Comments for Post #C27970

a big red flag 🚩. with this much question in future after marriage if it happens they will interfere more in your life and eventually try to move you away from your parents itself.

One thing for sure, her mother will influence & intervene in all your family matters after marriage, if you are fine with it go ahead or step back immediately.

First be proud on urself ur selfmade person ...Secondaly it's normal to enquire as ever parents want to ensure security to their daughter ..just make it clear u ll take responsibility of ur parents and that non negotiable .....that's it u didt have very large family that difficult to manage ...and it's good to be in clear communication from both side nothing to feel insulted

Financial questions are normal in an arranged marriage, but the way they are asked matters.... Asking about income and responsibilities is fair, but questioning why his father couldn't buy land or how much gold his mother has can understandably feel disrespectful.... More importantly, the girl dismissing his feelings as ‘overthinking’ needs to be discussed..... Before ending the alliance, have one clear conversation about parents, finances and boundaries.... Her response will tell you whether this is just an awkward incident or a genuine red flag.

This is my personal view, if there’s no love or you don’t foresee love in prospective relationship and only see the relationship being transactional then I would say no. Make sure you foresee love in the relationship. If there is love, life will be beautiful and transactions will take care of itself but if it is transactional, you won’t have both

They're just trying to calculate how much they can extort out of this marriage🤣 just tell them that everything is in your fathers name & see how fast they run💀

This is too early to talk about these details with the girl’s mother. You can simply decline speaking with her anymore because they will keep questioning in future as well. You can politely reply that she has no future with you, and that you aren’t ready for getting married right now.

If you are such a genuine person tell them that you won't expect any dowry or assets from the girl likewise you will not be in a position to disclose yours too. Questions start coming when you start asking the girls house for things then they start scrutinizing every aspect likewise.

Financial questions are normal and required to be discussed. If you felt insulted by the enquiry, you can think of stepping back. But that also means that you/ your parents are not asking for any dowry bcz then you would also enquire about her parent's earnings & property.

I think what you’re doing for your parents is admirable. The girl’s mother isn’t wrong for asking about your family’s financial situation, because her daughter’s future will be connected to yours. Even an independent, working woman may take a temporary or permanent career break after having children, and during that phase, the financial responsibility can largely fall on the husband. These are practical questions that families may consider in both love and arranged marriages. What matters is how those questions are asked—if she was respectful, it’s understandable; if she was rude or insulting, that’s for you to decide.

In arrange marriage it is bound that parents will check the family background. It happens with both sides. Boy's family check details of girl's family and vice versa. As a mother she has every right to examine the financial stability of the family where her daughter will marry. But yes the confessor has every right to say if he feels this family will not respect him in future

No I don't think this is a good family. I too had an arranged marriage and trust me neither my parents nor me even knew what my husband's salary was. We knew where he was working and that was enough to know. 15 years now we are still going strong touchwood and we have built a life together by being each other's support throughout. I think you are a simple and honest guy. Don't fall into this trap. You deserve better and you will get better.

After marriage these questions will arise again with many conditions and boundaries..... Sorry to say this but find someone else

Not sure how things work in an arranged-marriage setup since mine was a love marriage, but quite frankly, I see quite a few red flags here that would be difficult to ignore. 1. If the boy and girl are already speaking to each other, shouldn't questions about finances, family responsibilities and expectations first be discussed between the two of them? These are absolutely legitimate conversations to have before marriage—but the manner in which they are asked matters. When families start conducting what feels like financial due diligence on a prospective groom, somewhere the idea of two people discovering compatibility gets lost. 2. Whatever happened to the idea of building a life together? I don't mean this as a generalisation about women, because it certainly isn't true of everyone. But from several arranged-marriage experiences I have seen among friends and relatives, there sometimes seems to be disproportionate emphasis on what the man already has—salary, house, assets, lifestyle, family liabilities—rather than what the two people are capable of building together. Financial compatibility is important. Wanting security is perfectly reasonable. But there is a fundamental difference between asking: "What kind of life can we build together?" and "What kind of life have you already built for me?" 3. If a man's responsibility towards his ageing parents is viewed as an inconvenience or liability, there is something fundamentally uncomfortable about that. A woman naturally has responsibilities, affection and concern for her parents even after marriage—and rightly so. The same dignity has to extend to the man. If her parents' health, financial needs and wellbeing remain important after marriage, his parents cannot suddenly become an inconvenient expenditure simply because he got married. Marriage should expand families, not demand that one person emotionally or financially abandon theirs. 4. Since when did monetary abundance become the sole measure of a man's ability to provide? Income matters. Financial discipline matters. Ambition matters. But so do integrity, reliability, competence, resilience, work ethic, emotional stability, judgement and the willingness to stand beside your family when things aren't going well. A person earning ₹30 lakh today but living recklessly is not necessarily a better life partner than someone earning ₹12 lakh who is responsible, capable and steadily building his future. And perhaps this is the part that bothers me the most. There seems to be an extraordinary checklist attached to being considered a "good man" today. Be financially successful. Be ambitious. Provide security. Be emotionally available. Be a good husband. Be an involved father. Take care of your parents. Be supportive of hers. Handle crises calmly. Never appear overwhelmed. And somehow keep proving that your intentions are genuine through all of it. This isn't to suggest that women have it easy—they absolutely have their own pressures, expectations and battles. But acknowledging women's struggles should not require pretending that men's struggles don't exist. At its best, marriage shouldn't be about finding the person who arrives with the biggest balance sheet. It should be about finding someone with whom you trust yourself to build the balance sheet, the home, the family, the difficult years and the good ones together. Maybe that's an old-fashioned idea. But I still think that's what partnership is supposed to mean.

