Comments for Post #C27644

She needs to understand her family is her husband's family...six years have passed and she is yet to accept her husband

The reason why one should marry with the same social status, especially in India as the marriage is not just between 2 people. Relationships will always come with adjustments compromises etc etc, Being in love you would've definitely known about his family... Usually these issues will be seen in arranged marriages.

Once my grandfather and father were discussing about marriage of my cousin sister saying 'daughters should always be married off to a better home than ours'. Like others, I didn't understand it back then and was like what nonsense is this? But slowly understood it this is so true related to human behavior. If ur love in 'love marriage' is not enough to adjust to a new environment, ur lifestyle and materialistic things would take a toll and affect you. I am not blaming you, it's ur husband duty too to make sure he brings you and his family on the same level. But don't know whether ur complaint about lifestyle is justified or his concerns about his family is right.

You need to leave the mentality that you are a different "economical" class from him. You want to build a life with him so build it with a good will not with a thought that you two are different. That mentality won't take you anywhere.

Samajhdar ladka hai

Hi sis, before engagement itself, one needs to discuss lifestyle, finance, family dynamics, in- law boundaries, debts and liabilities, major purchases, career plans, argument rules etc. If issues arises after marriage, make sure the following things should not be given up at any cost- Financial Autonomy, career and job, support network , personal mobility, Basic Comforts

If you are already staying away from him, you know how to manage without him. Get out of toxic environment. If you have no kids your road to divorce is easy

Don't run away. Stay there, face it. Whatever you need to tell, tell upfront with whoever is concerned. You both don't fight for others. Learn to ignore petty things first

U should have checked the compatibility before marriage or at the time of love. May be if u feel no compromise then go for divorce and ur age is less and u can get any suitable person. But think that is it the only issue? May be this can be solved Bec ur hubby doesn't want to share it since they may be asking for money. If it is then it is his responsibilities to support and for that this action may not be appropriate.

You're saying your love marriage so before marriage both of you guys understand each and everything about families don't take much stressed because everyone can't handle but the strongest person can handle every situation like worst too worst situation handles not because of pressure just because of love you need to start understand his family what kind of behaviour they like do it not entire life just for few months atleast just try to save your marriage forgot about past where you belong too where you lived in Past just think you are the part of his family since from childhood just imagine everything when you you can deal with your mindset you never need to divorce nor heard gossiping about you because middle class family person is very supportive just like everyone have kind heart if you feel like your own home when you're comfortable talk to his family in nicely and welcoming way Okayy I hope this suggestion helps you to save your marriage God bless you 😇❤️ I hope you never leave your partner ☺️

Serparation is not the ultimate solution if you get separated then you will be happy for some years after that again you will need one companion... And yours is love marriage... Then go and talk to him clear the missunderstanding and pls keep patience marriage is not a joke... At the time of marriage ceremony both of you have taking oath of living together for rest of the life... Then why will you telling such things now.... I know quarrels happend in every family but those who have their patience to sought out that matters they live happily in the future also

Are you financially independent? Are you staying in a nuclear family? Are you sharing expenses+chores+child rearing equally? If yes then tell him to manage his own family and you manage yours. Why mix up or try to get involved with his family, when you have your own parents+siblings+other relatives.

In place of going and celebrating festivals with them , invite them to celebrate with you - you keep your ways while including theirs too . You never leave your home - it's yours . Men these days lack vision and have egos- don't expect he will come and 'manaofy' you. They haven't learnt that skill itself from their parents, applying is impossible. - ignorance is bliss in today's Indian marriages . If he doesn't want to explain to you his circumstances, why do you want to intrude ? - Be happy, he is saving you from some drama . Younger siblings can say any stupid stuff ,with their immature heads,let it not spoil your matrimonial bliss .

Be with your husband and enjoy every moment. Don't let your ego get in the way just because you're from the upper middle class. You'll realize in your 50s that life is all about compromise, patience, and finding joy in the little things.

Before judgement make sure ur having parents sister brothers jaise tumara hai family waise sab ka rehta

Have you ever thought about the kind of responsibility that he has. What is he asking from you? To maintain cordial relationships with his family. If someone says anything wrong about you, ignore that person and tell him about that behavior. Go back and get couple therapy. Good luck

Well, you knew his family situation when you were courting. While he should involve you in the decisions that he takes for his family, he would do so only if he feels he has a safe environment to discuss these things. If you want to save your marriage, you should do these things in my view: 1. Acknowledge his responsibilities towards his family. It's not his fault that he was born and raised in a lower middle class family. He is trying to fend for them along with his marital commitments. 2. Discuss and agree with him what is important expenditure and what is not (both on his family side and your side). 3. Consciously create a safe harbor so he automatically involves you in decision making. 4. Pushing him to a wall and making him choose between you and his family night have disastrous consequences. Men when pushed to a wall will make decisions. They may not be conducive to you. 5. Discuss. Talk talk. That's the only way. If you wanted only your husband and not his family you should have married an orphan

In a life circle we will face lot of problems The result is how we come from that.... Don't blame for lower middle or higher middle class .. the mutual understanding must be there to run the married life.. be positive and move forward to solve the issues with Ur loved one.. if U decided leave him it's up to U to decide and don't bring third person to solve it problems. Hope U understand. Good luck.

