Comments for Post #C27671

Mother's Indecision Stalls Our Nine-Year Relationship

F (27) | My boyfriend (29) and I have been together for almost 9 years, but his family’s indecisiveness is leaving us stuck. I don’t know what to do. There is something that has been on my mind for a long time, and I would really appreciate some unbiased advice. My boyfriend (29) and I (27) have been together for almost 9 years. We have been living together for some time now, and from the beginning, we had decided that we would get married only after we were financially stable and capable of giving ourselves a comfortable life. Today, both of us earn over ₹20 LPA individually and live in a metro city. We have built our careers and are finally at a stage where we feel ready for marriage. Last year, I told my parents about him. They met him, liked him, and everything went very smoothly. My parents have accepted our relationship. For some background, my family is financially well-settled and highly educated. My boyfriend’s background is different. His family is primarily involved in farming, and a significant part of his extended family still lives in their village. His father passed away around 15 years ago. Currently, his mother, who is a homemaker, and his younger brother live in a Tier-2 city. His brother has been preparing for a government exam for the last four years but has not yet secured a job. For years, my boyfriend has been asking them about their future plans. He has repeatedly suggested that they move in with him to the metro city because they are unnecessarily spending money on rent and other expenses in the Tier-2 city. These expenses are being covered by the family pension they receive every month, despite the fact that they already own a well-built house around 100 km away from where they currently live. However, his mother has never been able to make a clear decision. Whenever he tries to discuss his brother’s future, their living situation, or long-term planning, she either avoids the conversation or shuts it down entirely. My boyfriend has built everything in his life on his own. He did not take a single penny from his mother while establishing his career. Whatever he has today is purely through his own hard work. Now coming to marriage. This year, my parents started asking us to formally involve his family and arrange a meeting between both families. So, in March, my boyfriend told his mother about me. Initially, she simply listened and said, “I’ll think about it.” About a month later, when he brought up the topic again, she said that I belong to a different caste while they are from an upper caste, so there would be many differences. She also emotionally said that his late father will not be happy. My boyfriend calmly responded by asking her a simple question: “If you choose another girl for me, will you take responsibility for that girl and for the success of that marriage?” She had no answer and remained silent. The following month, she asked a few questions about me and my family, but once again ended the conversation with, “I’ll think about it.” Now it has been almost four months. She has neither said yes nor no. There has been no progress, no clear communication, and no indication that she intends to make a decision. Meanwhile, the owners of the rented house where she and his brother currently live are moving back, so they now have to vacate the property. Instead of considering moving into their own house, she is searching for another rental. What frustrates us is that, despite this situation, her immediate priority seems to be finding another rented house rather than discussing her son’s future or his marriage. It feels like every important decision is endlessly postponed. Another challenge is that my boyfriend doesn’t have any close relatives who can influence or convince his mother. The only person who possibly could is his maternal aunt, but they barely speak—perhaps once or twice a year. On the other hand, my parents keep asking when the families are going to meet. The truth is, even I haven’t met his mother yet because she has never agreed to take that step. At this point, we genuinely don’t know what to do. My boyfriend is mentally preparing himself for the worst-case scenario. If his mother ultimately refuses to accept our relationship, he has said he is willing to marry me even without his family’s presence or approval. He thinks very practically always. My parents, however, have a modern outlook. They have accepted our relationship wholeheartedly and would like us to have a proper wedding where both families are involved, if possible. I feel stuck between two families—one that is ready to move forward and another that won’t even give us a clear answer.