The mother trying to find out the amount of a future alimony

Financial questions are normal to some extent but beyond that it is too much

You come from place where people have questioned your parents choice and finance by the society and relatives. You already know this question when you were growing up. You thought when you start building finance this questions will stop? It did not? The questions are the same people are different. You know the decision what to make

While shortlisting match from matrimonial site, did you check 1. Caste 2. Ancestral hometown 3. Education 4. Salary When you met girl or while chatting before meeting, did you tell her that 1. You are from lower middle class background 2. You don't have much ancestral property 3. Your father doesn't have much self made property 4. If you have any financial responsibilities like building house for parents, siblings education/marriage 5. Do you/parents expect dowry 6. Who is going to pay for marriage expenses 7. Your wife's salary will be used for whom, how? 8. Who is going to take care of your wife's parents? 9. And your parents? 10. If both are going to work, who is gonna do chores? 11. Are your parents going to come live with you eventually? So wife should be mentally prepared to live in joint family in future. 12. If you expect 50-50 from her, can her parents come and stay with her as well? 13. Will you do 50-50 in chores and child rearing and mental load of running home? Etc... I think all these questions/points are very important to discuss and accept/agree upon BEFORE getting married.

It's a trap no doubt...see their reaction when you counter the same questions and do cite equal treatment too... And I hope the woman is employed and is earning similar to you... If you bring 40lac she should bring atleast 30lac without any question....

Financial questions are normal but beyond a limit it is not good.

Sometimes reality hits hard , but your home at your Village is yours also ,it's a asset , new land + home is also assets

She is completely right asking all those questions, she is mother and wants her daughter future to be secure. And she is trying to understand your financial stability. And you also deserve questioning them if require.

Escape, Run away without turning back.

As a Mom I feel every parents has the right to see the background of the prospect. Don't take her wrong.

Bro after giving their daughter they can't ask any questions. May be the negative news which they come across which caused a fear in them would have also a reason. These questions are general bro .

Since she is particular about ur family status income U should also be very particular about the parents of that girl. From the beginning u should say very firmly that they should maintain their distance and keep respect. Check with that girl,whether she loves u or interested in the marriage.and also convey ur stand very clearly

puri duniya me ek hi ladki hai kya? End this hangover.

Bhai mat kr shadi. Nhi to shadi k bad bhi us ladki k mummy ka interfere rhega tumhari life me aur zindagi narak bana degi dono mil kr. Batter h wha se move kro.

Dear no one owns you anything to be proud of you being selfmade It's their right to ask these questions. Why would she let her daughter suffer if your family struggled? If you don't find this a suitable match so no and move on. Arranged marriages happen like this only

May be wants to check debts of the family which will fall on them after marriage. Enquiring financial stability of boy is a basic necessity in marriage talks. If parents are not able to build a home means the present income is insufficient and family will not be able to survive a financial crisis such as job loss of son irrespective of degrees. Gold is also an asset and if a family has no gold it means they have absolutely zero shield from financial risks. Better marry after securing some assets in life. Mere intentions are not enough.

It's normal to ask before marriage from girls side ....they give daughter to a unknown family so they want to know everything about you.... sometimes parents doesn't ask anything....after marriage they get to know...that prospective groom has multiple financial responsibilities of family which can definitely be shift to girl after marriage. It ll be newly wedded couple under many financial responsibilities of family ....when ll they start making asset for them.... please don't take offensive it's needed to ask ...my family didn't ask anything... reality hit after marriage....if u feel insulted u can discontinue but don't overthink

Bro I am just amazed that your Itian and asking this question here. Parents are everything first of all. Ek ldki ghr bna bhi skti hai or bigad bhi skti hai. Your deserve the best. My suggestion usko immediately chod do.

