Hi 34M (Madurai) working at GGC and earning ₹4 lakh per month. I come from a middle-class family and we struggled financially before I started working. During my childhood, my parents worked very hard to raise both my brother and me. My brother completed a diploma, while I studied engineering. My brother was always supportive until my marriage. Today, I am earning well, but my brother is not employed and is doing farming. He is struggling financially and I have always helped him whenever he needed money. We are both married and have children. Since I work abroad, my wife has had to raise our child (now 3 years old) almost entirely on her own. From the time of delivery, she has managed the household, taken care of our child and handled everything by herself. However, my brother and his wife have never really helped take care of our child. In fact, my brother has often said that if any problems arise, I should handle them myself. Not only in childcare, but in many other ways, they have shown very little care or concern for my family. He always puts his family first and wanted peaceful life. After the delivery, we bring her to our home instead of her mother home (due to some reason). On that time, within a week, my mother used to wash my wife clothes, but my brother told me that, why our mother doing this and ask your wife to do all the work related to her stuff. He never realizes what they have done was wrong and i also didn't make this a scene because if I started to discuss about this, this will become big issue. Then we can’t be same as before and we have to be separated. So I keep silent. My wife often tells me that they have never supported us, so she doesn't understand why I continue to help them willingly. For example, there was a time when my child wanted to sleep in my brother's room with their family, but my brother refused and chose to sleep only with his own children. Incidents like these have deeply hurt my wife. Now, my brother has asked me to help him find a job. Using my influence, I can get him a job immediately with a salary of around ₹1–1.5 lakh per month. However, my wife is against it. She says, "Why should you help them when they have never helped us or cared about our family?" My wife is a genuinely kind person in every other way, but on this issue, she strongly believes that people who never stood by us should not expect our help. On the other hand, I feel that if I have the ability to help someone—especially my own brother—why shouldn't I? I don't want to see him struggle if I can make a difference. I have doubt that If i arrange him the job and he did not perform well it will be not good for me Aswell. This situation has been bothering me a lot, and this is really hard to deal with it. Need your suggestions.
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I can feel your wife, what your brother has done is not right. At the same time, help your brother to get a job, so that he is settled financially. When you do good things god will return that you in some other way.
Trust your wife. But do not help beyond the job
Helping is a good thing. But, do help to someone who have the gratitude. Your brother have zero gratitude towards you. No point in helping him! You can help the needy but not the selfish ones. Your wife is right here!
Confront your brother. Help him in finding the job only if he apologises to you and your wife.
Put your family first. Draw a boundary. Your brother treats you like an ATM machine. They don't value you, or your wife, or your kid. If you want ,help him getting a job. That's it. If they need money (unless it's an emergency) remind him ....his family his headache.
Bhai tera bhai is baar kaam maang raha hai paisa nahi ye acchi baat h Job dilwani h agar capable hai to kar de..kahi dharamsthal pe daan de kar apne man ko satisfy karne se badiya h apne ghar aur gharwalo ki help kar... Bhai to bhai hi hai ye sach kaise badal payega jaisa bhi h wo apna hi hai...aur yar kya zindagi hoti hi hai kuch hi saal ki toh to kyu ye regret lena baad me ki mai kar skta tha lekin nahi kiya...ye feeling tujhe zindagi bhar kaategi...isliye kewal job dilane me hi sahi help kar de
You can help him once and for all if you really want to but let it be the last one... Also only help him if it doesnot affect your future... Don't bet your whole future on anyone as everyone changes with time...
Simple. If you are able to help your brother to get a job .. Go ahead and help. Forget silly and small hurts.
Everyone takes care of their family first and No one helps anyone with children . Our children are our responsibility and why was your mother washing your wive’s clothes , why couldn’t you hire house help for her ? This is the basic necessity and no one goes to their mother house after delivery . These are the unsaid rules , first comes our own family and then the other relatives . I’m glad your brother knows this . He’s not asking for financial support from you or any kind of physical work to be done by your wife for his wife . You can give his recommendation for a job and if he’s good with his work , he’ll sustain the job .
