Comments for Post #C27993

I cheated once before we got married, confessed, apologized—and 13 years later, I’m still being punished for it

I’m 38M, married to my wife since 2013. We were in a relationship for three years before getting married. Before I say anything else, I want to admit something clearly: I made a terrible mistake. During those three years of our relationship, when I wasn't completely committed and mature enough to understand what I had, I had an affair with a colleague who lived in another city. It became physical once. It was completely unexpected, but I know that doesn't make it less wrong. For the rest of those three years, I had never crossed that line. But that one incident was enough to destroy the trust between us. My girlfriend found out. I apologized genuinely. I knew I had hurt her and I accepted that I was responsible for what happened. We eventually got married about a year after the incident, and I promised her that I would remain loyal to her for the rest of my life. I honestly believed that, with time, we would heal. I was wrong. That incident has followed us throughout our entire marriage. My wife still believes that I am having affairs or trying to have them. I can't comfortably interact with female colleagues. I have been restricted from attending society meetings because she believes I am trying to get attention from women there—even though some of those women literally call me "Bhaiya." I understand why she became insecure. I understand that I created the original wound. I have never denied that. But I don't know how many years someone can be expected to keep paying for the same mistake. In December 2025, we went on vacation with my brother and his family. I treat my brother's wife like my younger sister. There was a random video from the swimming pool. My brother, his wife, me, my son, my daughter and other random people were enjoying ourselves. My son was sitting on my shoulders, and I was playing with a ball with the kids. While throwing the ball, some water splashed toward my brother's wife. My wife saw the video and told me I was flirting with her. I was honestly shocked. There is a difference between being insecure because of something that happened in the past and seeing romantic intentions in completely normal interactions. Recently, she even accused me of trying to flirt with a 15–16-year-old girl who comes to our house to help with household work. That accusation broke something inside me. For the last several months, our marriage has been on the verge of divorce. Since 2023, divorce has been threatened almost every week during arguments. Whenever I go for a business meeting or business trip, I am asked for live location, photographs, random video calls and proof of where I am. I feel like I'm constantly trying to prove that I'm not doing something wrong. And the worst part is that I am being portrayed as someone I don't believe I am—a desperate, flirty man who is looking for women everywhere. I don't recognize myself in the person I am constantly being accused of being. At the same time, I'm already struggling emotionally because I suffered a major financial loss in 2024. Instead of having my home become a place where I can recover, it has become another battlefield. Arguments, accusations, suspicion and threats of divorce happen again and again. And sometimes they happen in front of our children. We have a 13-year-old daughter and a 4-year-old son. That scares me more than anything else. I can tolerate someone questioning my character. I can tolerate being embarrassed. I've never really cared much about my own self-respect. But watching my children witness their parents constantly fighting is becoming unbearable. Sometimes I genuinely think: Maybe I should just get divorced and end this cycle. Then I look at my children and stop myself. I don't want them to grow up believing that marriage means living in suspicion, accusations and fear. But I also don't want them to grow up without their father being around every day. I am not writing this post to claim that I'm innocent. I'm not. I betrayed my girlfriend once before we got married. I accept that completely. I regret it. If I could go back, I would never do it. But I also don't know whether one terrible mistake should mean that I spend the rest of my life being treated as guilty of things I haven't done. At what point does accountability become punishment? At what point does insecurity become control? And at what point does trying to save a marriage become destroying yourself and your children in the process? I still love my wife. That's probably why I'm still here. But I'm exhausted. I don't know whether I should keep fighting to rebuild a marriage where trust seems impossible, or accept that maybe some wounds simply never heal. If you were in my position, what would you do?