Comments for Post #C27829

Why are you looking for excuses lol? Just tell them the real reason, how they treated her during those days and how it impacted her. Explain them calmly, maybe they will realize what they did, else may take it to ego and won't come themselves 💀 In both cases, you win

You are not worried about your parents visiting or not visiting You're worried that your wife would talk back and defend herself if your dad tells something out of line. So only you're trying to avoid your parents arrival. You first change your mindset and then your parents automatically will change theirs

No is a complete sentence. Just tell them that. Normalise prioritising you partner over your parents. You don’t have to be polite when they aren’t. It’s your fault for not setting boundaries the first time around, don’t let it happen again.

You should at least stand for her now and tell them the real reason. Don’t beat around the bush. They will never understand their mistake otherwise. And hence ask time for things to cool down and then plan for visit. It’s not great to come here now can be your conversation with them. If you can’t say now, one day or the other when your wife meets your dad, things will get nasty.

So while she was cooking, what exactly were you doing? Supervising? And cook only one item if you can’t? That’s your brilliant solution? Also, what stopped you from standing up for your wife right then? Instead you let her carry that burden for this long. I genuinely feel sorry for her.

Until and unless a man sets clear boundaries for her woman Any woman wud react like this if she is facing continuously these type of complaints and taunts..This is basically the duty of a husband to set clear boundaries..to make his woman in his home feel safe and loved..One can visit their son anytime but not pass on comments like these regarding his wife and cross the boundary. Every relationship needs boundaries.. After marriage priority changes and this both the parents whether the woman or the man shud understand..First priority shud be the spouse..That doesn't mean you neglect the parents but it's important to prioritize ur spouse..don't say no to ur parents ...Just speak openly infront of her..Let them knw the problems ur wife is facing and why she is reacting like this..Both are important to you...To leave one for the sake of other can never be a solution

You don't have to be polite. Were your or her parents polite while complaining about silly things?

Gather your courage and tell them. There’s no other way. If you will not do it now, you’ll eventually loose respect from your wife. A woman wants a strong partner. The one who can stand with her, protect her in the time of need. If you can’t be that partner then honestly she won’t be able to make a ‘happy home’ for you for a long time. So this much you will have to do for your happiness as well. While conveying it to your parents, stay respectful but speak in short, without going into details of the things. Otherwise you might end up into an argument or maybe drama can happen. Because parents aren’t going to take it positively. Therefore short and crisp conversation only will work. Or if you really can’t gather the courage right now then use little manipulation. Like, Tell them that they can wait for a while because kids are small and dil won’t be able to give them time and look after them the way she wants to. Delay it as much as possible. Who knows, They might get the hint. All the best! You will be able to do it.

Let them come but clear this won't be tolerated. So they are clear for future alsom There is no harm in taking ur wife side.

Both parents were right. Both of your angels need their mother 24x7 till they reach say 7 or 8 years for their healthy life. Ideally your wife could have taken a break for a year. Unfortunately narrative has gone deep into minds. We can see the effect of this working mother only in later years of your angels life and there will be a man suffering on the other end. Alternatively you take a year break and take care of them if work is important and that becomes her identity

Parents have the right to express their thoughts … for u it looks like a complaint. Just turn the table , if u do the same to her parents will she accept ? Never give up parents !

Talk to them on call... Tell them respectfully where they are wrong and that wife wont be able to do such chores for some time at least kids are dependent on her full time.. They should adjust to the house help while spending time and playing with their grandchildren which is far more important...if they agree then talk to your wife to give them one more chance to change.. Tell her old generation is still living with old mindset but as they have promised to change she should welcome them once more..

She did everything. What were you doing? Eating and sleeping? From the whole post, it seems your whole family isn’t the helping kind

Parents will be like that only...tell your wife that it is common and don't take it seriously and also say that if i ask anything then you feel. You should calm your wife and talk with your parents that she is working hard, so let her be free in way of dressing or anything else except in respect given to both parents. You have to balance them

Sometimes time heals everything.... At present try to avoid the visit.

Just don’t book their tickets. Standup for your wife. She deserves respect too. I have seen that relationship gets destroyed due to parents interfering.

Don't hide things. Better openly politely tell ur parents that she s best in all ways as a wife and mother and also a good daughter in law.. Tell them not to take advantage and create issues out of petty things . So tell them, this is ur Life style and if they can fit in without complaints, they can visit ur family and enjoy time with grand kids 🤷 and if not, ask them to stay away, to keep their son's peace and happiness.. It's always better to be Politely Open. Don't sugar coat or beat around the bush. It will create bigger problems later..

