Gender: MaleSubmitted on 15 June 2026 at 12:45 pm
Hey everyone, I’m a 29M and I am feeling completely broken, confused, and emotionally depleted. I’ve been carrying a massive burden in absolute silence for the last 12 months, and I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. The Background: My girlfriend and I have been together for a couple of years and we have been actively planning our marriage. We both come from traditional Brahmin families, and our futures, careers, and family reputations are deeply intertwined. The Discovery (1 Year Ago): A year ago, I accidentally logged into her messaging account. What I saw completely shattered the image I had of her. There was a massive history of intense flirting, asking guys to cuddle, and sexting/sending nudes during her school years (around age 16-17). What hurt the most, however, was the timeline. A lot of this heavy, casual flirting and texting multiple guys happened literally the week before we met and started dating. Furthermore, her father was a teacher at the very school where a lot of these multiple relationships and texts took place. Coming from our community, the sheer lack of discretion and the risk she took back then terrifies me regarding our future reputation. The Confrontation and The "Lie": When I confronted her about it back then, she went into a complete panic and bluntly denied everything, claiming her account had been compromised/hacked. Because I didn't want to lose the relationship and the future we planned, I tried to swallow my doubts and force myself to move past it. Recently, the tension boiled over again. This time, she took an ultimate emotional route: she swore on her young baby niece's life and swore inside a temple that she was telling the truth and never lied to me. My logical brain knows what I saw with my own eyes on those logs a multi-year personal history cannot be simulated by a hacker. But her extreme defensive tactics and oaths leave me feeling intensely guilty, gaslit, and confused. Where I Am Right Now: It has been a whole year since the initial discovery, and time has not healed it. I am stuck in a severe loop of Retroactive Jealousy. Every time we are intimate, or even when we just kiss, my mind involuntarily plays a "mental movie" visualizing her with those other guys right before she met me. I’ve spent the last week in absolute despair crying for days straight, unable to sleep, and emotionally freezing up. I’ve been ignoring her texts for the last couple of days because I just don't have the energy to fight or pretend anymore. My Dilemma: I feel like the foundation of trust was permanently broken a year ago, both by the reality of her actions right before meeting me, and her total refusal to be honest about it today. But when I think about leaving, I am paralyzed by fear: What if leaving her is the wrong choice and I throw away our future? How do I handle the massive fallout between our traditional parents, especially given her father's social standing? Am I being unfair for not being able to look past things that technically happened before we officially committed? I am completely emotionally exhausted. How do I break this loop? Can a relationship ever recover when a partner chooses a permanent lie over radical honesty, or am I forcing myself to save something that died a year ago? Any insight, especially from anyone who has dealt with retroactive jealousy or intense family pressures in marriage tracks, would be deeply appreciated.
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💬 Comments (22)
Anonymous22 June 2026 at 10:12 pm
The real issue isn't her past, it's the fact that a year later you still don't trust her. Marriage cannot survive where trust is missing. If you're still losing sleep, replaying events, and questioning everything after all this time, you need to honestly ask yourself whether you can truly move forward or if you're holding on out of fear of letting go.
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Anonymous25 June 2026 at 6:43 pm
She was 16-17, naive girls. This happened at least 13 yrs ago. She must be more mature now, people change. Let this go. Work on actively forgiving her and forgetting this. Go take help of a therapist if needed. But if you can't 100% forgive her or trust her, break up with her. She deserves better.
Anonymous27 June 2026 at 3:22 pm
Brother, honestly you might be the next Ketan. If you value your own life, RUN AWAY!!!!
Anonymous23 June 2026 at 8:23 am
Leave and move on simple rather then hurting ur self ahead in life
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Anonymous23 June 2026 at 6:50 am
>> Am I being unfair for not being able to look past things that technically happened before we officially committed? >> Yes that's unfair. But you can say that - I'm unable to trust you. So let's break up.
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Anonymous22 June 2026 at 11:02 pm
Bhai kat gaya hai tumhara. Shanti se nikal lo. Saadi to tumse wo kabhi na karegi.
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Anonymous23 June 2026 at 12:44 am
people do evolve and everyone has some dark side within, are you a saint,you never did anything?? sometimes, It’s really nice to not know everything about everyone and that’s the way out. Whatever you saw , was her true self but she is in denial mode bcz she was too scared to tell you! may be, you guys never had that comfort zone. Otherwise it aint a big deal to share about dark past.
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Anonymous23 June 2026 at 3:33 am
So I want to share my own experience. As a girl when I was also in my 16, 17 I used to create different Facebook accounts and sometimes used to chat with mostly people I knew somehow. But later maybe after using those account for a couple of months I forgot the password and the funny thing was I had added some of those accounts in my personal Facebook account. So later I came to know that those accounts are active and are being used by other people. So there are possibilities that those chats or things you mentioned was really hacked her account. Or he accounts were used by other people.
Anonymous25 June 2026 at 2:39 pm
Relationship is based on trust. 1. What happened before she met you is none of your business 2. You cannot trust her is your problem 3. Read this message again you have your answer. You have no trust so don’t create trouble because of your inability to trust. Move on
Anonymous23 June 2026 at 7:52 am
Time has the answer .. leave it on time . Concentrate on your life , well being and career . Some things in life which needs to fall take time to gradually come to end .. This is start of that process .. it's painful but that's how life is .. Give your self Time
Anonymous22 June 2026 at 11:18 pm
Give her a chance to be good
Anonymous23 June 2026 at 7:30 pm
Every body has a past don't go in that live for today ..n she is living good way ..
Anonymous22 June 2026 at 10:12 pm
This is exactly what is going on with me 😭😔😭
Anonymous22 June 2026 at 10:43 pm
The way you started to write I thought you had unalived someone and need drum advice. Anyway...she was a minor back then, rather than asking what she was going through to take drastic steps or whether she was vulnerable and exploited ...you're putting a virtue tag on her forehead. Do one thing, dump her and meet someone new then write here again so that we can call you for the streets. Indian men!
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Anonymous22 June 2026 at 10:43 pm
That is so unfortunate. I dont think u can forget that and lead a peaceful life with her. She could have lied in the fear of loosing u. Maybe you should take some time to decide on this. Peace of mind do matter.
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Anonymous22 June 2026 at 10:11 pm
Run! People even lie on their children to cover lies. You are not hallucinating here. Reality check for you
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Anonymous22 June 2026 at 10:11 pm
Sad
Anonymous23 June 2026 at 9:08 am
Chor de aur aage badh. Itna dramatic mat ban. Duniya ki last ladki nahi hai woh.
Anonymous22 June 2026 at 11:47 pm
Bhag Milkha Bhag!
Anonymous22 June 2026 at 10:38 pm
Leave her
Anonymous22 June 2026 at 10:25 pm
It's crystal clear, she is a lier & drama queen, she knows how to play with Ppl's mind (eg swearing in temple & niece), another proof she has been playing with too many male's since teenage (which was accidentally discovered & shocked her), And the kind of typical low morals & lier female she is .... Notwithstanding her family's social standing which she is safeguarding by lie'ing but character can't be hidden for long.... Just dump her, show her real face before your family so that they don't feel emberassed, it's such a easy decision, which due to your age and immaturity is such a huge burdens by now, you definitely don't need to slog it over for a year .... And don't you take entire family & whole world burden on your head, one issue at any time, and stress is more harmful than you can ever imagine, (just spit it out, it's poisonous, you did nothing wrong)..
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Anonymous22 June 2026 at 10:16 pm
Dump her and find someone else
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