F30. Sorry for the long post, I need to get everything off my chest. I can't talk about any of these to my friends or family. I need insighful perspectives. Born, raised and living in a western European country, in an area with no indian community. Never married, never dated anyone, have no past relationship, no live-in relationship, no situationship, no casual fling, no hookups, no affair, no one-night stand, no boy besty, nothing...yes a v*rgin. My parents are strict but not against love marriage. I just never tried to be in a relationship, never flirted with anyone, never met anyone I wanted to be with. I didn't feel comfortable when boys approached me. As an introvert, I was always just minding my own business, took my studies very seriously, wouldn't go out much, started working just after completing my master's degree and that's all. To be clear, I'm not judging people who have a different lifestyle, I believe we are free to choose how to live and what we do with our bodies, as long as it doesn't hurt others. I grew up open-minded and have seen friends date, be in live-in relationships, have children outside marriage...It doesn't mean that they are wrong/bad, or that I'm right/good. I just chose a different way of living that is rare and out of the ordinary in this society. I remain true to myself till today. My parents started looking for an alliance when I completed my studies. They created my profile on multiple matrimony websites and would ask me to meet, text or talk over the phone with potential grooms. I've met indian-origin men who grew-up like me in Europe. To my surprise they would not or barely speak/understand any indian languages, they would not watch indian movies or follow indian culture even though they grew-up in cities surrounded by indian communities. Most of them were not respectful, some were clearly forced to meet me by their parents. They would brag about their salary/cars/properties, drinking several times a week, even consuming drugs for fun. One even said that he wanted to be physically intimate with the girl before mariage to be sure that there is chemistry and compatibility between them... Finally one man was respectful, interested in me and friendly but I was disappointed to know that he had several relationships that ended badly, so I couldn't move forward. His family didn't understood my decision, they insisted saying no man his age would stay single till marriage. But I simply can't accept a husband who was already romantically or sexually involved with other women. I think that's a fair expectation considering my life choices. Every time I met a potential groom I realized that they all had relationships before being dragged into an arranged marriage setup by their parents. I wonder how these parents accepted their sons' habits and lifestyles but still remain very close-minded about caste, religion, horoscope and age. A guy was 3 weeks younger than me and his parents said that marriage is impossible because their relatives would question them. My parents are also receiving requests from India. I've met with a few indian men who came to Europe for studies or work. I would try to get to know them by asking about their job, hobbies, likes and dislikes, habits, values...but they would ask things like if I like to cook... Whenever I brought up the topic of past relationships, they would get uncomfortable and say they didn't care if I’d had any, they would accept and adjust to everything, even if I drink or smoke (which I don't), because they knew it is common here. Same thing would happen when talking with men still living in India. After only one meeting or phone call, their parents would all want to proceed with the marriage or expect an answer immediately. I would be surprised considering these men's behavior, I thought they weren't interested in me because they wouldn't try to get to know me. I felt that it was impossible to agree to marry a person you know nothing about (in these day and age), that they were not really looking for a life partner. Instead, they were dealing marriage like a business opportunity to move or settle abroad. I have been through situations that make me doubt about indian men's true intentions and loose trust : 1) When I moved to a big city for higher studies, every Desi man I saw was only dating white girls ; 2) Some guy's father in India tracked me down on social media, sent me audio messages asking me to "help his son", because his son really wants to "visit" Europe, so I should consider marrying his son to "help him" ; 3) A total stranger from India called my parents and directly said "I worked in Europe but lost my job and was deported. I need to go back there immediately, I don't care about religion or anything, I'm ready to marry your daughter right now !". When my parents said no, he totally freaked out and spoke harshly ; 4) One guy went abroad to study, didn't pay his fees, so had to go back to India without completing his course (he lied about that and other things). He was jobless but didn't want to pursue a degree in India because of his shame and ego. Now that all his friends and cousins had successful carriers and were well-settled in India, his plan to overcome them was to marry a girl only from north america, or northern and western european countries. Of course he didn't reveal any of these things to me, his mother blabbed everything to my mother. When I discovered the truth and didn't want to continue further, his mother accused us of ruining her son's dreams and driving him into depression (we didn't even meet, we just spoke on the phone twice) ; 5) Two indian brothers came to my country to study. The elder married a girl like me and stayed here. The younger couldn't find a job after his MBA graduation and had to go back to India. Now years later, the elder is desperately looking for a bride for his younger brother, so they came up with a scheme : the MBA guy got a 6-month work visa as a truck driver in eastern Europe, for the sole purpose of sneaking into my country as a tourist, finding a girl to marry and settling here. It was highly suspicious, I've never imagined that people would go to such lengths. 