Stay blessed not every couple are like you ! You both are lucky to find each other and keep doing up during these difficult times !! Brother don't worry these are common things post partum that is when partners need to stand for themselves the most and once this phase gets over eventually evrything will fall into place don't worry !! You guys are on right track take care of each other n just tell ur parents ur guys are in bonding phase as a family u both exclusively want to look after ur kid n for now ask ur parents to take rest !!

this is the time you start acting like am adult. you need to if possible go see your parents and calmly without any emotion explain to them what they did was wrong and current time is not a great time to have them at your home since they have hurt the sentiments of your wife and you will surely invite them when the conflict between them gets better. Also say that if they talk to your wife and express their reasoning for their actions and ensure such things wont happen in future, it would speed up letting go of the conflict.

When your parents didn't shy away from complaining, why are you shying away from telling your parents? Tell them because they had so much to complain during their last visit, why do they want to visit again? Just think about what all they might be spreading about your wife to the rest of the relatives. Please keep outsiders like this (your parents) out of your relationship if you want a healthy relationship with your own family (wife and kids).

@ Muthu Kumar pillai Yes bro , she will ,even if it is her own parents ,at this time , because peace of mind is very important for a new mother , any people who dont have ovaries or parenting experience must not comment about this , it clearly evident that you are un married or didn't parent yet

You must say it make sure you do it without sugar coating else this will continue and eventually lead to discord between you and your wife. Be honest and tell them she was chastised mercilessly by her parents because of their lies and their sly ways. And as the head of the family, you prefer to protect your family's happiness than holding on to senseless traditions and fake values. Tell them it's as much her house as it is yours and anyone who disrespects her is doing it to you.

Speak out the truth whether they like it or not. Hope you apogised to your wife rather than *feeling bad* silently.

Tell the truth. Truth can be said even by being polite and not being harsh ..If that truth hurts, let it hurt. You were not hurt when your wife was being treated wrong, then why are you concerned now. Tell them politely like "no need to come, we will manage on our own. Either way if you guys come, with your arthritis there, you are not able to help. So it's of no use. At least she can be in her comfortable dress or else you people will start complaining again. Better be at your place, we will visit when it's easier for us" .They should know what they did was wrong and thereby their presence is being avoided.

I actually don't get the reason. As per in laws, when they visit us, they are not happy, they need to adjust too much. They complaint to our parents..even they don't want to spend time with grand kids but still they want to come again and again. May be ask them the reason behind this?

What stops you from warning your father and FIL that it's your wife's house and they don't have rights to complain and cannot cause trouble

Tell your parents that whatever complaints you had last time are still the same. So if you come you will face the same thing like last time. So better be at peace at your place.

All around what's your role in the family? While wife was doing everything, you weren't helping but saying only one dish u do. When your parents spoke ill about your wife, you didn't say anything, when her parents asked her to stop working, you still weren't opening your mouth!! You failed miserably and asking suggestions for something that you have no guts to do!

#1. Never tell parents not to come to your house.. #BadKarma #2. When your wife is working so hard - not ignoring your parents and cooking for them also - certainly it will hurt and humiliate her when your parents make comments and complaints about her to her parents.. #3. Before your parents come, you make a visit to their home town and explain your views.. Discuss this in advance to your wife. And tell your parents - if they had a daughter and her inlaws bitched about her like they are doing about your wife - how will they feel. But discuss this diplomatically - don't make them hate your wife. Women go through lot of highs and lows after delivery. #Respects to your wife - who took care of the baby, cooking and also started attending work within few months of delivery. Man.. Don't duck; don't be afraid to confront.. Counsel your wife also that - old people find it difficult to change. Your parents are reacting the way their parents behaved.. Tell your wife - when they come and stay again and behave like this - you will politely tell them. Indian Parents are changing - but not changing fast enough.. They day they realise - daughter in law is actually a daughter and treat her like daughter - lot of things will change in Indian Families

