Comments for Post #C27803

My toxic past might have ruined my chance with a decent man

I just wanted to get this off my chest and hear some unbiased opinions. Looking back, I truly wish I had never dated my ex. We were friends during our first year of MBBS, but he started acting very strange, so I distanced myself. Shortly after, his mother and a few of our college friends kept pressuring me to talk to him, which only made me feel more uncomfortable. Fast forward to our third year—things shifted, and we ended up in a relationship. I genuinely wish I had just stayed single. Around the same time, there was another guy in the picture—a distant relative’s son who was my senior in medical college. My grandfather introduced us during my first year, and my only real interaction with him back then was borrowing and returning his upper-limb anatomy textbook. Later, I happened to see a photo of him sitting close to a girl, assumed she was his girlfriend, and completely put him out of my mind. During my third year, while I was dating my batchmate (the ex), I suspect this senior and his father might have seen us together a couple of times. We were quite playful, and I occasionally left campus in his car. Later on, when he was interning and I was doing my medicine postings, we only exchanged brief, polite greetings. Nothing more. By the time I reached my internship, my relationship had ended. It had been deeply toxic, so being single for the following year was a huge relief. Recently, however, I found out that my grandmother had always hoped I would marry this senior. His family is well-regarded, and they live close to our house. Apparently, she had even mentioned this idea to the rest of the family two or three years ago. Just last week, my dad brought up the proposal to me. My immediate, knee-jerk reaction was to say no. After turning it down, curiosity got the better of me, and I started asking around about him. Everyone described him as genuinely kind, decent, and down-to-earth. After everything I had been through with my toxic ex, I realized that someone like him was actually the exact kind of partner I had always wanted. Hoping to test the waters, I sent him a text asking an academic question. He didn't open or respond to it for over twelve hours. Feeling embarrassed, I deleted the message, and since it was a vanishing chat, the thread disappeared after 24 hours. Ever since then, I’ve felt terrible. I can't stop wondering why he didn't reply. To add to my anxiety, my dad mentioned that his parents are extremely conservative and strict. His father is currently looking for a match for his 29-year-old daughter and reportedly wants someone who doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, and doesn’t even watch movies. (I genuinely don’t understand why watching movies is seen as a red flag!) Now, I can't stop worrying that his family—or he himself—judged me based on seeing me with my ex during college. My own parents were very strict and rarely allowed me to go out, and even my ex’s parents knew I barely went anywhere. Yet, I’m terrified that those few visible moments with my ex created a lasting bad impression. What hurts the most is the unfairness of it all. My toxic ex lied, manipulated people, and caused so much pain—yet he managed to charm everyone around him and eventually married into my classmate's family. Meanwhile, I’m left feeling like genuine people end up overthinking and being judged for completely normal things. I can’t get this out of my head. I’ve realized I actually like this guy now, but I’m terrified of rejection—especially if it’s based on misunderstandings or assumptions about my past.