Comments for Post #C27561

#C27561 Hello everyone, I'm 24 years old and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (my senior) for almost 2.5 years. I'm looking for honest opinions because I feel emotionally stuck and confused. When we were on the same campus, things felt good. We met almost every day, and even if we argued, being together usually made things better. In the beginning, he seemed caring, positive, emotionally mature, and very close to his family. He was especially caring during my periods, which made me feel loved and valued. However, after he graduated and left college, it felt like I was dealing with a completely different person. The care, affection, and positivity slowly disappeared. Whether I was stressed, upset, or on my period, I often felt like it didn't matter much to him anymore. One thing that has always bothered me is that I've never felt emotionally fulfilled in this relationship. Communication feels limited, and there has always been a lack of emotional and physical intimacy. I'm not talking only about sx. I mean affection, romantic conversations, emotional vulnerability, flirting, and closeness in general. At one point, I visited him and we stayed together in the same room. We slept in the same bd and cuddled. I kissed his shoulder and back a few times, but he never reciprocated. He didn't even kss me on the cheek. I wasn't expecting s*x, but the entire experience felt strange. Instead of feeling close to my boyfriend, I felt oddly disconnected. At one point, it genuinely felt more like I was lying beside a sibling than a romantic partner. When I later told him that I wanted more affection, emotional intimacy, and closeness, I felt judged rather than understood. He judged me by saying, "You look innocent from the outside, but inside you're something else." I even started wondering whether he might not be attracted to me because of how emotionally and physically distant he seemed. He said physical pleasure wasn't important to him and that he didn't believe in s*x before marriage. The thing is, int*macy isn't even the main issue. The main issue is the complete lack of emotional connection. The person I knew in the beginning and the person I know now feel completely different. Earlier, if I called once, he would answer immediately. Now I can call multiple times and get no response. He has also become very negative and suspicious of people and situations. Whenever I try to communicate my feelings, things become even more frustrating. I write long messages because I genuinely want us to understand each other and solve problems. Instead of addressing the issue, he'll often say things like, "Your messages gave me a fever," or "I got sick because of the stress." Arguments get dragged on for days. I spend hours explaining why I'm hurt, and he keeps saying he doesn't understand why I'm reacting so strongly. The frustrating part is that the same issues keep repeating because he doesn't seem to understand the root cause. Sometimes he only understands what I meant two or three days later, after I've already become emotionally exhausted. Over time, I've noticed changes in myself too. I used to be cheerful, outgoing, and easygoing. But during this relationship, I became increasingly anxious, frustrated, emotionally dependent, and isolated. I slowly stopped talking to friends and felt like I was constantly living in survival mode. Recently, I spent two weeks at home with my family, and for the first time in a long time, I felt peaceful. I felt lighter, happier, calmer, and more like myself. The bubbly version of me started coming back. That realization scared me because it made me wonder whether this relationship is one of the reasons I've been feeling emotionally drained for so long. The confusing part is that when I'm away from him and talking to him less, I feel more at peace. Yet I still can't seem to leave. Part of it is because he's loyal, part of it is because this is my first relationship, and part of it is because I know his family situation and sometimes feel responsible for him. Sometimes I wonder if I'm attached not to who he is now, but to the caring and affectionate person he was in the beginning. Maybe I've spent the last 2.5 years hoping that version of him would come back. Another painful truth is that whenever I've said "I love you," I don't think I've ever felt it completely from the bottom of my heart. Deep down, I know I'm not happy. What I don't understand is why, despite knowing that, I still can't seem to leave. Am I staying because I genuinely love him, or because I'm attached to the person I thought he was when we first met? I would genuinely appreciate honest opinions from people who have been through something similar. ❤️