I’d make it a little more self-aware and balanced. Instead of only criticizing him, it also acknowledges that you were young and made choices you wouldn’t make today. That tends to resonate more with readers. 26F. Back in 2018, when I was 18, I met a guy on Happn. He worked at a well-known IT company (I’ll keep the company anonymous). Coincidentally, many of my family members worked there, so I already had a soft corner for that company. He wasn’t conventionally attractive—messy hair, a thick beard, always looking a little unkempt—but he was intelligent and 25 years old He spoke about ambition, careers, and life in a way that fascinated me. I’m someone who’s attracted to intelligence, so I fell for the conversations long before I fell for the person. For the first few months, everything seemed fine. Then he started disappearing for weeks or even months without any explanation. Whenever he came back, it was always with the same lines: “Shona, I missed you.” “You’re too young to understand.” “I don’t know how to handle things, but I love you.” Every single time, I believed him. Looking back, I wasn’t “in love” as much as I was emotionally inexperienced. I confused inconsistency with complexity and excuses with sincerity. I was 18, naïve, and desperately trying to make sense of someone who never communicated clearly. I don’t blame my younger self anymore, but I do wish she had known her worth. I became so emotionally attached that I even dreamed of getting a job at the same company so we could go to work together one day. It sounds ridiculous now, but that’s genuinely how I thought back then. My career dreams were somehow tied to a man who couldn’t even reply consistently. Then one day he called me after returning from Goa and casually told me he’d had s…. there. I remember crying for hours. It completely shattered me. Today, I often wonder why I stayed emotionally invested for so long. Maybe growing up with an emotionally unavailable father made emotional unavailability feel familiar. I can’t say for certain, but it’s a pattern I’ve reflected on over the years. Eventually, we stopped talking. Then in 2021, life had a strange sense of humor. I actually got a job at the same company. For reasons I still don’t fully understand, I messaged him on Teams. Maybe I wanted validation. Maybe I wanted closure. His reply was, “Oh… you could’ve told me. I would’ve been jealous.” Later that year, he left the company and asked if we could get back together. By then I was already seeing someone else, and ignored him . Even after that, there would be random drunk calls at 2 or 3 a.m. every few months. I never entertained them. Last year, while I was in Hyderabad, he called again. Initially, he spoke about his ex and everything that had gone wrong in his life. When I wasn’t interested in engaging, his tone changed. He started listing every favor he had ever done for me—helping me after I got sick at a bar, helping me fill out my college admission form, and several other small things—as if those gestures cancelled out years of emotional inconsistency. When that didn’t work, he started abusing me. I disconnected the call immediately and blocked his number. I genuinely believed that was the end of the story. Then this March, he called from another number. I recognized his voice and blocked that number too. A few days ago, he called again from yet another number. This time, he sounded completely different. Calm. Polite. He apologized repeatedly, spoke about how much he had changed, about his career, about leaving the country, and then he said something I never expected. “You’ve become such a mature woman. I want to spend my life with you. Let’s get married. I’ll keep you happy.” He also told me that back in 2018 he had just gone through a breakup and was emotionally broken, which is why he treated me the way he did. Maybe that’s true. But I’ve also learned that pain can explain someone’s behavior—it doesn’t excuse it. What hurts me most isn’t that he was emotionally unavailable. It’s realizing that while he couldn’t offer consistency, honesty, or emotional security, he had no problem asking me to come over to his flat whenever it suited him. At 18, I mistook being wanted for being loved. I genuinely believed that if I stayed patient enough, he’d eventually become the person I hoped he was. He didn’t. The person who changed was me. Today, at 26, I don’t hate him. I don’t want revenge, and I genuinely hope he has found peace and become a better person. But I also know that the woman he’s asking to marry today was shaped by the pain the 18-year-old version of me had to endure. I’m grateful for the few times he genuinely helped me. At the same time, I can’t ignore the ghosting, manipulation, repeated boundary-crossing, and emotional confusion that came with it. I’ve learned that gratitude doesn’t erase pain, and forgiveness doesn’t automatically mean reconciliation. So I’m left with one question. If someone genuinely regrets how they treated you years later, is it worth meeting them one last time out of humanity—or is protecting your peace the kinder choice, even if they never get the closure they’re asking for?