No. Always marry a girl from same status or lower than yours , you will feel respected , you are an iitian and earning descently and good son, never marry in family that interfers on your financial decisions and heavily argue , such is the mother so how will be her daughter and also may be similar her father as in such families always money minded talks are going on during the day and night, money is just important to live but not to be discussed too much time. Hope you get my point, marry a girl who admires you and belong to same or low status , is less or equally educated, is beautiful but not so much that you cant handle her charisma and smartness . Everything should be balanced if not its a red alert

Better to tell her now it self that , apart from your rent basic food and some little extra ,rest all of the money you are going to give to your parents till they have home in city, Once that is done , you will eventually buy something in city for your self. But there is not timeline and they are priority and anyhow at the end you are going to own that home so it's just a investment. If she agrees then it's good , if not then you know the answer. I feel they are money minded,but I feel this will work for you in every situation

You should have asked her about their financial condition

As an arranged marriage mothers have right to know. Especially Indian sons do give money to their parents, for long periods of time. You are from humble backgrounds and have financial dependents, you shouldn’t get offended by these questions as this is your reality, why want to hide it from your future wife? She has every right to know about you before marriage.

It is a big NO...just you also ask her mother how much gold does her mother have..how much gold she will give her...what property does she have in her daughter '''s name....house..land...gold...how much her husband is earning..tell her to show income tax returns....tell her that you want your future wife to earn as much as you are earning or near to your income....also she needs to contribute in running of the family 50 : 50 ratio...then see the fun . Enjoy life as you want

Plz don't marry her.... A very big no... C looks for the financial status. Her mom too.... Eventually only u r the only son. After ur parents life it's going to be urs basically. Keep doing it for ur parents. Take care and respect their old age and support them.

A firm NO

Run buddy Run as far as you can from this proposal

It's a big time no . Also , share you salary to them and then say positive things that you are willing to marry her daughter. Than immediately say no , like a boss 😎. And cut the call by saying , "Auntyyyy ... Bye bye or apni beti ko bi bye bye kehna" 😎 . Apart from that , this is the reality of society.

I m sharing one real incident here please read and like if anyone read this so that I get to know how many reading this One girl married to self made boy having job rs 80k and his family is lower middle class however girl belongs to middle class upper family they got married as girl family think ladka aacha h to sab accha hi hoga means boy is good what all they want then after 4 yrs of marriage they were all happily living then the girl got pregnant and in 8th month the boy expired due to sudden heart attack then the boy family take over all assets of boy like bank balance vehicles and all household items the girl was in her last month of pregnancy she was with her parent after all thing happened and deliver a boy after that they never called the girl or given her household item nothing they didn't bother about the newborn she have contacted them but no response they didnt want to take care of the girl or child koi zimmedari nhi lena h

Big Red.Signal, Seriously Avoid getting further into Such Marriage Proposal

If her mother is going to behave like this and more interfering post marriage then obviously u should not go ahead with this ..n it is important for the gals parents to enquire about the guys financial status as the gal is coming to ur house n these things should be clear, but the way it was asked should have been better without making u feel insulted n more over they should see ur capability not what ur parents have .. if u think the gal has same frequency as urs then spend some more time to make a decision, else opt out of the set up!!

I would have said no straight to her mother Even if you marry, her mother will intefere in every decision

U should ask how much dowry u can give, how much gold she gives to her daughter, and dowry should be N multiplied by ur salary, this type of questions comes in arranged marriage but not at first meeting. And I think u forgot to mention the girl's income .

Bhag ja bhai

There is a difference between financial questions and the questions she asked you. It's not worth the mental piece my friend.

Questions are beyond boundaries I guess they know you have made a ground for yourself n parents due to tireless efforts from your parents the why these unnecessary questions ....if she is confident of her daughter's capability to contribute in future finance with you as a family why to ask financial history or....she has some alternate thoughts about family and marriage in future

Don't proceed... They are marrying the girl to you not your father to ask how much your father earns or how much gold your mother has... Asking about your financial stability is fine as those are basic questions in an arranged marriage setup, you can ask or keep your requirements clear in the beginning itself to avoid future conflicts... But in this case, the mother seems to be very intervening which is most likely to continue post marriage too... This could have been discussed by the girl with you in a subtle way..

Big red flag - run while you can

I don't think it's a good match. The family will interfere in your matters.

A clear Red flag, just run away

Bhai ap dowry mang lo 50 lakh as you’re IITian

We all know these double standards, so better ask yourself how you want to picture your future. Your parents raised through lots of hard work and sacrifices. So assuming you are not asking for dowry, be very cautious while looking for a partner. Choose quality over looks, education and family. Find a girl who is ambitious about her work, goals rather than looking out for every inch of your financials and mature enough to find the difference between reel life and real life.

What is normal and what is not is one part of it, of you dont like it you dont marry her. Simple. It may be normal but you didnt like it is what matters.

