I need to get this off my chest because the sheer hypocrisy of the modern matrimonial market is starting to drive me insane. For context: I am a 30-year-old South Indian Tamil Brahmin, currently settled abroad and earning the equivalent of ₹50 LPA. I have worked my tail off to build a solid life. I carry zero debt, own assets, have a secure career, and tick every single box on the typical matrimonial wishlist that families demand these days. Then comes a proposal from our neighborhood back home. The woman in question is 28, from our same caste. Three years ago, she took out a massive ₹50-lakh education loan and went to the US for her Master’s. Owing to the market downturn and tech layoffs, she couldn't secure a job and was forced to return to India last year. She has now been sitting at home, completely unemployed, for an entire year. Her family recently approached my mother with an alliance. Their non-negotiable criteria? The groom must be settled abroad, must be able to help her land a job overseas using his status, and—here is the kicker—must help her clear her ₹50-lakh debt. Let that sink in. We live in an era where brides and their families demand a man who has zero liabilities, a stable high-paying job, his own house, and a perfect background. Yet, on the flip side, she brings a 50-lakh financial anchor and a year-long gap in employment to the table, expecting her future husband to step in as an unpaid bail-out package. And God knows what must have been her Body Count, while studying in the US. Where on earth is the equality or logic in our Tamil culture here? We pride ourselves on having moved past archaic practices like dowry, but we’ve somehow replaced it with this subtle, transactional greed. It makes me wonder: Are guys abroad really expected to accept this? Taking on a partner is about building a future together, not immediately inheriting a crippling financial liability alongside a complete gap in employment. Is a foreign job magically going to happen on a dependent visa? If someone couldn't land a role in India for a whole year, expecting a husband's visa status to miraculously fix her career prospects in a hyper-competitive overseas market is pure delusion. Are Tambrahm men abroad really that desperate? Do people assume that just because a guy lives overseas, he will blindly agree to marry anyone and absorb their miscalculated financial risks? People often say women aren't rehabilitation centers for poorly raised men—and I agree 100%. But by that exact same logic, men are not poverty eradication programs or debt-relief funds for entitled individuals. Ambition is great, and taking risks is part of life. But trying to offload the consequences of your failed investments onto a prospective husband under the guise of marriage isn't seeking a partner—it's looking for a financial lifeline. The level of entitlement is just mind-boggling.
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His point was valid until he lost me on “body count”. He lives in US, he forgot to mention his own body count. Like lady is definitely red flag but he is red carpet. Just bcz you don’t have financial liability that doesn’t make you a good person too. I don’t know why nobody is talking about his mindset over body count while he himself lives in US and judging a woman who lived in US too. Lol!!
be happy you escaped.. if they had kept quiet you would hv an albatross around your neck
They're not looking for a groom they're looking for an escape.
At least they were honest about their debt situation bro. Even that is a rarity these days.
Please run. Consider the scenario, the moment you help her close the loan, she says she wants a divorce. During this moment you will feel like a joker.
A fifty lakh loan would be sanctioned with an immovable asset as security....you can demand to get the asset transferred to you if you agree to clear the debt....deal or no deal?
Haiyoo say no..they are seeing you as a HR manager instead of a son in law 😆
Conclusion- Dont marry her that's it end of debate there is no second option there are lot of women in today's world who are dealing in this business
I have one question. What stopped you from saying No ? And if you said No already , what's the point of this rant ?
Try to dodge the bullet man, I know you can do it
Be happy that you can say no .. think about women who marry only to find the in laws are in debt .. son is paying off his money in debt so all household expenses and house loan becomes wife and her parents share and kids expenses on working wife with household duties. This is the truth which maximum family is bearing it.
Red alert: Run away brooo
If one ridiculous proposal affected you this much that you turned it into a men vs women issue, I think your frustration is coming from somewhere else. You could've simply rejected and poked fun at it. She's not your girlfriend, fiance, or future bride. It's just a proposal. And if you're assuming her body count is high just because she studied abroad, then by the same logic, yours must be pretty high too. Maybe it's news to you, but the arranged marriage market has always predominantly been transactional and unfair. I understand your frustration but turning it into men vs women for one ridiculous proposal is a bit much. You won't survive the process if you're like this.
First, ask her parents to sell their house to you. Pay 50 lakh as sale consideration. Further, lease it out to them for a nominal amount. That way, you own the property and can also ensure continuous, perpetual cohabitation. A counter offer does everyone some good.
