Comments for Post #C27733

It's not really the world's fault, it's our own choices. Just like you, most of us don't know how to spot red flags or judge long-term compatibility. More often than not, the signs are there from the beginning, but we ignore them because we desperately want to be loved, chosen, and have a partner. That desire can blind us to reality. The same things we ignore in the beginning eventually become the things we can't tolerate. Some people learn these lessons through a relationship, then breakup and grow wiser. Sadly, others marry into it, get stuck and find it much harder to leave. If leaving isn't an option right now, maybe try marriage counselling or have an honest, wholehearted conversation with her. At least try to fix it for the sake of your happiness.

The mistake you made was not judging her properly before the marriage, even though you had enough time to do so. You shouldn't rely only on emotions, because the other person can easily manipulate you. If she had a past relationship, you should have made sure she had genuinely moved on before discussing marriage. If she hadn't, and you assumed everything would be fine after marriage because she would eventually become emotionally attached to you, that was a wrong assumption. There could also be other possibilities though. For example, she might currently be involved with someone else or having an affair. It's important to consider all possibilities rather than making assumptions.

You're either stuck with a Narcissist in their devaluation phase (less chance unless they're also cheating) or possibly someone with severe AVPD. More info may shed more light to pinpoint. Either way, it stems from a place of shortage, deprivation and a tough childhood possibly stemming from a Narcissistic Parent or worse Narcissistic Family dynamic whete their needs were either left unmet or faced rejection. She needs therapy, you'll need to be patient. Help her rekindle, while giving her the space. It may be a long road, but it is possible to heal if the love is still there

Ek hi toh life hai, responsibilities and attachment ke naam pe chutiya mat bano. Live ur life before it’s too late.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's high time you stood up for yourself and your kids. If she's not taking responsibility and is emotionally torturing you, don't wait any longer. You have one life. Live it for you and your children. Get out of this toxic situation.

I'm always surprised when I see man or woman expecting love, companionship from a marriage. I'm Gen Xer. And I have NEVER seen a marriage or couple like that in my whole life. It has ALWAYS been a 'social deal' between man and a woman. Man provides money (food, clothes and shelter) to a woman. And woman provides services (sex, reproduction, chores, child rearing, elder care) to a man. 'Love' I have seen ONLY in bollywood movies. And that too is just eyeroll worthy 🙄🙄 Married couples (be it boomers, gen x or gen y), all had been just 'tolerating' each other for the sake of children. And now a days for a social media sake they are portraying 'happy picturesque family'.

Don't be emotional fools.... I lost my 30yrs old only son for being simpethetic... peaceful life is more important than complicated life....

Start spending on your own and travel solo. Give them a fixed budget and say that you can't to beyond that and, if she complains or threatens divorce then tell get that if she divorced you she will not even get half of this.

Sad post ... But I feel gender is reversed... The more you choose your partner's need before yours , the more they will take you for granted... Focus on your world outside and kids ... If unbearable, apply for divorce....

No worries .. you are not alone bro ..

Guys...... you know what....? The word "confession" means ADMITTING CRIME that is done by US. Here, Most of you just writing your sad stories. Let us come to this story...... Dear...... Whether you like it or not, life has to move on. Don't worry.... your growing children are seeing your struggle. Whether you feel it or not, your children will understand the cold War between you and your wife. Don't worry..... Two years of lack of intimacy is the red flag. Those children who brought up in highly controlled environment will always seek to control other.

The fault is after knowing everything about your wife's past, you just accepted her without knowing the after consequences.

Knew the past still fell for her, no bro, you did not love her as much as you hated your loneliness. Love doesn’t mean blindness. Accept that you found her hot and available and dived in her tears fully and tried to become a knight in shining armour. Now reap what you sow and you sow cactus 🌵. Now enjoy the dryness with the tadka of thorns. Solution: I believe you should talk to her about what you feel and ask her upfront about what was her expectations from you from the very beginning. Don’t hide your pain from her and if she says nothing or gives silence as an answer. Be ready to break the relationship because sooner or later you would do sth crazy and feel guilty afterwards throughout your life. 40 is not too old to live life like an emotional hell. Take action as deemed fit here.

The same is happening to me.

Test

Divorce her and live your life. Now you are just a simp. Let her know your value. She belongs to streets. Let her go where she belongs

Prayed everyday since 18? Dafuq So you never had a proper life, and now you want to blame her and life and etc etc because you see the end of your youth ? lol Suck it up, it is only Wednesday. You got whom you wanted, You couldn’t rekindle the romance, You don’t spend money on yourself, and we cannot even tell if you brush your teeth twice everyday or not. Be the man she would desire, at least be a desirable man. And no one else is responsible for your happiness, you have to find it yourself.

B'coz you are a fool .....never understood the world or even now when you are 40yrs old; Your understanding of life, world, is shallow , infact hasn't even begin the journey, life is not all only wife, husband, worldly life...expand, grow, touch other lives too, including your extended family......then you would have no need to come here to confession room. Why you obsessed with wife, her biological role finished, and she gave u two sweet kids, why u expecting moon from her🌝!? Just leave her alone for few years if needs be, look after children & focus on yourself.... Life will be fantastic....she will then start chasing you, let her hv her run & chase times in times to come, some ppl like to be ignored to get back .. too much attn n kindness, is just so hard to digest , nothing tht comes easy is valued, make it hard...