Comments for Post #C27663

Betrayed By Love, Battling Cancer, And Drowning In Loneliness

I don't know where to begin, but I think I need to tell my story because I feel like I'm drowning, and I genuinely don't know how to move forward anymore. I'm a 36 yr old woman. The last two years of my life have completely broken me, and I don't recognize myself anymore. A little over two years ago, I met someone I genuinely believed I would spend my life with. I loved him with everything I had. We were together for almost two years. We both were from different caste. I used to ask him difficult questions because I wanted certainty. He ways convinced me and begged me to stay and stay. But he couldn't stand up to his family. I wanted someone who would choose me despite the difficulties because I had already experienced so much loss in my life. I kept on telling him I don't want to waste my time. Please leave if you are not ready. But he never listened. One day I saw a text from his mom to buy a gift for a girl they have arranged for marriage. He just said.."ok mummy". And after a while he got married. My life in this time took a turn I never imagined. I was diagnosed with cancer. Within a very short period, my entire life changed. I underwent major surgery, chemotherapy, endless blood tests, scans, hospital visits, uncertainty, fear, and physical pain that I never knew existed. The surgery also meant that I could no longer have biological children. That realization broke a part of me that I don't think has ever healed. During chemotherapy, I lost my hair. I stopped recognizing the person in the mirror. Recently, I made the mistake of looking at an Instagram page he created with his wife. It has thousands of happy pictures together. Seeing that shattered me. He texted me on the day right before he was getting married saying "i love you i wish you were there beside me" and now all I see is his happy pictures with his wife. All I could think was that he got everything I wanted love, marriage, companionship, happiness, while I was left with cancer, infertility, grief, loneliness. To make things even harder, I have already lost my parents and my brother. I don't have a family to call when I break down. There are days when I realize there isn't a single person I can call and simply cry. I recently started a new job because I had to rebuild my life from scratch. On paper, it looks like I'm moving forward. Inside, I feel completely stuck. Every morning I tell myself today will be different. Every night I somehow end up thinking about him again. I keep asking myself questions that I know nobody can answer. Why wasn't I enough? Why wasn't I chosen? Why did life become so unfair? Did I do something so terrible that I deserved all of this? Was I really such a bad partner because I wanted reassurance and commitment? I wanted to believe that maybe someone else could choose me someday. But I couldn't continue. Each time I spoke to someone new I wasn't ready. Every conversation made me think the same thing would happen again—that they would eventually leave too. Now I feel like I've given up on love. I don't even know if anyone would want someone like me anymore. I'm 36. I've survived cancer. I can't have biological children. My hair is still growing back. My confidence has disappeared. The worst part isn't even missing him anymore. It's the loneliness. It's the unfairness. It's watching someone else live the life I dreamed about while I struggle just to get through another day. I don't necessarily want him back anymore. I just want the memories to stop hurting. I want to stop checking whether he's happy. I want to stop comparing my life with his. I want to stop crying over a chapter that has already ended. I'm writing this anonymously because I don't have anyone I feel comfortable saying all of this to. So I'm asking strangers: Has anyone ever come back from this? Have you ever survived losing the person you thought you'd marry, while also dealing with illness, grief, and loneliness? How did you stop revisiting those memories every single day? How did you rebuild your confidence when you felt completely broken? How did you stop believing that your entire future had already been decided? Please don't tell me to "just move on." If it were that easy, I would have done it already. I'm looking for real experiences from people who genuinely found a way back to themselves after believing they never would. Right now, I don't need false hope. I just need to know whether healing like this is actually possible.