F30 Married my love 5 years before against our family wish because both of us are from different religion and now have a 4 yr old daughter.My husband died in an accident when our daughter was an year old.None of our family looked back us even from our marriage.Since I lost my husband I have been raising my daughter alone as a single mom.I didn't had a second marriage because, I feared in beleiving whether that person accepts and take care of my daughter like his daughter. But it's difficult to raise my child as a single mom and also my daughter not having father's love and care.So i decided to have a second marriage.I have been trying to find a good person who will took care of my daughter well and been a good father to her.I have been searching hardly a year. 6 months before a guy joined my office.He is 29 and he got divorced within few months of his marriage after he find his wife is still in affair with her ex boyfriend.He also resides near my area.So we travel together for office.I usually takes my daughter to my office in weekend, he told he likes children, so my daughter and he got a bond together.He also cooks well, during weekends he will cook and bring food for my daughter and me. Somehow my daughter and me started to like him.He also has a big family of 12-15 members.Being abandoned by my husband's and my family I also wanted to have family bond which my daughter don't want miss.He was perfect, so I thought if he accepts will marry him but I was hesitant to ask him, there is lot of things going in my mind whether he will accept, he is younger than me, whether their family accepts.Somehow i decided to ask him. Meanwhile he told his parents are coming to meet him.I thought of asking to his parents itself.I also met them, they also told are looking for an alliance for him. But while speaking with them they also told most of the alliances that comes are already married and divorced knowing that he already had a divorce.But their parents don't want such an alliance.They also told if he had atleast an year marriage life or child like me with earlier life then we can consider that alliances but for him how we can find such already married and divorced alliances.They don't need such alliances. After hearing that I didn't have courage to ask them and I left.Last 2 days this has been in my mind.Whether i should have asked them?.But his parents clearly told they don't want person like me with a daughter.Whether i should I ask him alone, even if accepts his parents won't and they can abandon him like my husband's family? and I don't want to happen again or i should move from him and look for a another person?.Even if I move from him I can find a person my daughter too likes?
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Being alone is better than being married. Please don’t fall into this trap
They indirectly gave you a hint they don’t want you for their son, please take the clue. Move on!
Why do you need to ask "them"?? Just ask "him". His parents are treating marriage as a transaction, it's evident from their terms and conditions that they lower the bar only when their own child reaches to that level. Maybe that's why the first one didn't work 💀 Anyways ask him but also do not rush for getting married only for the sake of it, that taking the care of the child is getting difficult for u.
I understand why you want a father for your daughter, but it's equally important that the man is genuinely interested in you. If he felt that way, I think he would've asked you something about it or at least given you a hint. He might just be friendly because he loves kids. If you want to give it a try, ask him directly. There's no harm in that. Just remember, you're not only looking for a father or extended family for your daughter, but also for a husband who loves you and wants to be with you.
They clearly told you means they know your intention. It's not hard to read the room. They will never agree. Even if you end up marrying him, there will always be problems. Forget him and move on.
Trust me, marry a vagabond but not someone with 10+ family members living together. If you haven't seen hell, well, try that.
Don't ask him directly, make a indirect conversation through your mutual friends who knows you very well and welleosher of you and ask him final for Conclusion to go, or not
Talk to him directly. And never hesitate to ask as asking won't create issues but not asking can.
I am only concerned about what the man thinks. It's very difficult to find domeone who can bond with your daughter too. If he has invested so much of time, he has a liking too or more than thst by what you have described. You should ask him once what he thinks about marriage. If his family told you, he also know their preferences. If he hesitates to share ir play with words like parents are thinking ir he us not on the same page with them, then you should immediately come out of the relation or whatever it is. By whst you have shared, it looks like there has to be some mutual understanding and agreement between you two and he may have shared the same with hus parents. Now his answer will tell you his motive. You are a wise woman. You can understand by his expressions. Therd us no room for any doubt. At the same time, you shouldn't carry on things from the past. Life doesn't give second chance to everyone or love doesn't always knock at your door, so ask him once and you will understand on your own. Don't take your decision on the basis his family but him. But if he hasn't given any hints after so much of we time, then obviously he isn't serious. You haven't shared whether he treats you as someone with whom he sees the future or not, whether he said any indicating words or not, if there was any initiation from his oart or not. If not, then you can move on without asking him. He isn't invested.
did u observe the guy,is he also looking at u n Ur daughter as his family or is the bond atleast proceeding in that direction? don't jump into anything just for the sake of doing it. let the bond grow naturally, and regarding his parents abandoning you or him, is he also from a different religion? if yes this fear can linger on for a long time n if he is from the same religion then chances are bright that they will accept you but before jumping on to a final step,have patience and just give this friendship a healthy environment to grow on itself.
Firstly very sorry for what u went through so early in life. This situation is tricky.This guy wud have himself proposed to u but fear about his parents ruling against might have caught upto him for good. Wait for some more time n a more suitable alliance.Alliance amongst equals or similar family arrangement should be ur primary lookout. Very proud of u dear..keep going.
I think you should ask him once but not at all force him give him sometime to think it through
Do u think that man don’t understand that u hv a soft corner for him ? But still he didn’t initiate so I would say no just move on
I think you're in a hurry. Make the bond stronger. Make him ask if you will accept it or not. It will be much better for lifetime
Aake him once and know his thoughts. But make sure he will take responsibility of ur daughter. Never trust men words. I repeat never. They may change anytime any moment.
Sister. take care of your health and ur kid. World is 80% not as clean and good as u think. first understand if he really wants to marry u. most of the time men just look for opportunities especially if someone is single. U draw clear line between u and him. try to check from mutual friend if he is interested. if it's okay with him then his parents also will slowly agree . i respect your DECESSION. all the best and God bless u
No keep your peace with you, you say they are large family…it’s not necessary that everyone should like you and accept your daughter.
Dear nothing will harm to ask the guy first then can decide go to his parents as together for acceptance.. so move forward and ask the guy what in his mind then decide to move further direction.
Oh my! Ask and bring it to a conclusion. Heaven's wl not fall... Be done with it, whether the result is positive or otherwise
Ask him directly and decide
First talk to him, later parents. How parents will act no one knows.
Marriage is between two persons .Especially 2nd marriage - if he love you and ur kid he would have express it to you .. since he didn’t do that .. just be a friend to him
It's not necessary to do second marriage single mom are raising there children in a very good way !! U cn give her that much love dat she dnt feel her dad love !!! There are so many women's are raising there kids very proudly !!! Be strong
12-15 members family ...don't dig ur grave ...
Being single is difficult his family already told they won't gonna accept single mother then it's difficult to change this thing it's better you walk away and find else who's family and everyone is ready to accept you
Stand on ur feet ! Move away !
What a wise lady ! Appreciated .
Before moving away just asked once otherwise u will regret definitely u will get Best person all the best God bless you nd ur child
I think for now you should continue your usual bond with him without worrying about marriage. After sometime ask him about this.
First ask the guy about what he thinks of you guys as a companion. If you guys are on the same page than kudos, otherwise it is good to wait for more before investing emotions.
Did you get father's love and care when you were a child? If yes, why have they abandoned you now? They must have know that your husband died within 2 years of marriage. They must have known that you had a 1 year old daughter then. Why didn't they come to help you? Was hatred for you so HIGH because you married man of your choice? Then what was that 'love and care' during childhood for? --- You are trying to find 'father's love' for your daughter. Hence asking where is YOUR father and his 'love and care'?
You should move from him or find another guy
🤦🏻♂️ Ask him
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