Comments for Post #C27951

You're NOT demanding too much. Respect goes both ways. They chose to exclude your mom/sister but want you to work for them? That's not okay. It's fair to step back from responsibilities. Protect your peace and your parents' dignity. Sending you strength ❤️

Don't do anything ..If they expect something they should also behave in tandem ..which is not happening in ur case ...u mentioned that u are also working ..so u can have a discussion with ur husband about your expectations financially and reach a consensus and let him spend for his family as they have invested in his education n all but that should not jeopardize your future and he should maintain a balance ..also they can't disrespect ur family and how they behaved is not acceptable and if u do everything now without taking ur stand then expect the same behaviour to be repeated always ..choice is urs

The biggest challenge is not living in a joint family. Because, his environment does not change, yours does. He has one person who will pamper him, you have a whole crowd to take care of. That said, tell your husband you will give his family as much respect as he does for yours. And take part in the engagement. Don't overdo. If things go your way, good ( by this, I mean the mutual respect but,) . If not, you know what to do.

I don't think you are asking for too much by expecting basic respect and equal treatment for your parents and siblings. However, I would separate the invitation issue from your responsibility at the engagement. Your MIL's decision not to invite your mother and sister, especially when other relatives were invited, understandably feels hurtful. And if she spoke rudely to your mother, that makes it even more difficult. Your husband should also recognise that the expectations placed on your family when your brother got married should be applied fairly to his own family. At the same time, refusing to participate in the engagement completely may turn the situation into a bigger family conflict and could eventually be used against you. You don't have to become the event manager, but you can attend as a family member and help within reasonable limits. I would tell your husband calmly, I am willing to attend and support your sister because she is not responsible for the differences between the families. But I will not take on unlimited responsibilities while my own family is being treated disrespectfully. Most importantly, don't make this a competition about who spent more money or whose family sacrificed more. Your husband's financial responsibility towards his parents and sister is his choice and shouldn't automatically mean that you must accept disrespect or unlimited domestic responsibilities. The bigger issue seems to be the pattern of expectations and boundaries in your marriage. Discuss those issues with your husband privately rather than fighting before every family event. If he genuinely loves and cares for you, he needs to understand that supporting his family and standing up for his wife are not mutually exclusive. Be respectful, participate if you genuinely want to, but don't allow guilt to force you into doing everything. Boundaries are more effective when they are communicated calmly and consistently rather than through a complete withdrawal at the last moment.

Imagine a scenario , if during your marriage you had and a brother who is obviously the provider from the family and his wife refusing to take responsibility due to some previously unfulfilled family fueds ? How would you feel ? Your FIL seems like a nice person too but in this world male lives are completely revolving around the spouse and family needs rather than there own .. which is how family works... Nothing is always perfect. Giving dowry or demanding the same is wrong but what's done is done don't let the decision of your father and your FIL ruin your marriage. Also you have written you have good relations which your husband which is a great part of marriage. Pls be kind here is my suggestion as it will always bounce back to you.. a small amount of kindness will always come back . Marriages don't happen more than once for many people and it's once a lifetime experience.. dont you think you should not be a remembered as too cold or in negative light for the same ? Choice is yours . I don't know the full extent of what really happened between your family. But for some family functions or gathering, i feel rising up and being kind should go a long way .. as set the right example for the kids around us .

What was the reason for a dowry for him? Is he earning a lot? Even if he is, after knowing the entire family depends on him, what made him a lucrative option to you? I am just curious to know.

Why give dowry my first question ? Whenever money is spoken as the medium of marriage there is unhappiness.

You pls be too good with your SIL inlaws before your MIL tarnish your image with them.. slowly post marriage you bring your inlaws reality to ur sil inlaws ..they will realise it ..this u shud politely ..let their daughter suffer ,then their focus will shift there .. pls dont think I m misguiding you

Do not tolerate disrespect in any form. Whoever it is

Mostly women ke sath yhi hota hai shadi ke bad.... Sasural walo ke liye chahe kitna bhi kar lo usko wo log kuchh samjhte hi nhi aisa lgtah unka hak hai yesab or badle me bahu ko sirf taane or kamiya ginayi jati hai uski family ko roj insult kiya jata h uske samne or fir bhi usi se ummid ki jati h ki sab kuchh sehkar wo chupchap jhukegi or adjust karegi... Har sahi galat me bahu ko hi jhukaya jata hai... Or husband bhi is sabme apne family ka sath deta hai

You should have slapped hard your mil and your husband on the first day

Don't completely give up. Don't run here and there for every chore. Do the arrangements slowly and steadily at your pace whatever is possible. Those who want faster can do it themselves or hire a maid.

Real gold diggers are men who want submissive provider wife (who earns but still does all those 'ideal' DIL, wife, mother duties). --- I have asked few days back to high earning women - why exactly are they getting married to such men and also paying dowry and all... What exactly are these men bringing to table?

Your husband and your mother in law, both are immature and don't give a f*ck about how you feel disrespected by their actions towards your parents and family. You took a stand for what is right, good on you. Do whatever you can in the engagement and don't overstretch yourself. Post the function make it clear to your husband and mother in law,that this was the last time that they disrespected your family,politely but firmly without any fight. Hire a maid from your salary ,make your life peaceful and easier for yourself.Both of you will have to bear the responsibility of the family, you have to make peace with it. You are a working educated woman don't fall in the typical trap of in laws planning & plotting. Enjoy life with your husband and kid.

Simply sit silently and say Iam having Back pain! Don't damn give them respect they don't deserve! Trust me, this is common problem in every house hold! Every one wants a earning beautiful and submissive women which is contradictory! Simply sit and enjoy the drama

You are not born to stay in that family because they don't love you nor respect you nor your family when there is so many red flags why you are attending any function and becoming maid for them in the last they will taunt you only it's better to walk away

Send ur MIL to old age home and real culprit is ur husband who don't support you

MIL DISRESPECTED FIL DID HIS JOB U DO THE FUNCTION AS A JOB JOB UNLESS U FEEL UR HUBBY STANDS WITH U DON EVEN THINK OF REBELLIN AT THIS POINT AS THEY WILL BRAND U AS HOMWRECKER. Watever ppl may say abt respect situation now is wrong. But make sure u take a good talk on this when the times right

Sorry to say but your father should not have given dowry and that is a crime also! That was the first mistake. Why did he give dowry? Was the situation so desperate for you to marry into such a greedy family? And doesn't your SIL work? Why can she not work and earn her own money??