Comments for Post #C27596

If you are torturing us in this confession without any dot or space... What u would have did to him...

Go for individual therapy for yourself and couple's therapy with your husband. Think hard and practically what do you want next for your life. Live in USA or go back to India? If you want to continue living within the USA for your daughter's shake, develop new dynamics in your marriage. Stop complaining and expecting anything from your husband emotionally. Instead focus your energy on improving yourself. Go to gym, start running/ walking. Do yoga and meditation. There are meditation practices which are amazing for changing the mental patterns. If you have access, do Happiness program from the art of living organization and then practice their Sudarshan Kriya everyday. I can not explain in words how much it can help you change your mind, give it a try.

Why would he come back to India if he gets citizenship?

If you wish for everything can be sorted...talk to a therapist and work on yourself...you can change yourself nd not others...so take the charge nd bring out the best version of yourself as a mother and as a wife. It will take some time but your husband will yours soon. Just have faith in yourself and Almighty.

Therapy and/or counselling may help you Try it for one last time and also take a break from each other and see how you both feel

As long as possible to repair the marriage..

Go for therapy. You might be struggling with anxiety that you are not aware of. My MIL is like you, it can be very damaging to relationships. She will try to coax and put pressure by repeating the same thing again and again to the point it becomes arguments. That's her pressure tactics. Or she might have some mental disorder that she is not aware of but it can really strain relationships. Go seek therapy for yourself and change yourself.

When you wanted to live in India from the beginning, you should not have married an NRI in the first place.

By 2030 ur child will grow up to repair u both .. Don’t worry

Don't think this is worth any apology because it feels like you are 2 different personalities. Ofcourse you can be less annoying but I don't think it'll help if he's emotionally checked out. You should just have an honest conversation about whether space and time will help him work on the relationship or not.

You need counselling to improve yourself. Find a genuine therapist and get clarity on yourself and the situation you are in.

Lots of (Most?) marriages go on without really loving each other if you become practical and know it's a financial, medical, survival partnership. I think very few couples can stand each other once they have been together for 15-20 years😛: men and women are really that different. Now you have 2 options: if you want to remarry after divorce, your daughter might not get that fatherly love and support. Remarriage with a kid is extremely difficult and usually very unhappy for both spouses. You'll have to take that into consideration. If you don't want to remarry and earn well yourself, what's the haste? Keep your emotions in check and let your daughter get the best support and best education as long as your husband stays. If he never initiates divorce, why should you? Read "Meditations" by Marcus Aurilius, practice Stoicism and live financially, practically well.

It's not that you are a bad person but you and him are incompatible. Your nature makes it difficult for your partner to live in peace. And maybe the same will follow later on with your child too. Please fix yourself for a better life. See a counsellor.

You keep asking how long to give him space, but have you considered that he’s already spent almost 10 years giving you space, patience, chances, and understanding? Your entire post is centred on your feelings, your anxiety, your desire to move to India, your apologies, and your hope to save the marriage. What about the emotional exhaustion you put him through? You admit you repeatedly pressured him about relocating, shouted when he corrected you over small things, became consumed by rituals while neglecting your responsibilities, and ignored his concerns until he finally broke. An apology doesn’t erase years of emotional wear and tear. Saying “I’m trying now” doesn’t undo nearly a decade of him asking for change while being ignored. People don’t emotionally check out overnight, they do it after countless failed attempts to be heard. You also keep downplaying your actions with statements like “he was technically right” or “I wasn’t completely at fault.” That’s not taking accountability. That’s still trying to soften your responsibility. You cannot expect someone to spend years begging for change and then suddenly become enthusiastic because you’ve finally decided to work on yourself. Sometimes people simply reach a point where they have nothing left to give. The harsh reality is that this marriage may already be over, not because you made mistakes, but because those mistakes were repeated for years despite him communicating how they affected him. Respecting his decision is probably the first real sign of change you can show. If he chooses to leave, accept that your actions had consequences instead of asking strangers how to convince him to stay.

If the confessor wanted to stay in India then why did she decide to go abroad? Did the confessor figure out how many years will it take for her husband to get a green card? Why did the confessor not discuss about staying in India when the opportunity to shift abroad came up? As per confession start they moved to US after marriage. So I believe that her husband was working in India when they got married. If he was already in US then why did the confessor not discuss about staying in India before marriage?

He is right, You deserve this

Arre bahan yeh galti kabhi mat karna, ager tum sudharne ki raah pe gayi to voh banda tumhe apni life se makhi ki tarah nikaal dega. Kyun voh tumhare jis roop se dar ke tumko telerate kar raha tha, hamesha ussi roop main raho varna sab kuch kho dogi. I believe yeh uski kismat hai ki usse tum mili. mager tumhari kismat hai ki tumko ek understanding pati mila. do not play around with your kismat.

You need therapy. Your husband needs happiness.

Divorce him.... Marry Trump. His 36 Guna are matching with yours!

