Hi everyone, 29M I'm in a very complicated situation so I really would appreciate some genuine advice. About 5 months ago I got a match on sh**di.com from a very pretty girl (25) belonging to a decent family. She is currently WFH. Her father works in a PSU. Our parents met twice and eventually we met at cafes a few times. We discussed our likes, dislikes, food preferences future plans and also a little about our pasts. I had a gf in school but it was kind of platonic. My now fiance told me she has 2 past relationships, one is school and another in college. Both of them didn't work out and that she has moved on from those relationships. I didn't query further as I didn't want the conversation to become interrogative. But since our vibe matched and we both had started liking each other, we got engaged 2 months ago. This is about what happened last week, when she asked me to meet urgently. When we met she hugged me and started crying. After I consoled her and asked what had happened, she went quiet for a moment. Then she said something which has taken away my peace. She said that she had been physically intimate with her 1st BF in 12th standard. They had made a video of the act which later got leaked after that guy's phone was stolen. Her father used his contacts to remove it from p**n sites, and the guy was briefly jailed but later released as he hadn't done it purposefully. After that her family moved cities and that relationship never got a closure. Now when that guy came to know that she was getting married, he had threatened to tell me all the truth. Although I was in shock, I consoled her and dropped her home assuring her that everything will be alright. But deep down I regret not interrogating further during our initial conversations. I literally feel broken. I haven't slept properly in a week, hardly able to swallow food and unable to concentrate on work. She has been continuously crying and begging me not to break the engagement and not to inform my parents. I too have strong feelings for her as I think she has a good soul, but this feels like a betrayal. Also it a fact that once something hits the internet, it stays. I need serious advice on this. Should I forgive and forget, while praying none of my frnds, colleagues or cousins come across that video? Or should I call off the engagement. But how do I do that without revealing. Please Help!
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She didn't cheat on you or hide this to trap you. She was a teenager who made a mistake, and then became the victim of a serious violation of her privacy. The fact that she told you herself before marriage, despite knowing she could lose you, says a lot about her honesty. Don't let a criminal act committed against her define her entire character. Judge her by the woman she is today, not by the worst thing that happened to her years ago. If she's a good person and you truly love her, don't let fear of "what if someone sees the video" destroy what could be a good marriage.
No seal no deal
Dude you are not gonna forget and forgive..if you can you wouldn't be asking here..in the future you may use it in a argument or fight which will eventually ruin both of your life.. better call of the engagement now itself for the sake of both and peace of mind.
If you are a virgin, don't marry her ... If you too have multiple or a single relationship especially if you are physically intimated with your past Gf's , then marry her ... Just feel like it's your karma returns ...
Its better to call off, you just know one side of story. Later on many other secrets will come and you might not able to digest it. And girls are expert in saying things by favouring in their pov. So i would suggest to find better one. But hope for the best
It’s better call off bro… call off pain would be just temporary maybe it wil save ur future timeline , instead of accepting now and draining your energy on it ..
Mental peace is the first priority and you know the rest better.
>> Now when that guy came to know that she was getting married, he had threatened to tell me all the truth. >> Doesn't look like that guy was blameless. You will have to find out what exactly was the case. Whats current situation. And then decide can you really go ahead with the marriage or not.
How that guy came to know you're getting married? Still she is in contact ?
If you accept her, accept her with her past. But if you compromise now, that doubt will haunt you forever. And it will show up in your married life. You’re only engaged. Take your time before marriage. Use this time to get clarity for your own peace of mind. Spend more time with her. It’s not easy for anyone to open up and share their darkest secrets in just a few meetings. If you finally decide to marry her, then leave all doubts behind and do it with your whole heart.
Just think ... she would have accepted you with such grey/dark grey past? My only suggestion is - if you accept her, accept her boldly and be ready to manage whatever comes. If you feel that at any point you would feel the regret, politely close the chapter here only.
