I'm morally conflicted between my close friend & my Fiancee... I'll give you a brief Back-story for context... My Father used to run a Business, along with his Friend... the Son of my Father's Business Partner had been my Best Friend I'm Childhood. Both of our Families were very close & we grew up together. But, later, my Father had Cheated his Business Partner, by taking a huge amount of loan, on his name. By the time, he had realised that he had been Cheated, it was too late & he had to sell away his Ancestral Property to repay the Loan Sharks, who were threatening him & his Family. He had gone into severe Depression & died of Heart Failure, within months. Then, my Friend's Widowed Mother, shifted to her Brother's Town, along with him & his Younger Sister. Thus, I lost my Best Friend & had nothing but Bitter-sweet memories. Even as a young boy, I realised that Injustice was happening right in front of my Eyes, but I was helpless to do anything. We grew up in Prosperity as my Father's Business Flourished. My Elder Sister is Married to NRI & settled abroad. I graduated from IIT & then pursued MBA from an IIM. I got placed with a great Package (₹30LPA) but my Father wanted me to work for a few years & then take over his Business. But Karma caught up with my Father & he died of a Sudden Heart Attack. I had no intention of taking over his Business, which he had acquired using immoral & unethical means. So I negotiated the sale of the Business at a good profit & the amount has been deposited in my Mother's name as I continued with my Corporate Job. Then I reached out to my Childhood Friend as I felt that I owed him Reparations for what my Father had done. Then I realised that his Family had been Struggling since the Death of their Father. He couldn't receive a good education & was doing a menial job to support the Education of his Younger Sister. I brought his Mother back to our Native place to live along with my Mother in our Ancestral Home & they both would be joint account holders of the Fixed Deposit (earnings from the sale of my Father's Business), the Interest was sufficient to support their livelihood, including their Medical Expenses. I got him a better paying Job in our Company. His sister got a paid seat in a Medical College to pursue MBBS & I have been sponsoring her Education entirely. All was going well for 2 years, then the topic of my Marriage came up. Both our Mothers proposed that I marry my Friend's Younger Sister but I politely declined as she was much younger than me & I had always seen her as my Sister. Later, I got an Arranged Marriage proposal from a Good Family. The Girl is also well educated & working a Decent Job, but she also has the dream of having her own Start-up, I was on board with the idea & I also told her everything, which I have narrated until now, she seemed to agree with everything. But after we got engaged, she started questioning me about the monetary support which I have been providing my Friend's Family. When she asked how long will I keep supporting the Family, I told her that atleast until the Younger Sister completes her Medical PG (She's in her 3rd year of MBBS now) & gets Married. My Fiancee didn't like the idea, she wants me to discontinue the financial support after 2 years, when my Friend's Younger Sister completes her MBBS. By then, she expects her to start earning by herself or her own Brother to support her as we would also be planning to have our own Children, by then & even she would need my Support for her Startup. I tried explaining to her that my Friend was working hard on Up-skilling but his Career growth could take years, along with the Risk of getting laid off & he won't be able to support his Younger Sister's Medical PG & that she would need my support until then as just being an MBBS Graduate doesn't pay much & I would have to keep supporting her until she completes her Medical PG, settles down in her Career & gets Married. My Fiancee is becoming more & more insistent, day by day & I am morally conflicted between my Friend's Family & my Fiancee. I feel that both sides correct in their own way... My Friend's Family (Morally) & my Fiancee (Practically). Please suggest me what to do...
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Often children have to correct the mistakes done by parents... U owe them... They would have never been in this situation if their dad wasn't cheated... Ur frnd too would have been IIM graduate.. U r doing a very good deed by supporting them, and only few years remain maximum 5 urs.. Don't pull that support now, it will break them mentally.... As for fiancee.. Yes she is right but u can explain her that its ur moral responsibility... She too is earning...start up idea can be postponed by 2 yrs... Or she could save and start on own and u will join later...going with morally correct thing will give u life long peace of mind and soul...
Firstly hats off 🫡to you for what ur doing it takes a big heart. I would suggest choosing ur roots is always a better option. All the Best choose wisely🙂
Nobody will talk about which girl you married in later years. But the peace of mind and satisfaction you will get by correcting the mistake your father did will be unmatched. People who know you for what you did will remember through generations. I will say wait for another proposal or at best marry your friend's sister if not now, maybe later once she completes her PG. Try to get to know till then, maybe she is a good match. Otherwise, doors are open for you anyway for other proposals.