Just move on bro.. when I was looking for alliance, they said I should be settled for life in US, the girl will not be working and I should have my own house and a car in Chennai.. why will a person settled for life in US and still have a car in Chennai. And all these should happen before 28 or 29.
There are both ridiculous women and men in the society......u came across one of them... ... What is the confession here..... Simply ignore and move on....no need to turn things men vs women everytime...🙄
See if she is agreeable to sign a prenup. Make a contractual arrangement where she has taken a loan from you and ask her parents to mortgage their house to you. Then meet the girl and if she appears sensible etc. then evaluate your options and finally say NO :) Sorry but i know you know :)
Ia it a marriage or a business deal?
What's the point in loading it all here, if not a show off... And mariages are allways been like that for ages, hvnt you heard anything on kings marrying neighbour kings daughters or sisters to keep their territory safe and even help annex other neighbourhoods, even Akbar did that, less said about the Hindu Rajput Rajahs the better...even to this day in arranged marriages, most look at their counterparty asset base before sealing the deal. The Dulha is a pawn in the game. Things change but they never change....just the packaging. So if you aren't finding a less body count girl, then go for it, what choices you have otherwise. Bcoz if you had choices , you won't be discussing it here. Kisi ladki ke ghar/family ka bhala hi ho jayee, marriage ke baad toh jo hoga, woh toh pata hi sabko, sabki life jhand hi rahe, khand na ho, yehi kaafi hei 😑
As Dowry is banned, this can be called alimony frontloaded
Obviously, you can reject this alliance. Most men would reject it too. Unless she's exceptionally beautiful and some desperate man is willing to let go of 50L just to marry her.
Ask your future wife to do a job to clear off the debt. If the husband alone will pay then nothing will be left for both. If she denies job don't marry her. Ask your future wife what all she will earn will be given for debt payment if she agrees, marry her else no never
Simply say no and look for someone. She ll remain single for her demands. And without knowing her properly judging her is not fair
There is really nothing TamBrahm specific or gender-specific about this greed .. potential match in US is seen as a magic solution to all of the family's problems
If you don't like to take on the debt, just reject it. Your life, your decisions. But just don't need to talk like body counts and all. Just because someone is in US, they will have a body count is not a logical argument.
In 50 lakhs u can enjoy a rusian more than 800 times .... Do the maths.......also u can marry a Russian if u have feelings after few times..... just joking
It's a big world. All kind of people do exist. Like the confessor and gold digger etc.
Made up story.
You are free to say no. No one is forcing you to say yes
You can marry or not marry her. What is there to analyse in this? Her mother told everything first hand so that you can make an informed decision. What's the thing with body count? Are you getting that much in US? Last time I checked they absolutely hate Indians.
If you feel this too much, go for another match. No need to rant.
BTW what's ur question here? If u are very clear on not to take the liability which already the gal has, then what you are looking for, when u posted it as a Confession? The gals need to understand that financial independence is of utmost importance before marriage and they only should feel responsible for clearing the debts they have taken for their studies and marriage should not be the bail out option for this, unless both know each other for quite sometime and mutually agree on this...These terms and conditions can't be put in an arranged marriage set up!!!
Say no....in the marriage/ relationship market, there are manipulative and exploitative individuals among both males and females. Blaming an entire gender helps no one...neither the prospective bride nor groom. Proceed with someone who understands that marriage is two way traffic.
You don't want to take on her financial burden, understandable. She is a stranger and you have no reason to do it for her. But Indian arranged marriage system has been surviving on this only (dowry system). You You lost me at when you are already judging her based on her body count. With this mindset, you'll struggle to find a partner
Many, no need to ask suggestions in this forum. Definitely no one is going to ask to select this girl. If you are not ok just ignore the proposal and keep searching. World is big.
Don't proceed, Be happy 🙂 ..
Why is “tambram” “Brahmin” “body count” relevant in this? You got a proposal where the family was absolutely honest you can just reject and move on. But no you have to make a post out of it. You can also get a girl in US but no you want someone of same caste and culture.
Imagine those days when guys asked for all these things from the girl’s family. You are terming her with “body count “ just because she has a liability and you don’t. Good that the girl escaped.