Bhag Jaa bhai .bewkoof mat ban ..u ll find 100s of girls .. .Been to almost similar situation ,ignored red flags and now I m divorced ..my son has been taken Despite good education background ( IIT , IISc , ex IES ) and good job ..I couldn't do mchh and left with trauma for life time. Thats the price of psuedo feminism ,nice men has to pay . She told u because her ex was about to tell u ..otherwise she would never had told u ..
Look brother, you should call this off because **true honesty was forced, not chosen**, and the **ongoing risk will ruin your peace**. She didn't confess out of respect or transparency when you two were getting to know each other; she only came clean because her ex held a gun to her head, stripping you of the right to make an informed decision before getting engaged. On top of that, living under the constant threat of blackmail and the anxiety of that video resurfacing will drain you emotionally, breed deep resentment, and ultimately destroy the marriage anyway.
Don't chase virginity..
I don’t think there is any need to call off. Although this may be shocking, she is not hiding anything from you and being honest. Also, it wasn’t her mistake so this doesn’t count as betrayal. Everyone has a past. So I would say just move on.
Bro something is wrong ❌❌ , but due to this don't stop the marriage but do some investigation with her school frnds
U living in today's era, everyone has a past so accept it only if you can promise that you will not bring this up against her in the worst of the circumstances in future. She has the guts to tell u before marriage. She seems like a good soul. Sure u have hidden skeletons too. One needs balls to do what she did. Marry her if you can completely forgive and forget.
You may cancel this, but what is the guarantee that the next girl you meet will not have a past or will not hide it from you until it becomes inevitable to disclose? When a man has multiple girl friends in the past, no one advices the woman to break up because he is not a virgin. There are also men in this country that have married divorced women. Mostly, girls hide these matters with the fear of being judged and abandoned, which only exclusively applies to them and their character. Empathy or judgement are two conscious decisions that people make. No one can tell someone what they should be doing, if I were in such a situation, I would judge a person based on their present behavior, not past. No one's perfect. As for the relatives and friends discovering secrets, well, if they care, they will support. If they don't, they will judge any or all choices, anyways.
Brother move forward with marry the girl.. she is good for Ur life. Do t bother ABT the past .
The think you will not able to accept that even after the time and tide. It’s okay you can’t accept no need to forcefully to accept it.
Only one advice. Run when you have that option. Later option would be fridge or suitcase 😂
Talk to her and thinks wise, everyone make mistakes.
If it was by mistake in the 12th, why is that guy still following her even after nearly a decade? Most probably this is also a lie
Marry her only if you are man enough! People make mistakes, falter, learn and move on. However, you will end up making her subservient to score over her all through. Unless you’re a man who can put her on a pedestal beyond such things, you shouldn’t marry her.
It’s easy to say marry her and accept her but you are going to spend your entire life with her, and need to be sure of this relationship. If this is going to come in between your relationship then better call off now then ruining two lives after marriage and who knows if you have kids then that kid will have broken home. If you genuinely can forgive and forget then go ahead. It’s your choice. Dont get influenced by anyone, take a break , think about it and take a sound decision
Forgive her and marry her. She is true to you. Believing you, she told her past. Now, it's your time to get her out of it. Marry her, give a complaint and remove the video with the help of cybercrime police. Don't worry about relations. They will talk if we rise or fall... Leave those idiots. Be true to your heart.... Long Live Both of you....
First you need to ask her to show the video, compare the libido of her bf with yours, also compare the size, if you think you are better than her boyfriend, you can proceed with it, else drop off. She has already tasted the blood once and if she gets anything lesser than that, she will ditch you. Also for research purposes, please share the video with me, let me have a look and guide you better.
Break the marriage before it breaks you
After some days she will gonna tell you that college one video also out 😂😂
I would advice you against judging someone based on their past that too with whatever that has happened in their teens. But try to have a honest conversation with her and also evaluate how it may affect your life going forward.
Use ur emotional intelligence n decide...
If u think without her u will not regret then break up and move on, but if u think u love her and want to spend life with her then accept the past and move on with her.