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Forgiveness doesn't always require reunion. Compassion doesn't always require access. And protecting your peace isn't selfish,it can be the kindest choice you make for yourself.
After time immemorial I've liked this confession... I'm genuinely Proud Of You Kiddo... You're an amazing human being... At an age when people can't wait to jump into bed you tried to seek a genuine connection and become emotionally invested not physically... Which is what everyone should be... When the douche bag left rather than crumbling you handled the situation maturely and with decency... Even after the severance you handled every situation like a proper mature adult in their mid or late 30s when you were in your early 20s... This shows proper ethics and character and integrity... Believe me, you were mature then and you are mature now... Keep this forgiving attitude in life and keep smiling at the hurdles... Just one minor advice don't forget his past and how he treated you... Always Remember... Love goes hand in hand with Truthfulness, Respect and Honour... Of someone can't be transparent, respectful and honourable it's best to part ways with such an individual with amicable terms... God Bless You Kiddo... Hope You achieve the highest level of success and growth in your personal and professional life. 🙂👍🏻
Sometimes not giving closer is the best form of closer, there is nothing to do with him, just move on, if you make meeting means it's small win for him then he ask coffee date and so on, just move on and enjoy your life girl..
Put full stop and not going back again. Don't get confused. Be clear n u will get good person. Forget the old stories
If you can keep your emotions in check, then go meet him. But first ask yourself: What are you still hoping to get from this? Haven’t you had enough already? One meeting might reopen old wounds. Be careful. Your peace matters more than inviting chaos back in.
I’ve never commented on any of the posts here but I want you to know men never change. You have outgrown him by leaps and bounds. He is still stuck in the past. DO NOT MEET HIM. You don’t owe him anything. You got closure years ago and moved on, if he never did that’s on him. I genuinely believe he would manipulate you to get back with him and that too only for physical intimacy, in most cases. If you really have learned from your past then block his number and forget about him once n for all.
Forget and move on... You are young and talented, you will find another one. He seems creep to me, sorry for my language.
Do whatever you want and feel, but don't get emotional and start the relationship again. A true nature never changes.
Getting married will not bring closure. 2. Again same will happen
If you are sure of yourself & in full self control, spiritually mature too, then these penultimate meetings once or twice, is no harm, as you can withdraw & drop him easily thereon; But since you know there is no future, no chance for him for sure allready, don't go alone, take a friend whom you can confide....and use the occassion (since he has the audacity to call the meeting anyway), to empty yourself as much as possible; to your hearts content. Tell him all he did which was a mistake & aberration & emberassing if not shattering trust and belief in him, even abhorrable. Uska bhala ho ki nahin, tumhara toh bhala hoga, it will be a great catharsis, a self cleaning, thought cleansing, relaxing, life will only get greener affer that as thoughts won't trouble you in future, not that they're troubling now. It's like cleaning the drain called mind even more....this will push you towards more peace and meditation when the right time comes. Don't miss the oppurtunity to vomit
Don't fall for the trap girl. You have outgrown yourself and him both!
You have dumped the thrash moved on and went ahead. Don't go back to collect it and he's not good for you. Block, heal and never ever even talk to him.
1st option 🙂
Everyone should get 1 last chance might be he has notified his mistakes and trying to change himself but one thing is for sure if he is repeteadly coming for than i think he has the love for you....Sometimes people in anger shouts or shows the anger to the person who he thinks his own and not to strangers.
You are brave and strong and know your boundaries very well. I think you know what is needed. Please dont get confused with others drama
Protect your peace. Always. Honestly, he is not doing this for you....he is doing it to clear his own conscience so he can feel better about himself. If he was truely changed, he would respect your boundaries instead of calling you from random numbers. You worked so hard to heal and grow into the woman you are at 26. Do notstep back into his chaos just to give him closure. You don't owe him a thing, definitly not your time.
Protect your peace and move on.
Just answer one question for yourself: what is in it for you now.
And Nopee if he respects you, he will meet you in public space not in his flat!
Better stay away!!
Once A Abuser always Abuser
25yo boy manipulating teenage girl is actually very predatory behaviour. Please don't blame yourself. And please please don't ever meet him. Actually all age gap relationships are predatory. 2-3 years age difference is more than enough....
Stay away from him . He is not worth u
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