You can divorce a wife and get a new wife.. You won't get another brother even if you want. That's why Blood Relation is important than any relation. Talk to him openly if he is younger.. Stay quiet if he is older.. Help him first and tell him that you can't help him anymore after that.
Your wife is right. Help with the job only if you think your brother will work hard and respect the job. If he doesn't do well or leaves the job then it will reflect badly on you. So think from that angle before helping him with job.
Help him and apprise your wife of the peace she will earn
Have some self respect, don't. You can see your brother never values you and is selfish and ungrateful in spite of all your help. He never helped you and your family when you were in need and even behaved rudely. By over helping, it becomes a habit of someone to take it for granted and they eventually become lazy.
Need to draw boundaries. Rather than taking emotional decisions take rational decisions. To some extent your wife is right. After a certain age it's always give and take without disrespecting anyone. Mutual respect, trust and care is very imp. Your brother has lost that towards your family.
Help your brother to get a job and post that stop helping them any further. Even ask your brother to take equal responsibility of parents . Sometimes when people keep helping,that becomes a habit to people and they stop respecting.
He will be on his own with one job, which will eventually help him to run his family without bothering urs. Help him to find his job and u keep a distance.
If you can help him, help. And let him deal.with everything on his own. Rest live your life peacefully with your wife and child
The talk between you and your brother should have happened much earlier before this kind of situation came up where you are able to get him a job. Because if you talk now, he will say yes to anything and agree to whatever point you raise, just not to create any conflict and get the job through you. And you talking to him now raises the concern that you are making a kind of a deal with him to settle previous issues which does not mean well fit well in terms of doing things right. If your brother is a genuine person, honest and holds family values greatly then he will understand what he did was wrong but it seems very unlikely from his previous actions. So, the only option is getting him the job and then cut all ties if he repeats the same mistake again. But you need to get him a job that doesn't put you into any trouble. Else listen to your wife and let him learn his lesson the hardest way. Don't put yourself into his concerns. You are not responsible for his career or life.
Listen to ur wife because till end she will be with u not ur bro
Pls advice urs brother and forgive. After they realize mistake and belive the relation ship. After join job attitude will not change dont speak. Before Recommend and also inform urs wife we will give one chance to change. We will not behave like as my brother. If we do no difference with us
I think you should help your brother one last time and make this clear to him as well because as per your words he doesn't value you as you do.
One thing, you have heaped so many accusations against your brother...that shows you are not inclined. Second, he is not asking for a financial help which will be a burden on you..only asking for a placement using your good offices. Third..you have a feeling that your wife is establishing a grudge against him for not helping her in the past .... If you are satisfied he will not bring disrepute to you at workplace, you should help him..he will be grateful to you.
What ever it is if you get job for him, he Maynor disturb you financially. Think if he ca.n do better in job ,you can help. No wrong. Five fingers are not same. Saatra says brother is next to father. So God will give you better than what you are now. Marappom ,Mannippom. Explain to yur wife kindly
Help him find a job but don't help him financially.. Ur wife is partially right, but u get a job u don't have to deal his nonsense on a daily basis
With your wife here. Dpn't let someone use you no matter even if they ar ein your blood relation
Please go ahead and help. Inform your wife that he helped you in the childhood and you are not helping outside and you are earning good.
be a man help ur brother
You should definitely help ur brother. Sorry to say ur wife is a Kunta😂
பெண்டாட்டி சொன்னா கேட்டுக்குங்க
The issue is not between your wife and brother it's between you and your brother you guys need to talk it out
Blood is thicker than water , always remember that .
So your brother is your family and the family you created isn't? If he keeps his wife and children first what is stopping you from doing it? Why are men so spineless all the time?
Help ur brother his stability ll give you nd ur parents peace and eternal prosperity
In some extreme conditions,only brother will help you,told your wife my job is gone and stay at home for two months then check the behaviour of your wife.blood relation never fades
You can help him getting job last time and then stop helping them.