Dude - call off the wedding if it’s disturbing ur mind — don’t spoil her life and ur life — if you keep thinking how she s_x with him you can’t live with her how much she loves you and take care you
Just forget the Past and be happy. If you marry her she would be the best loyal wife to you. It's for sure. Because you excused her past mistakes. So be calm and marry the girl. It's good for your future.
If the bf had not threatened her she would have been mum forever. Think well and decide
Don't chase virginity, chase honesty n behaviour. In this case there's a slight hesitation in her honesty part which is understandable.
Bro anything come on internet will never be erased
azab prem ki gazab kahani 😂
break the engagement
It will find your friends ।। Question is whether you would be ok .. with it... No she didn't lie ....but again whether you are ok with such burden ... Upto u
Living in fear, guild or in victim mode is not a real life. This is really not about her but about you and your personality. Only you know your boundaries of acceptance, act accordingly. Dont let any other parameters influence your decision. If not you, she may still find another compatibale match but you moving ahead with any of those feelings would be bad for both
Bro is about to become news for different reasons 😭😂
That's something to think about
You can create another story stating you have a secret to share but afraid, pause and ask chatgpt, to create Siya story love triangle see if she can stand it, BTW atleast she opened up, and no sunny Leone was not married. So be practical. All past can be healed if not repeated. Tc
This is how men are fooled
There might be more untold stories
Men to men bro .mauka xa paxi hatnu..you will regret later if you continue with her.mero comments le katti ko paaro taatla but fact is fact.run bro run😎
Bro send me the link
There is an opportunity in porn industry
First, file a case, that bastard can not threaten her using a sensitive subject like this, file for a restraining order. Second, be there for her, she could have kept it hidden, and after marriage it would have been a serious issue Third, take some time for yourself, i know you're gonna spiral through some stuff and it's better to deal with it alone and away from her
Can you handle this truth lifelong and kinda forget this and be normal like you donno anything about it??
रहने दे भाई, शादी के बाद तू बार बार उसको यही याद दिलाएगा तू, जरा जरा सी लड़ाई में
Some people are here for the link actually 😂😂
I think it's better for you to move on.. It'll definitely spin in your head all the time.. Otherwise you wouldn't have taken this much into your mind... Break this engagement!
What you need to be more worried about is that ex boyfriend who is threatening her and may threaten you later. I would help her file a police case against him for blackmailing and close that chapter before taking any further decisions on your relationship.
Bhai jab arrange marriage hi karni hai phir tooti huyi seal kyu leni simple hai
You have one life and you have to decide like a women.. They don't take a chanse on you, if u are broke now, u are just broke to them. Use their logic and escape when u could.. Find out the finest and easiest way to break this without getting in way too much... I have seen bride family make their problem, urs
My main question is do OP even read these suggestions made by random people?
She's so naive that she spread her legs, got banged, and even recorded a video. Accept her, bro. She's innocent
Bhai shaadi.com se shaadi mat karo..abhi ek sach saamne aaya hai para nhin abhi kitne sach saamne aayenge..aur aapko pahle ye sab kyon nhin bataya gaya..immediately break this engagement
Drop the match.
If you see your future with her then you should not see her past. It happened around 7-8 years ago. And before her ex she confessed this to you. People will say that if she got intimate earlier she would do it in future too. But for this i would say what she did she did it with her partner not for money i guess. And men also do get intimate with their ex. So her past should not matter. But yes if she is like that only then you should think before getting married.
Call it off. If her past relationship hasn't got any closure after all this and 5+ years it will never. She has made some wrong choices in life and she has to pay for it, but you don't have to ruin your life for it.
Let me help, judging someone on the basis their of past is a matter of debate. But you don't have the stomach to digest it and it's normal. Break this union at any cost or else two lives would be ruined badly
Ask that girl.... You have become an open book to everyone..... How will i survive in society.... When every second person has seen you...
Past is past..move on..and give her chance to live happily with you
Forgive and forget
Bhai it's better to walk away... believe me...it's good for both of you..U will not be able to get this out of your brain.
