Need genuine advice – please be practical, especially from Indian arranged marriage perspective I am a 29-year-old professional (m) with a stable career earning 28LPA and no major health issues myself. I also have a younger brother who is also a professional earning 16LPA. Coming to the main topic, My mother (she is only parent, father died in road accident) has been living with HIV for several years. She is on regular treatment, follows medical advice, and her latest viral load is undetectable. She leads a largely normal life. During arranged marriage discussions, I have been transparent about my mother's health before any final commitment. However, in multiple cases, families have lost interest or stopped communication after learning about it. I am trying to understand the practical reality: 1. If you were on the girl's side, would your decision be affected by a prospective groom's mother having well-controlled HIV? 2. Do most families see this as a genuine concern, or is it mainly due to social stigma associated with HIV? 3. If the prospective groom himself is healthy and HIV-negative, would your view change? 4. At what stage of arranged marriage discussions would you expect such information to be disclosed? 5. Am I being overly transparent compared to what is common in the arranged marriage market? Please be honest. I am not looking for politically correct answers or medical explanations. I want to understand how people actually think and make decisions in real-life Indian arranged marriages. Kindly keep the discussion respectful.
Share your thoughts anonymously.
ℹ️ Your comment will be posted publicly on Facebook if it complies with our community guidelines.
HIV has too much stigma attached to it. People usually associate HIV with low character or poor moral values due to a lack of knowledge and awareness. They also fear it's easily contagious. In an arranged marriage setting, it's highly unlikely for a family to overlook it. If you hide it and they find out later, that could become a huge problem too. Being transparent about it is definitely important and commendable on your part. The groom being healthy and HIV-negative doesn't change anything. A family that has seen or experienced something similar might be able to get past it. Or in a love marriage.
Be honest abt it brother, let the chips fall where they may
Families who don't have any medical history are reluctant to marry into family with medical history. HIV definitely has more social stigma. So do mental health issues. It's good that you are disclosing it to prospective bride's family. Are there 'HIV patients family' support groups? You might get match or more acceptance there. --- Answer to your questions – 1. Ofcourse yes 2. Both 3. No 4. First stage itself. Initial shortlisting. Before first meeting. 5. Might be. But isn't it better this way? What's the point in starting relationship based on lie/hiding truths?
Would you marry your sister in a similar scenario?
Nobody will accept that. Nobody would like to marry their daughter in a family where some one is HIV positive. This is the brutal truth. Go for love marriage
Because the wife eventually becomes the primary care taker of the MIL. Why would anyone want to be in this situation?
A part of it may be social stigma but also a large part would be your wife having to become a caregiver for a sick person- whether it is HIV or other illness.
First, people don't have much knowledge about HIV. Most of their knowledge comes from AIDS and idiots think it only happens only due to intercourse. So expecting them to be at ur level is of no use. Second, arranged marriage is anyways a business deal nowadays. Ur mother's HIV status does not suit the term of their deal. Its honestly good to be clean and clear on ur part, but do you think even if any girl agrees to marry you, she would be truthful and be completely honest on her part too?
You are talking about HIV. My marriage proposals were happening between 2005-2010 I am 84 born , my mom had breast cancer and died in 2010 with the same issue. My proposal was rejected by some families for moms health reason. It’s Indian n people think they are immortal n very pure breed. Nothing affects them . I only hope you get a partner who comes to your life for who you are , along with the baggage you are carrying . Best wishes to your future
Arranged will be nearly impossible unless you downscale your expectations from the bride. Try love marriage. Women generally are a lot more understanding when they're in love.
If you are seeing this , it is because of lack of knowledge . People assume that its in your genes and you will also get it maybe down the line , later on to their grandkids too . So , its a little grey area here . And its really your call as to how much info you want to share regarding this to your future spouse parents .
Medico legally you have no right to discuss your mother’s medical diagnosis without her written consent and that too only for medical reasons, period
Poor knowledge on HIV and social stigma is main reason. No one will be ready to accept if they know it .
Men expect bride to take care of mother. So yes concealing HIV is wrong.
Bro as long as you are healthy, there is no problem. It is not necessary to tell your mother's sickness to the girl's family.
It's good for you to be transparent before meeting or investing further time. Point is very simple. If you didn't have this situation and everyone was absolutely healthy in your family, will you consider a girl with hiv +ve mother? Or it will be easier for you to reject her and find someone with no such health background? Arrange marriage is a huge platform and it's very easy for boys or girls to find a regular profile rather than take heroic steps. It's as simple as that. No offense to you or your family. Better be transparent about this point and keep looking. Hope you find someone suitable soon. Best wishes
If you are not HIV positive, No need to mention it. She is marrying you not your mother. People don't have awareness
Honestly, i don t think you need to tell your future in law of your mom's health status at the beginning. And also provide the future in law your latest health results including STD and HIV negative results. And technology has advanced so far. Undetectable viral load means the person cannot pass the virus to his/ partner if they have sexual intercourse. For undetectable viral load to be there, treatment is important. Research has shown that HIV positive people with undetectable viral load enjoy the same lifespan as those without HIV. People who spoke to you and rejected you are poor in knowledge. However, its a blessing in disguise for you. While i understand its your intention to be honest, I don t think you need to detail about your mom's health. If you think you want to be transparent with your mom health, bring along your latest health reports as well. And look for a well educated family, pls not someone who judge easily.