What's there to discuss so much? Its obviously a big 'NO'
Are simple ...say A no and dont get married with so many preconcieve notions ....you wont be able to love her even if you get married hence why to get into such a relation
Nobody is forcing you to marry her
Finally equality has come 😂 women have started charging the men to get married, just like they used to do all these years with dowry 😂💃💃🤑🤑 at least women are doing subtle transactional greed, not the over aggressive transactional greed that men do with dowry, thank your stars 😂
Why are you and your family even considering it? It's irrational, tell them and finish this.
You both are not good for each other before marriage talks u are talking about her character and she is talking about finances end it here good for both
Ye caste mention Krna jaruri tha kya ?
No one is pressurising you to marry on gunpoint. Remember that. You still have free will.
In Hindi tell her: Gaand marao! In English: Fuck off In Odiya: Gei de magya
You can clearly see the picture. They are hyenas. Don't entertain them
That's dowry reversed... 😂😂😂😂
Uummm, don't accept it. Is this alliance being forced on you at gunpoint?
Don't marry her it's simple
Seems she rejected u in the first place .. that’s why so much lament by you
God knows what her body count is! Wow!!! Ok it’s not good to make you responsible for her debt, but you can try getting her a job and ask her to take care of her and her debt! Until the debt is cleared you can decide not to have children! If she’s ok with this , then proceed with the alliance if not just reject but how dare you talk about body counts! What if she had none! What if you had many? Just bcos a girl came to u.s for higher education doesn’t mean she ll end up fucking multiple men! How quick are you to judge! What if women from your family had more body counts still sitting in Tamilnadu in their Agraharam! So you mean women in their native place don’t do such whereas girls who fly abroad are desperate?!? You either accept her or reject her but kept your filthy thoughts within your dickhead and don’t jot down here in a public forum! Ediot
Lucky you. At least you got to know about this huge debt before getting into a marriage alliance with her.
When the bride gets 50 sovereign of gold from her parents , it's not called financial dependence in the groom side, there are lots of grooms who have loans on their name, aren't they getting married and after marriage the loan is being paid . Just because she didn't get a job for the past year , she is worth nothing is it? There are lots of women who quit their jobs just to join their husbands abroad, is it not unfair to expect someone to leave their job with uncertainty that they might get a job in abroad. Women have been supporting men for a long time , and when they need support, they are just bulldozed with men's unjust behavior
Go to Dindugal bro... Very kind girls are there..
Reject her outright and save yourself.
All n everything is trade nowadays!! Some upfront n some in pretexts..Think when parents are this loud n demanding how street smart the progeny would be.. Stay single people until the very noble matrimonial era reintroduces itself. Thank lord I m neither a prey nor a predator.. Thank lord that u r aware n awake too🫡🫡😁😁
She should not only forget marriage till her loans is paid but also having crazy demand with that loans is mentally unstable
To pay back 50 lacs, you need to earn 200 lacs first.
Kudos to you. To work hard & achieve with God's blessings. Just do what's suitable to you n yur family. I guess the girls hard work & perseverance didn't pay off as expected for her. At least they were honest & yes it's def a business deal. plus she wud be mentally frustrated wid her situation. Maybe a bad phase for them.
You are lucky that they disclosed their intentions beforehand. Just ignore this match and ask your parents to avoid this neighbour. No point draining your brain and mind on this. You will get ample of better matches waiting.
I see many women are triggered by this.
I had to ask gemini to summarise...in short...say no to the alliance!
This is purely a elitist entitlement mindset, casteist & foreign working pride to show off, nothing else. I was ok till reading the point before body count, once that point came in, it changed my mindset on this confessor. Who is he to judge her when he is not going to accept the proposal, how generalised perspective he has on women who travel to foreign nations for study or work reasons. Confessor- Shed your casteist ego, foreign earning pride & have your legs on the ground & be humble. thought that came off - I was imagining why the rant could be (as it is general expectation from girls side nowadays) - may be he is so desperate & may have crossed the age in marriage market & he expects condition free just bcz he works in foreign nation
Stay away from her Man
Firstly , no need to mention caste and other things as they seem irrelevant to the actual issue. Secondly, when you talk about body count , you lost our respect. So do the right thing , tell them you’re not interested , get a life and move on. If you needed validation and pat on the back , take it. You did well on own your own. Happy? Go now . Live ur life.
Run as fast as you can!
Got a point bro. Nobody force's you to marry her. Break the aliance and find someone to your liking.
