust. Honesty. And someone who stays.** Now I'm tired. Tired of matrimonial profiles. Tired of wondering who is genuine. Tired of trusting people. Tired of getting attached. Tired of starting over. So for now, I've stopped searching. I've left it to my parents again. Maybe they'll find someone. Maybe fate will. Maybe one day, love will find me when I'm no longer looking for it. I don't know what happens next. But for now, I'm choosing peace. Maybe someday I'll understand why my journey had to be this difficult. Until then, I can only hope that all the love I gave so sincerely wasn't wasted. Maybe somewhere ahead, life has something kinder waiting for me.