I know it's a shock to you as it hit you all of a sudden. But it's not a big deal.
Forget about it, respect her honesty and tell her clearly that you’d appreciate honesty in the relationship going forward !
The fact that you have to ask for other people’s opinions about this issue suggests that you should not get married to her. This is not to punish anyone but to protect you. By marrying her, you are going to make this problem your problem. You should never feel guilty to prioritise your own mental well being. There is a saying- Not my circus, not my monkeys. Learn to draw the line for the sake of yourself.
You are the good guy she is settling for.
She was in 12th and so naive
Only trouble that she disclosed when her so long past boy friend threatened her.Like if the relation is that old and every body had moved on, then how come the boy friend came out of no where...there is something fishy from the girl...but reading all the news now à days its better to call off the engagement ask à sincère sorry to the girl and tell her you you not Ok with this new révélation....and move on
If you want to be a fool, be it 💯 percent... don't be in the middle.I don't think 12th standard will both you much but College video might be interesting
If she had confessed this before the engagement, then yes, she would have deserved another chance for being transparent and honest. But she revealed it only after the engagement, and only because her ex-boyfriend threatened her. That raises an important question: would she have confessed it if he hadn't threatened her? Also, you're only 29. You still have plenty of time, and marriage is one of the biggest commitments you'll ever make. If you go ahead despite these doubts, there's a chance you'll always wonder whether you truly know the whole truth. Living with that uncertainty can affect your peace of mind. Think of this as God giving you an opportunity to make an informed decision before it's too late. If you decide to call off the marriage, you'll probably feel disappointed for a few days, but your peace of mind is far more important in the long run.
Hey, just accept her. She didn't lie or hide. She was a teenager . Nevertheless, She spoke the truth but you didn't enquire further. She seems to be a genuine person.
Bro she's not honest if she was honest she would have told in the first place this was her fomo speaking because if you get to know by her ex then this betrayal will hurt further and she won't have excuse to cry for empathy
Hire a detective and find everything about her, do BGV then take decision.
One red flag- she had past that's ok and whatever happens to her was very bad. They changed city to get rid of her past but again had another relationship. You must ask her in detail about second relationship. She can lie but try to have a conversation. If she had intimacy there also, you might be the third relationship only. And her first BF still has her traces that means he could have impacted her second relationship too. First assured that past is settled completely
Once something Hits internet, it stays.... Now the cheating part..... She did it, she said this now just because of the pressure from her first BF, otherwise you won't be knowing it in your lifetime, that's my friend is what cheating is. Getting physical is a common thing now, but hiding it even after good bonding is what cheating starts with.
Just please don't marry her
There is always something that people would be hiding. And people rarely change. We are the same person we were 20 years ago. You only get more matured and sophisticated with age, you never change completely. That girl cheated her parents in 12th and got caught. Now she knows how to cheat you and get away. Better to call it off.
She lied earlier... So a big "No No "
Don't proceed. Walk out.
I wont marry her but your choice
Better to break off the engagement
If you can’t forget and forgive why you want to know about the past.
Forget and move on with her if She's remirseful.
Protect your mental peace. Or you will have to deal with this fact your entire life. Would a woman have done the same if you were in that spot? No right. Take the correct call
Abhi ruk, college wala kaand alag se niklega kisi din!
Call off...it will remain in your head forever...u have a leverage now..later u will be legally bounded and might ruin both of ur lives.
If you think your life is a dharmashala, good luck...
Can't say anything....
Break otherwise u will be in blue drum....or will see some snake on ur bed...or u will fall from some hill....or be in jail in dowry case
Break engangement for ur n her peace
Will she accept you if you were in her position? Will you be able to accept such a person for your son 30 years from now? Your mental answer is the decision. WALK AWAY.
🏃💨
If you can't handle the truth it's okay to stop everything now before it making worse scenarios in future. Everyone has their own choice, you too. So think logically without any emotional burden.
No seal no deal
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