You have a choice to say no. In fact be glad you know this before marriage and not after.
50k ish dollars is near poverty line abroad and that reeks of your desperation to work abroad ...Good luck with this unbelievable story..though peeps are telling you have escaped,she escaped and is the winner Assuming about her body count ...Good luck ever getting married ambi
Say NO and move on. If her mother is making decisions on her behalf before marriage then just think what would happen after marriage
Tamil brahmin male 😆
Just run away from this one man. Bhago!!!
R u marriage paglu 😊
For years women have married men with debt. Given dowry. And been a home maker throughout their life without a life of their own. You saw one such woman with a career break of one year…. U r talking about her body count? If she is not ur choice just say NO to the proposal. Those days women had no social media to rant like this. Nowadays marriage is totally based on money😅😅 We had no such agreements before marriage and yet my husband has spent crores for me out of love. 😇
let her be independent
Say no ?
Life is cycle. 10 decades before men family demanded more dowry from woman family in tamil Brahmin. Now girl is more demand so they are asking if you don't like, leave and go. Why are you posting this in social media
Run as far as possible from this alliance
Thats not a marriage proposal. Its a loan application.
Even those desperate for marriage will not accept this proposal 😀 If you accept this, you will either become a fool or 🤡
Escape from her 50L is not a joke and she will never work even if you help her .
Marry her and sell her onboard
Don't marry her. But why are you whining on Net. You see if other girls see your rant they will wonder at whether you are marriage material. We call it thalai garvam. You are rightly proud of your achievements and right not to pay her debt. But are you right to mock her for not getting job ? Its a tough job market out there. Are you right to speculate and spoil her character with words like Body Count! Decency is important too. Someone who speaks like this about a lady is not worth marrying. By the way it is creditable the family said she has a debt. That was very honest.
Is putting up your caste important here ? Are you a caste freak ?
This is reverse dowry After paying dowry u should be prepared for alimony and case to be filed in india against your parents To cough up more money
dont marry her bro
This is not only in your state. It is everywhere. I am from haryana, I do face the same thing. In today's era, no one should arrange marriage.
Tell her u lost your job, she herself will move on as per modern bhikari feminist empowerment trend !
To the brother facing this proposal: **Run away immediately and do not look back.** In an age that champions feminism, equity, and female empowerment, true equality means women must take full accountability for their own choices, education loans, and financial debts. It is the height of hypocrisy to demand a high-earning, debt-free husband overseas only to use him as a ₹50-lakh bail-out fund for a failed investment and an unemployment gap. Men are not poverty eradication programs or financial rehabilitation funds. Situations like this are precisely why men should stay single: modern marriage increasingly expects men to shoulder immense financial liabilities while risking their peace, assets, and future. Protect your hard-earned net worth, maintain your freedom, and focus on building your own body, mind, and legacy instead of inheriting someone else's debts.
Respect her views..she told you before marriage. Else she may run away after 10 days of marriage and file case for dowry and divorce.
So, you are being asked to pay full price of a brand new car, for a car that has been out of the showroom for a while. On top of that, it comes with someone else's loan that you are expected to pay. Do you even need a suggestion here ?
The same way tambram guys of od 20 yrs back comes with a condition that they r getting married to serve his parents or not hers and sacrifice their careers tk take care of his family n yet get no value
If you still went ahead with accepting the marriage proposal, the joke is upon you!
Say a big no. Wat stops u
Shabbba… yabbba… talk to ur mum and grandma on how things wer in their times?? No one speaks on that? Ippo reveet valikdha? Valikanu! Not supporting unrealistic expectations, irrespective of gender but stop this dwelling on victim card and stereotyping. Btw, namma epdiyo apdi dha mathavangala yosipom…. So unga count neenga solreengala illa maaami kitta detective vekka sollalama? Unakellam yaru 50lakh pa kudukra🙄 MOST IMPORTANTLY… u urself weigh ur worth based on materialistic possession(thats hw u self certify noe).. u never boasted abt ur values, personality n character. y r u offended when neighbours and the society values u so?????? U have marketted urself with ur materialistic worth naa.. approach um apdi dha irukum… land on the ground and a dfrnt reality will meet u!!!!!
Demands of girls'parents nowadays seem like they have no shame at all, it's only money and standard of living they're blindly chasing after.
Fake story!
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