There's something I believe called " Pitru Dosh" . As children we own property, good deeds from parents, same goes for their wrongdoing..this haunts the family if it's not settled. The universe has given you the opportunity to settle your deeds now, so that you and your progeny don't suffer. Karma is real and shall be with you always. You know what's the answer!
She’s ur fiancée n not yet wife… so let her have her life… You’ll get a better life..
May be settle a large amount corresponding to what ur father cheated then.. and help them establish some kinda business in a way that would make sure the friend and the sister are benefitted till they could stand on their own! I don't think u ll have to be the one who releases money to them on a timely basis! It's good that u feel responsible to rectify ur father's mistake.. but do that in a better manner.. by giving them the half of the sold share may be!! And be a consultant kinda support to make sure it is invested properly!
Your fiancée is not wrong. After MBBS graduation the girl is well capable to take care of herself. You would have done yours. They are already earning interest from FD. Let her take the responsibility from there. If needed then you can provide support.
Dump ur fiancee if she acts selfish.your ethics should be exemplified in our society.in my opinion she should support you in every step of life and this a very rare noble cause.but make sure you communicate that to your friend and their family as well
Sadly brother it’s a fair argument from your fiancé. What you have done is commendable but your fiancé will never be as forthcoming as your family is. There are ways to settle things: 1. Estimate a corpus and gift your friends sister that amount such that it take complete care of her education till degree. For post-grad, she can draw a education loan and its not that big of a deal 2. Ask your fiancé to make amends with the situation and ask her to accept the situation in entirety. For example, just stretching, but what if your friend passes away. In that case, you would step up and support them right. But your fiancé will never like it. Life will throw such curves. Be prepared to discuss with her 3. Along the lines also sensitise your friend and their family that you will eventually be able to help them in limited capacity. I mean you cannot be rude to their face but subtly bring up topics like my wife nowadays keeps lot of hisab and is very particular about expenses and savings etc. Give them a hint. 4. Lastly, pls don’t ruin one relationship to savour another PS: Best wishes and i appreciate what you have achieved both personally and professionally:)
Hatsoff to you brother for taking the moral responsibility, which is rare in todays world. Your friend must be one of the luckiest to get one like you. Inform your fiancé that: If your friends sister secures PG seat in A category then you will not support and if she gets in other category you will support. And also safeguard your own interests for marriage.
You're a great man. You're clearing all the dirty things your dad. God is proud of you. But there's also a strong point in your fiancee as well. Forget about her, any other woman would say the same if they were in her position. Helping and taking care of a family has a certain limit and it's a very humanity thing that you're going overboard to this limit. But your future comes first, no? I understand your friends family settling down is important but also is ur bright future. There's always balance to everything. Reach a middle ground and balance both? You can pay the sisters fee and the brother can take up a second job like maybe any delivery jobs or something to support his family? How about the interest working on the mother's name? I'm sure it'll cover basic needs for their house. You don't have to sacrifice an important phase in ur life to take care of your friends family.
In my opinion, I think you paid the debt of your father. Your friends sister is already doing MBBS and you paid for that. In this world not everyone does this to their blood relatives what you have done for them. After mbbs, your friends sister can earn sufficient for her pg and your friend will have his share of struggle and that will not last long. And your fiance has all the rights to think about future and about your child. Anybody will think about their children's future and you should consider her opinion. She will be your life partner and will be there in your good and bad times, so please consider her opinion. She is not doing any bad.
Please leave that girl as she loves her ambition over you and her family. She will go to any extent to destroy what you have built beautifully after your father's death. Break it now before it's too late. Wait for a partner who accepts you as you are and loves you for your humanity more than the money you have or get.
Kudos for calling out your father! It takes immense strength. Continue supporting ur friend and his family coz your friend's father has had a major role in building your fortune. You will get many marriage proposals, if she insists alot, then dump her and move on. Someone who's worried about your wealth even before marriage is a major red flag, especially after knowing the truth.
Ask the friend's sister about her opinion. If she is willing you marry her. If she is not ok, then it's fine. Anyhow dump your present so-called fiance and find a homely girl to be your wife. Find a girl who admires your good heart.
You are doing the right thing morally and ethically. Keep doing it. If your fiancee insists, transfer all the money from your father's business sale to your friend's family and settle them well before you get married. Getting PG seat after mbbs will take time too. U need to get on with your life. So make them secure soon by making some safe investments in their name.Kudos to you again, very difficult to come across such genuine person these days.
The year when your father cheated his friend? How much was the amount? What was interest rate for personal loan or business loan or shark loan in that year? How much you have returned in some form or other till date? I think you should calculate all these amounts. Consider it as loan/debt and return WITH interest for all those years. The time gone, people gone, years of poverty and misery - all this can't be undone. But it was not your doing and you were child then. What you have done till date is very admirable and commendable!! Just don't overdo it.