Get them on a conference call.. Tell them you your wife your kids and them are a family.. You work along with each other not against each other.. If she couldn't cook, they ought to have come forward to help or hired a cook.. If you, their son was unmarried and had a surgery, wouldn't they do the same.. You should have confronted them then and there. Having said that, better late than never.. Get over with the uncomfortable conversation rather than brushing it under the carpet.. There will be a huge argument but eventually there will be a decision. No point going on increasing your anxiety and apprehension and them building resentment on your wife. Talk through.. At your parents home who does the cooking, if I may ask? They could have helped with cutting chopping and utensils if cooking for a long period of time is strenuous for them. And your wife's parents are wrong to put their daughter under the bus just to have a perfect image in the eyes of your parents. Also if was because they thought there daughter would be mistreated otherwise, it is a failure on your part.. You did nothing for them to develop trust on you.. You are at the fault the most- you want the money trickling in,children looked after, parents happy and wife who wouldn't complain.. You are not scared about ur wife going through the turmoil again, you are scared of ur wife confronting ur parents and that blowing into a huge altercation.. Be an adult, face life,head on-like your wife is doing. Call them up..

Tell your parents and in-laws also to mind their own business and stay away with that mindset

The worst thing parents can do is force their son/daughter chose between them and their spouses. Be with your wife on this. Tactfully tell your parents that you both and your kids need space. Man, you have to stand up for your wife. She needs care, nurturing and peace.

You got a gem 💎 if you behave like an asshole now, just know that spineless assholes don’t deserve 💎

I am amazed at you, your parents and her parents. Ya all don't deserve a wife , daughter and daughter in law like her

If you’re doing good in life , why don’t you hire house help ??? Keep a cook and a house help for the chores . Why does she need to do all the work, if money isn’t a concern? It’s anyway tiresome to take care of a 6 months old is infant

She deserves better then you. If you were so much concerned about ur wife doing chores alone, where were you? Oh yes, you were maintaining the dignity of a man and a son. Why dint you help her? It's so easy to say that yeah, I should have done that done this, but it takes lot of courage to correct your mistake. Many people will accept their mistake but very few will correct it. Your parents were fine to call her parents and complaint and here you are posting on social media for a solution. Confront your wife first, that you support her you feel her. Man will never understand the postpartum phase and will keep on hurting woman and never accepting.

Are u for real🙄🫡🙏

This is what you get for being so nice …

Don’t let them visit. Period

Sangeetha Priya Naina Khan Shakuntala Pathak Jane Crystal My point she can’t ban them completely visiting their home .. yes she has a grudge & feels let down by them, which is justified .. Whatever fights she has with her parents, will she ever ban them completely ?

Tell them plain and straight forward but in a respectable tone That You complained to her parents clearly shows you don’t have respect for her and what all she does … so why you want to go through again which made you complain about her coz i don’t think she will be able to meet your expectations with two little children around. So stay where you are once we are settled with kids and get into a routine ourselves we will come to you with kids.

My heart goes out to your wife!! Poor thing!! It is high time you stand up for her and talk to your parents.

Why is she tolerating your nonsense again?

Thank God... Atleast you siding with your wife... This is the first post ever where the male is appreciating his spouse. Now..... After doing such ímbëcil1ç stuff I don't think your parents deserve the polite treatment... Just say NO! Second thing..... You do have hands? Right!??? Or allergic to cooking 🤔 or to help doing chores🧐

I’m feeling pity for your wife

Tell them on face that the mess they hv created last time is still irreparable n that caused a gap in ur relationship itself now its not a good time for them to visit , ur mom is hvng leg pain not advisable to travel let she sit at her home n take rest plz

Honestly, your parents are wrong. They are entitled baby boomers who treat younger generations like crap. You should have clearly told your mom that se should absolutely help and let your wife rest. Also, most times, women do prefer her mom to help during delivery. Tell them clearly that don’t come, since you both are very upset at them.

No parents deserve son like you. Old people complain, just move on, what is the need to make a fuss. It seems your wife is full of EGO.

Poor thing, that wife ..did everything and still got to hear because her man doesn't have the spine to be her shield. She should go stay at HER home since you were unable to make this home hers and yours. Your parents still rule. Why marry if you don't have a spine?

Employing a few helping hands would have saved so much of what's happening now. Sorry to say this but you are kind of a useless fellow. Not helping her physically and not even applying some brains to find solutions when the trouble was brewing.

Why didn't you learn to do chores when your wife was pregnant? Why didn't you speak up when you saw what your wife was going through? You are just a man child. Grow some balls and speak up. Don't be a cry baby

Grow a Fucking Spine. Taking a Stand for your Partner and The Mother of your kids is your duty!