HIV is a stigma in ind. Set up. You know what they might be thinking 🤔 After marriage daughter in law needs to work closely or with MIL. This might be their fear. Even though it's not detectable that's all fine but . Still very difficult. There are many ways one can get HIV. That's another thinking 🤔 Very difficult to get in arranged marriage And if you hide that's too not right. Try something in love marriage if you are destined for that.
Stay honest. Jisko aana hai wo ayegi. Else stay single
You are doing the right thing, would you have hidden if your mother had any mental health issues? When you know that some of these conditions have so much social stigma associated with them, it is best to disclose them at the very start in order to avoid any future disaster. I am sure that you will find someone who will not have any problems marrying you even after knowing the truth.
Keep a nurse at home for your mother. It will be easier to assure the girl’s parents that she is being cared for.
do not get married. marriage is a scam nowadays.
Arranged marriage market 😂 you get all types of products in market. Just throw money and get a body. It's like flesh trade after all...
HIV positive people live normally like a regular person with current meds. You can not spread HIV while on adequate medicines and viral titers are controlled. Every person's medical history is personal. You disclosing your mother's medical history is neither ideal nor necessary. Get your HIV test, if it's negative, you can go about your business like a normal person and marry whoever you want.
To be brutally honest no family wd agree Being a doctor I have seen the patients themselves abandoned by family
They should reject you. Adopt a kid or something. Accept your situation.
Why are you disclosing it there are far more lethal health issues where the bride's parents suffer which they never disclose them!
I feel for you brother...I know its going to be tough.
Don't marry or have S please
Your mother's HIV is not a problem to discuss, you may conceal it . The real issue is that you don't have HIV, even undetectable, this should be cleared in the talks with prospectives.
Reason for hiv?
I don’t think u need to disclose it . Prescribe brides don’t need to know what all health issues ur parents have.
Will u marry of ur daughter in a hiv home where she has to live eat and breathe same air the hiv patient is using. , bro how ur mom affected dnt know but no one will gv there daughter harsh reality accept it
If u are not positive no issues then
Hey brother, I’ll be straight because you asked for real answers, not PC ones. 1. *Would it affect my decision?* Yes, for a lot of Indian families it would. Not because of medical risk, but because of stigma, fear, and "log kya kahenge". Even if your viral load is undetectable, most parents in their 50s don't know what U=U means. They hear HIV and panic. 2. *Concern vs Stigma?* 90% stigma. The real medical risk to the girl or future kids is near zero if you’re negative and precautions are followed. But arranged marriage decisions are rarely made on medical facts alone. They’re made on family reputation, future grandchildren’s health, and relatives’ opinions. 3. *If groom is negative?* It helps, but it doesn’t erase the fear for most families. They’ll still worry: "What if something happens to the mother? Who will care for her? Will this affect the kids?" 4. *When to disclose?* What you’re doing now is right. Disclose after 2-3 meetings, once there’s genuine interest, but before roka/engagement. If you say it too early, they won’t even meet you. If you say it too late, they’ll feel cheated and it blows up worse. 5. *Are you too transparent?* No. Hiding this will cause bigger problems later. But you can frame it better: "My mother is on treatment for a chronic condition and is perfectly healthy and stable" first, then give details once they ask. Also keep medical reports ready from a doctor to show it’s managed. Practical tip: Look in metros, educated families, and through professional circles where medical literacy is higher. The stigma is still there in Tier 1 cities too, but it’s less. You’ll lose 7 out of 10 families. The 3 who stay will be the ones worth it. You’re not doing anything wrong. It’s just that arranged marriage in India still runs heavily on fear and society, not just logic. Wishing you strength. You deserve someone who sees you, not just your mother’s report.
Social stigma .still people relate hiv only to one factor . It's good u have already disclosed it . You need a report that you are healthy and it's not a genetic issue .wait till some sane person accepts .don't lie and make your life miserable later .
Why do you want to get into an arranged marriage though?
In india already lack of knowledge in everything filled with stigma superstition. This not surprising at all. Many still fear that it's contagious can cause harm some see as bad omen. It's not matured society overall if hope u get find matured person
Inbox
Dm me
Repeated confession
Poor people, poor knowledge!
Be transparent in marriage,even though takes time.As family history also important, people may find it difficult.Patiently accept this fact..
Visit Dr Adeji the best alternative natural approach Dr Adeji
Are you too retarded to look for arranged marriage BS?
Comments for Post #C27754
Submit Confession