He may not have as much broader sense that you have as he lives in that place never travelled much.so he still thinks everyone has to look after themshelves.If you get him a job,after he comes there and learn about the world ,he will definitely regret and you get him as you want,Trust this …
Your wife is right
Help your brother with the job but don't support financially anymore. As you said you can get the job for your brother , he should live within the money he earns & should not expect any more financial help going fwd as you have your own family to take care of. He has been very selfish with his conduct but still has the audacity to ask for financial help. You should draw boundaries here. He has clearly been taking advantage. So just get him a job & say no to anymore financial assistance.
Improve ur karma plz by helping ur bro n doing good deeds
You will end up getting hurt, whether u help him or not. You should have confronted your brother very long back. Now for job you have to help him, but this should be the last time. Suppose your brother gets the job and started earning well, try to distance from him. From his behavior i am doubting he is jealous of you may be influence of his wife. But keep distance from his family. In future he will do everything to compete with you, like comparing his children with yours...
Help him with good small business or something..
You should help your brother period. And keep your children to yourself.
Your wife is right. If you are so interested to help, help someone who is deserving and values you.
It's not asy to be honest dealing with some person who don't value u. U should evaluate what best thing forward as I. Giving free money not going to mend way but if he gets job will he change or rather be responsible. It's no absolute answer to it .u should see feel what ur heart says too. Such peoole are tough to negotiate I agree
Can you help your struggling brother (Me) to refer at GCC please?
Simply find the job for your brother...nothing else....only job... nothing else means nothing... otherwise you will be digging your own coffin .
What kind of husband are you ?seriously. Your wife went through pregnancy, child birth and everything and you couldn't even take a stand for her just because confronting your brother might create a scene. Just imagine if your wife's family treated you badly and she stayed silent because she didn't want to create a scene would you honestly be ok with that? And about helping your brother get a job that's your choice, of course you can help him if you want but being your brother doesn't mean you have to stay silent when he is wrong. You should have enough spine to tell your brother when he is treating your wife unfairly.
Refer him for the job once but also explain to the recruiter that if he is found unfit then you will have no issue if he is terminated. Also don't get involved much beyond this job help. Manage your finances and save for your wife and children. I'm sure once your brother finds a job he will become even more mean to your wife and children.
Help me get 1.5 per month job ?
Help your brother man
"Using my influence, I can get him a job immediately with a salary of around ₹1–1.5 lakh per month." Your brother should get job & salary ONLY as per his skill set & years of experience. Use your influence ONLY for that. NOT for getting him high paying job easily when he hasn't proved his capability to do it. Then you won't have to worry about this "I have doubt that If i arrange him the job and he did not perform well it will be not good for me aswell."
Madad uski karo jisne tumari kari ho.. Jab basic chizon pe bhi usne yeh kiya hai toh tum kyu kar rahe ho??? Jo banda apne bachhe aur biwi ki disrespect jhel sakta hai usse kya hi expectation biwi rakhegi.. Feeling sad for ur wife.. Pls uss devi ko divorce de dijiye aur aap apne bhai ko paal lo... Woh apni family basa ke baitha hai but tumko khud ka khandan ujaadna hai.. Yeh chizein yahan stop nahi hongi.. Yeh aur worst hoti jaegi.. Jab tum 50-60 ke ho jaoge tumari iss hi harkat ke wjh se jab tum piche mud ke dekhoge tab tum realize karoge tumne apni family ke sath anyaay kara hai woh bhi uss bande ke liye jo tumara kabhi sagga hua hi nai Aur uski family life mast chal rahi hogi.. But shyd tumari nahi.. Personally sab jhel chuki hoon isiliye keh rahi hu.. Madad uski karna jo tumare biwi bachhon ki respect kare.. Jo selfish banda hai uski help karte rahoge toh budhape me bhai toh kabhi tumara hoga nahi tumari family bhi tumhe chor degi.. Aur wo selfish insaan tumari har ek cheez le chuka hoga aur end me tumko hi attitude dikhaega
If you work abroad, why are you not keeping your wife and kid with you ? Take your wife and kids out of that hell hole and help your brother get a job.
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