You need to correct what your father did wrong because the parents Karmas get to the kids . You’d have to repay in someway or the other , if you don’t correct what your father wronged . Your Fiancee’ isn’t in the position right now , to to either question you or either tell you what you or your family should do . You need to keep a firm ground and ask her to stop interfering, she’s not the wife right now .!
u r doing ur best part already...in ur case both ur marriage is also imp like ur family and ur frnd family...so support them till she finishes studies and slowly relinquish from doing things however u can still be part of them and do it when it comes to marriage and getting them settled
Not just your fiancee, tomorrow any girl marrying you will question the same. Your future wife will seek financial security in you. You have to slowly cut off financial ties with the friend's family, if you want a happy married life. You have helped them a lot. From here on they have to take iy forward.
You are doing right.. a person with a good heart. Your calculations were right.. support them till they get a stable life and stand on their own legs, they too are not misusing you and struggling too.. continue with your good heart.. you are not doing charity here, it's your Dharma.. All the best.. ignore your fiance's request..
You should marry your friend's sister... Your problem will bhi solve..
It's you and your money—you decide. It's too early even for your fiance to interfere in your decision making. Just tell her that you will decide after she completes her bachelor's whether to extend or not. Just be clear upfront that she will not interfere with your decision, then.
Why to leave that girl bro....she is showing u exactly what is going to be happen in coming years...this is a reality...she is absolutely right...u supported ur father's friend family n all..u did wat u wanted...she is showing u real face...just think...if u have a child n mom n sister n wife....they also need ur financial support...how wud u support both families???she is not wrong...u r not handling this situation....u r emotional...think practically
First of all, you are doing enough. You have provided a job opportunity to your friend giving financial security for now and for his future, you have taken care of his mother and her future, also you're taking care of his sister's education, career etc. You need to draw a line. Fiancee or no fiancee, you need to STOP now. The money your father "cheated" and the sale of the property... I'm sure there must be a huge difference in both. Which you have already taken care of by giving joint custody. Sit for a moment, think of it as a third person... Let's say, one of your friend or maybe your cousin, son... someone is in your exact situation.. would you ask them to continue supporting his family or to stop and live his own life? You'll get your answer
Bro just support the family until your friend’s sister complete her mbbs let her do some job. A mbbs graduate can get a job that pays 90k to 1 lakh 5k a month. Which is enough for her family. You are also going to start a family right, your wife should get her husband’s support. Otherwise why should she take on additional responsibilities just because she got married to you. You might not have a dream but she has. You also supported her idea thats how you got connected right. I just don’t like the guys like God Ram, they just need a pathetic excuse to discard your primary responsibility.
Stick to your plan bro, finish what you have started. Love for you
She wants support from you for a startup, don't you think that's unethical? She is a gold digger and you might be into her because you are feeling lonely. My advice is take a break and go on a holiday with your friends and don't think about her. Forget about the love. Now imagine will you allow your younger brother (if any) to such a girl who will ask you to dictate what you will do with your money? Just think. Bro you still have the time. Forget the reason to be separated. Think about the peace of mind. A real girl will support you in your decision and will advise you to grow.
You are doing the right thing by supporting them as they lack years of suffering because of that. But what your fiancé is saying is showing her character she’s a selfish person who can’t be trusted
Keep supporting the poor girl , till her PG is complete. Leave your fiancee and search for a better girl who is understanding and compassionate.
not marrying the right person...learn to identify red flags in life !
Leave that fiancee.
A big Red Flag .Find another good match.if she's telling u what to do now she will make u dance on her finger tips
You are a great person ❤️ and you need a great partner for life. She couldn't understand when you explained her the circumstances you went through.
If your fiance is doing a good job why can't she support her start up ?
She's your fiance and like this? If she's your wife, she will have no problem taking what's yours
If any day you have to make a choice then please continue taking care of the girl(friend's sister). What you can do is that explain to her that if she does well in PG entrance exam then she can take government college and earn decent stipend from the beginning of PG(around 1 lakh in good states and central government). If she makes this much amount and her brother also working then gradually you can reduce the financial support.
I can see so many women supporting the fiancee in a way or other. How Hippocratic this is. We all know that woman is completely wrong. Why would she dictate what he does with his father's money. Is he drinking with that money or enjoying it. She can advise for the growth not for the control. And I bet instead of that guy if he would have been the brother of any of these women then they would have supported him and say who is she to question?
Leave ur fiance bro
Fiancee in it for the money, dump her
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