6) My parents arranged an meeting with a guy in India during our vacation. As usual I tried to get to know him, but all he was talking about is horoscope and kept saying "i don't need to know anything about you because our horoscopes matched, it's enough for me so let's just get married. I will move to your country, i will need time to learn the language and find a job so you will have to bear all the expenses for several years, then my parents would come and live 6 months a year with me". I tried to explain to him that in my country, even in an indian arrange marriage setup, the man and the woman would meet several times to learn about each other and then decide about their future. He got upset and said that he doesn't have time for that (even if he was jobless for 9 years at that time), if I don't get engaged to him right now, he had to change his plans and find an other way to go to Europe by himself and marry a girl there. I was completely fed up... I don't care about height, weight, skin color, hair, salary, own house or things like that. My family has been through a lot of struggles and betrayal, so we know what truly matters ; we value people's character, honesty and loyalty over money, gold, branded clothes, luxury car or properties. I know I'm not perfect, nobody is, we all have qualities and flaws, we all have ups and dows in life... but I expect a respectful, responsible and educated life partner, a v*rgin who doesn't have any past relationship, who can accept me as I am, who treats me as his equal, who has the same values, won't dare to ask any dowry, and will genuinely marry me for who I am and not for my european citizenship. I'm not desperate, I just want to know if my expectations are realistic ? Is it true that there are no men in their 30s who stay single and v*rgin till marriage anymore ? Is my perception and understanding of arranged marriage wrong ? How do people decide to marry someone they know nothing about after only one meeting ? What is the perception of foreign girls in India ? No need to remind me how old I am. Just need insightful perspectives. Thank you
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You are quite right to filter out second-hand candidates. As for finding the right person, I think you should correct your search algorithms: 1. Do not go through parents. Parents are awful in searching and shortlist / reject on the basis of unimportant variables. 2. Use Indian matrimonial apps, get paid memberships, and manage your own accounts. Write about yourself and your partner preferences in unambiguous language. Every time you match with a guy (who may not have read your profile clearly), ask him directly whether he is second-hand or not.
Virgin or not isn’t the real issue. It’s mindset and values that matter. Since you already know how the marriage market works and how harsh it can be, the best move is to focus on yourself and your growth. If you believe in certain things, hold your standards. Don’t settle just because you feel pressured to marry. And being Indian doesn’t mean you have to marry an Indian. What should match are values and ethos. Take the first step. Consider dating. Ask friends you trust to help you out.
Just be yourself, set your boundaries, don't compromise on it and libd your life until some respects you for this and is willing to be yours by acknowledging this.
No you are not unrealistic
Your preferences aren't unrealistic, but your timing isn't practical. It's much easier to find virgin men with no past in their 20s than in their 30s. Most men with no past by that age either want to protect their reputation or couldn't find anyone despite trying, not because they chose to wait. Men in their 30s who genuinely wait until marriage to be close and intimate with a woman are rare. More often than not, if they're successful, they have high expectations, with a woman's age being one of them. Having preferences is perfectly fine, especially if you fit the bill. But if you're too rigid, you might miss out on someone wonderful. By their 30s, most people have some kind of past, but not all pasts are the same. Marrying someone younger might also give you what you want. Arranged marriage is a business deal, so don't be surprised if many men want to marry you just to move abroad.
You are moral, idealistic and good person it seems. And world has many hypocrites and cheaters. You have to find someone at your wavelength. It's going to be tough but you will find someone. Good luck for your analysis and search. Also try to understand male and female psychology, it will help you.
Cautious and sensitive, but proud and deserving of respect, protection, trust and confidence.
You don't need a partner. You need therapy first.
take time shyad u find the guy like u wamt suna hai ki fruits of waiting always sweet my thinking also same as u
Do you have any cousins who are in the same age group as your's but they grew up in India? You should talk with them and compare experiences. My guess is - your parents were able to raise you as if in 80s-90s India because you didn't have any Indian community there to compare upbringing. So they could say "we don't do this in Indian culture" and you believed. Meanwhile Indian Gen Y and Z was raised on unlimited porn, HIMYM (daily drinking and partying), toxic films like Garam Masala, Bachana Ae Hasinon, Kabir Singh or Animal... It's all chaos out there. And Gen X is watching helplessly....