Who leaves for this silly reason? Ok let me tell you as a woman what I would have done. If he leaves, you too leave while speaking to your family. Also, to add a pinch of salt, just fake and tell your parents in front of him "did you receive the thing/money that I sent you" and leave the room. If you are not allowed to know his financial expenses, you too are not liable to inform him. Second, regarding sil gossiping ask him why did she say that and what are you going to do about it? If you can't do it, I'll ask her myself directly and you know that won't be good. Also regarding festivals, tell him ok we celebrate 1 festival at your home, 1 at mine and rest we celebrate at our home and call both sets of parents and siblings and their spouse. If only 1 main festival is there (say christmas) then this year you go to 1 family, next year go to the other family. Matter solved

Love is unconditionally blind before marriage. Love is conditional after marriage.

One thing! I am unable to understand or relate, why are all these things discussed before or prior to marriage or after engagement. Whether it's a love or arranged one, why the initial days we are so quiet about all these things. As it's very important to discuss these things or for that matter anything as trivial as it is, as marriage is for long/or life long. Now, I request you not to get into his family juggles, as long as, and unless and until you are both good in this marriage. These things he should come forward and tell you, not you forcing him to be. Take care and have a good day.

Tumko malum nahi tha kya about his situation? If he chooses not to tell you then let it be. Why are you confronting. There is a way to ask about anything. Fir bhi nahi batana toh chod do baat. Why are you taking it to your married life.

U r not behaving correctly , u r in more misunderstandings...better be in upper class and leave him, then u will come to know what is life and how to behave with people...

He is not doing anything wrong. He’s a responsible son doing what he is supposed to do. What do you do with your money?

Choices have consiquences

The lower middle class finds it nearly impossible to connect with the upper middle class, and vice versa. It’s my personal experience. For better health, get away and get married to your class people. ❤️

You already made a decision. Now all you gotta do is sit with him and decide to move forward as one or separate ways.. if divorce is inevitable, go for mutual

Only when addition why don't you work on bridging relation with your mother in law and other family members, once u have your own connection you won't feel left out, try to see through his periscope, most things are grey and they look black more or white more based on who is looking at it

Accha kia you left her for few days .... bechara mard hai high status biwi se bhi bajega or family se bhi .... Uska dard sunne wala koi nhi .... Kam se kam kuch din usko aaraam milega jab tak tum dur ho usse.

Tabhi bade buzurg bol ke gaye hai shaadi barabar ke status mein karni chaiye

You said that your husband is from lower middle class that.makes sense that his mother will call him up for money and other issues .. Shaadi karne se pehle sochna chahiye tha 😂 .. did not Yiu know that his economic status ..when uo left him and home . Apply 9fr divorce 😂

"I am tired of saving the marriage". You have already made up your mind.

Every lower middle class families have their problems. Being in a love marriage you should have known that , if not then you are a fool. Since you are from a much higher class, divorce him and marry a divorced 50 year old millionaire. You both will be happy

A boy supporting his family is the new problem for feminist

maayke me ich rah jute khaate taane sunte

Indian in laws have habit of interfering in their son's married life especially husband's sister & mother. They will do everything to make the woman in their son/ brother's life miserable and that would lead to frequent fights and in your case it was a love marriage. Your husband choose you,this will never go down well with his family especially the woman in his family. If you wish to continue your marriage stop been interested in your husband's family. Just be interested in the family you two would create. Let your husband take care of his responsibilities towards his family. Take it from me ,if your husband is not having a conversation with his family in front of you, it's for your own good. You won't be able to handle those conversation's. People coming from lower class background have very twisted upbringing & way of life. Make peace with it & ask your husband to not get influenced by what his sister or anybody else is saying if he wish to have a peaceful home.

What about his version of the truth ? How can we assume that what ever you said is gospel truth after everything the nation has witnessed ? After Atul Shubhash, after Ketan Agarwal after Blue Drum ?

Never ever go near to any lower middle class team, let alone getting married. The mindset is so low and they will drag you to thier level which someone with higher standards and status can't adapt to. If you can keep your husband with the standards, continue or give it up. Don't go and try to teach their family or family members, because the long term suppression made their mind to think in the poorest possible way.

अगर शादी से पहले कुछ खोज खबर ले लेती होती तो ये दिन देखना नही पड़ता ...लड़के भी क्यों शादी करते है अगर इतनी बोझ है पहले अपने काम पूरा करो फिर शादी करो

Divorce le lo....save ur life and his also

When he said ‘you wont understand’. He was bloody right. What you wrote shows that you dont understand him. He isnt asking you to deal with his famil. He is fighting his lone battle then why are you so eager to poke your nose into his family. Leave them alone. He deserves better.

Saavu

Divorce

Please connect in messenger

Better leave him alone..happy..Dont go to him again and torture.. U ll understand ur mistake in ur old age after ur parents demise...

Dear go back to your home don't left otherwise your husband will be poisonous against you. And try to ignore them focus on your relationship don't be bothered yourself these people want to leave this house then they forced your husband to file divorce

If the guy is not discussing his family issues with you is because i think your demeanor and behavior is of the upper middle class level.... Pls take this idea of upper n lower middle class &h1t out of your mind. Poor guy

Divorce him

Please divorce him. At least a man and one family will save from this upper middle class egoistic.

Sad, you have not accepted your husband's family stays and are proud of your upper middle class back ground. As a result you come across as insensitive to his family. Marriage is all about the two people. Wealth and status comes and goes. You are destroying your marriage and want advice from strangers !