Walk away brother, her mother was calculating how much alimony she can get, she is a control freak . Being an iit 40 lakhs earner, I Hope you have good iq to see between the lines what she wanted to accomplish with this marriage.

Why are you trying to marry someone who has more generational wealth than you? See the problem is you are looking for someone who is of your earned financial standard, if you want an understanding family than marry someone who belongs to your parents financial standard. Obviously her parents will think about her daughter, if you had a sister your parents would have done the same.

How about you ask her and her mother, what all they own, how much the girl is making, how much her dad made? What all does he own? Does she have siblings where the wealth gets divided? If they intend to give the daughter a fair share? Make a list and let her go…

Have you heard about gold diggers ? If not she is a one good specimen

Everything aside. Lower middle class have few acre land? Wo bhi Bihar me? Kuch bhi.

No and no

Red flag....Just end it and move ahead. If you marry this lady, her mother will interfere in every small affair of your house.

Don't marry this red flag dude, Bhag le bhai, tujhe neele drum ki kasam. Muh na thatun, bhatar chahi mithun

I dont think, you will have to pursue or not pursue. They themselves will make excuses and step back from this in the coming days-is my hunch. So you can start looking for other options without delay and dont invest too much time into this alliance.

Run baby run !

Run away bro.. it’s mess

Be proud of yourself . Your parents are a big failure career wise still you protect their respect and also you are paying for their life since your dad was a career wise failure... Best of luck...

Stay away from such greedy ppl. Her mother had no business asking about your father's income or your mother's jewellery

Same way boys question d girls,is t red flag

Bro, run! This is not the way things work even in an arranged marriage set up.

You know the answer already, don’t be a simp and walk away.

save your life bro

Bhai shadi mat kar, this girl is very bad

It's a red flag bro

Asking about your and your family finances is not an issue itself basic information a girl parent wants. Issue is that the girl could have asked all this in between conversations without intervention of mother. If her mother is so dominant before marriage she will dominate her after marriage as well and that is gonna ruin your life.

A capital NO

No this will become big issues in future and you will end of hurting either one of them and lose peace of mind

Wo shadi ke bad kitna extortion kar sakte hai ye calculate kar rahe hai A big red flag bro

Huge red flag… your mother in law is going to be a constant in your marriage and it is going to ruin your peace of mind. If the girl also earns similar to you, you can think of proceeding, else don’t marry.

Red flags everywhere red flags everywhere beware

498 - alimony material girl

It's a v big red flag. No lady with an iota of self respect will ask ask such questions bluntly. Be firm & tell her you are not interested in this alliance. You need a girl from a respectable family & there is no dearth for girls from respectable families .

Ask same questions to girl

Please ask to that girl family how much do you pay as dowry tab dekho unki gand me kaise mirchi lagti hai, also ask after marriage girls should not pay money to her parents, tab dekho gand me mirchi nahi direct rocket fat jayega😂😂 also ask after divorce alimony should be zero, tab dekhna Gand me pura atom bomb hi fat jayega

Red flags could not be more obvious!

Run mate run far away, big red flag

Julio Alvarez are you the parent of that girl?? Since u are commenting for most of the opinions in support of the girl n her family

As a woman, I say this: Please don't get into an alliance where the other party does not have the bare minimum courtesy to carry a conversation in a way that does not feel insulting. She could have asked these things in a polite manner, seeing how these are sensitive queries. Frankly, your father's income and property should not even be a concern for her, imho.

Walking red flag. Avoid and run.

It's an arranged marriage. What will it be arranged on? Your earning potential and assets. Happens in almost all arranged marriages.

there is wrong and right part of this situation brother,if u think from her parents side they want a stable and financially secure person to marry her daughter,although it's not guaranteed that stable person can keep his status even after marriage as nobody can control future,u will definitely feel humiliated bcs u loved her and u r 100% cabapable of taking care of her and she can also earn for her expenses that should be made common in india,so talk to her if she wants to marry u or your money

🚩🚩🚩🚩

Just one word: stay away. You're doing great. If you marry her then I think your parents will live lifelong in that rented home or you will have to build two houses: one for your parents and one for your wife. Also there's going to be lots of interference from the girl's mother in your married life. You should also have shared with us about the girl: education (which college), earning, her own achievements, her looks, her past, character, etc. How much is she going to receive as wedding gift from her parents?

This is not normal. It seems tha her mother interfere in her would be family and will continue afyer marriage. Even daughter donot feel bad about mother's behavior. Pl donot marry her.

Bro Run Run run away from Gold digger, and dont fall into the Trap. I think God is given one chance for u to realise. So leave her she is not for u.

Just drop it

Bhai don't go for this family,they seem too much invested in monetary things and laalchi kind of people.

Pure business, only interested in money and lands. Run right away.