You would've found your ideal match but Alas! You're 30+ which means that you've expired for most of the good men for marriage. A man who is virgin & successful would seek a girl who's below 25 years. Who has youth, beauty & fertility to offer. It's good that you're a virgin and seeking a virgin groom, but based on your age it might be a bit late for you. I would recommend staying single for the rest of your life. What's even the point of marrying this late? Stay single and enjoy life 🍻 Oh, and let's not forget how over the hill you are you’re past your prime and nobody wants the leftovers anymore. No point crying about it either.
I think you should move to india for few months. Quite possible that you will find someone here matching your criteria. But you will have to give the process some time. And just saying that not having any previous relationship is no guarantee that he will be faithful afterwards. Certainly too many relationships is a red flag. But if and when you find a person you feel is right, you will yourself forgo some of the points you are considering right now. But you should start the process soon. Time is running out. Good luck
I don’t find any reason why you can’t want a man who doesn’t have any past relationships like you.. hypocrisy would be you having a crazy life and past , divorced but wanting a man with no past
Virginity, whether of a man or a woman, doesn't define their character. It's more important to find someone who is honest, trustworthy, and shares your values. I moved to Western Europe in my early 20s and once had similar views, but I later realized that kindness, respect, and loyalty matter far more than someone's past. Everyone has the right to their preferences, but don't let one criterion make you miss a genuinely good partner.
I don't think your expectations are unrealistic, they're highly specific. There's an important difference. You're not asking for wealth, looks, or status, you're asking for someone whose life choices mirror your own values. You're entitled to that preference, just as others are entitled to prefer someone who is comfortable with a partner having a past. That said, your preference will naturally reduce your pool of compatible matches, especially among people in their 30s living in Western countries, where dating before marriage is much more common. A smaller pool doesn't mean the right person doesn't exist, it just means the search may take longer. Your experiences with men primarily interested in European residency are understandably making you cautious. Those are genuine red flags, but it's also important not to let those experiences define your perception of all Indian men. There are sincere people as well, though finding them requires patience and careful screening. Regarding arranged marriages, traditionally they were often finalized after very few meetings. Today, however, many educated families encourage multiple conversations before making a lifelong commitment. If someone refuses to let you know them and expects an immediate "yes," that's a compatibility issue, not something you have to accept. Finally, be prepared for the possibility that someone may have had a respectful, committed relationship in the past yet still possess the honesty, loyalty, and character you value. If your boundary about having no past relationships is absolute, that's your choice, but recognize it's a preference, not a measure of someone's worth or morality. Stay true to your values, but keep an open mind about people as individuals rather than judging them by broad categories. The right partner should choose you for who you are, not for your passport or where you live.
Your ask is right , but men in India when they wanna marry a girl in India , they look for her salary ,job and her family status. Though men working at India earn a decent pay ,they still try to take away the girls salary and wait for the girls family property. I had seen this in many families in Tamil Nadu ,Andhra here. Men will say yes for everything before marriage,but post marriage,u will get to know their original face . But in these days , chances of getting men without past relationship is very less .
Iruken 35 age still virgin ok va
Hey, it is absolutely normal.. and trust me guys even in their 30s can also be virgin like a girl.. and according to me ur perception is right. U can contact me.. I know suitable matches for you in India. Pls do let me know in DM if u r interested.
If she were with me, I would put my hand under her feet. Alas, my fate.
I m Single and Age 31 🌹🔥
Maybe you're not into mens get check up done
You are a genuine person. Good luck with your search Do not compromise on your standards.World is so big, do not limit your search to India/Indian Origin. High standard / healed men are still available,so widen your search area.
B
Tldr ...just from the first sentence..YES
There are virgin men. But if they are they are mummy's boy. Not a man. You will be a mom to them. They won't know how to Fk you properly and wants a mom not a woman. Be careful what you ask for
Do one thing save trouble why not even marry U are are most pure person have seen very very pure. To match your standards remote. Good luck if someone gets
I am still at 34M, but less financial strong. Feels no value in life. No past feels like dinasour in this generation.
Bht lamba likhi ho behen
u need to come to India and get settled here if u want what u ask else u need to stay single all ur life :P
Dude !! Get a life !!
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