Which state are u from ? connect on DM , we shall discuss further !

Why did you go there in the first place, if you want your marriage to work ..take therapy...n try n talk only sensible talk with him, that also minimum...pls don't argue with him...and if you don't want to separate, remember you are to be blamed and try.maximum to change yourself

I am shocked with this English how are you surviving in USA? If US can tolerate you then I hope somehow your husband will manage.

A marriage needs 2 people. If one has already moved on emotionally ( which seems here ), better you understand it and leave him in peace . Sometimes mistakes made have no solutions just regrets. Heal them .

It's very clear he has an affair and wants to marry someone else after divorce

Before reacting think twice. If you want to stay there with your husband show in your behaviour and action rather than taking all blame on yourself. As a psychologist I can see a number of things that are bothering you.Staying away from family is one of the reasons. You need few counselling sessions. Feel free to connect with me through WWW.STEER-U.COM I am also sharing link of free therapy tips. You may like to read tips on conflicts / relationship https://www.steer-u.com/psychological-counselling/free-therapy

You need healing and therapy..kindly connect for free consultation

U my dear is going through severe anxiety disorder ,u need proper medication and psychological counseling, but do u your husband deserve to bear all this with you ??i dont think so I am a bpd patient ,rtnow m in my maniac phase hence I am putting forth my views ,I few month or week I will be in depression again ,I cant control it ,hence I am a loner ,I dont want anyone to suffer with me You can do that as well ,do a job ,take care of your kid ,get proper medication and counseling, go to a support group if u want and let him go

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Stop taking the entire blame on yourself, it takes two to tango. Your husband also made a promise that he will consider returning to India by 2030 to which he has completely gone back now showing your behavior as an excuse. You are not the only one to blame here clearly, you are just transparent and outspoken and you have been taken for a ride. Your husband will not allow any discussion by hanging the knife of separation around your neck. You can either choose to go his way and save your marriage or listen to your heart at the cost of losing your marriage. There is no middle path for this as your husband is completely rigid and not ready to take even a single step for your sake. He cares nothing about the marriage, sorry to say, but that's the reality. Stop being guilty for your honesty, that's the price an Indian woman pays for treating herself as an equal partner in her marriage. Clearly, your life is at his mercy, both for coming back to India and also in retaining your marriage.

Being honest you do not want to accept your wrong you have come here for validation some one will say go move out you deserve better. You need someone to blame. Tust me if you go therepy you will give hard time to that person.

Have to commend the tolerance of your husband 🤣 If I had a wife like you, I would've kick her out a long time ago.

I once refused to marry someone with these exact same traits. Your post makes it seen I made the righgt decision - But now coming to your issue - Good News: Your marriage can be repaired. Bad News: Your main issues are not your marriage. Good News: They can be at least managed over time if not cured completely. Bad News: It's gonna be a Veerrryy long and tough road. - Now Lemme Guess this Good News/Bad News is also something that has been a pattern of your marriage isn't it? And probably why your husband is emotionally exhausted by now. He seems like a stable, patient dude, and I'm glad he hasn't let the roller coaster affect is professional stability. But your cure doesn't simply lie in hankering him. It lies in a multitude of solutions starting from expert intervention for mutual cognizance - Counseling is most common, but this may be a case of PD-HI. People will ask u to consult a 'Therapist'and trust me, it won't completely work. It may be a starting point but without addressing the core issue mentioned above counseling won't work - Completely or Long term. If you choose to DM, I shall be happy to guide you (as it is sensitive advice and can be misused on a public forum). Else, I hope you understand more about the core issue mentioned above and it helps. ATB.

Why are you blaming yourself? Your husband lied to you, is not in mood of going back and if your child is US citizen then he wont even allow you to take the child to India with you with or without divorce. You are stuck and its not your fault alone. Your husband will keep on threatening you with divorce now and crush your confidence. Either build an independent life in USA where you do not need his emotional support or go back to India( it possible with your child and restart a life) he cannot be complaining and crushing your personality for the rest of your life for a decision that was mutual and he failed to comply with

First, you dont have a job and constantly nag your spouse. He should just divorce a fool like you and remarry again! you go back and sit in your parents house in India! Go and live off your parents and nag them. You’re such a burden ! 

The mistakes are not all yours....he took you in a foreign country, against your wishes, and even reneging on returning back now.... Why did he have a baby if he didn't want a married life and wanted to get rid of you, bcoz he says nature doesn't change and he is talking as if he knew it well in advance everything; a nerd? it's a usa cultural problem, he has lost his roots and got influenced by too much divorce and casual mariages around, so you are right he should return back in 2030, if he goes back on this deadline again, you return back, leave him alone to suffer..... And don't be a fool to be over dependent, that wil only make matters worse, earn money or start savings, so that by 2030 you hv enough to live as u wish in India.

Nothing wrong with you. You are made to believe you are wrong. You have to leave your husband focus on urself he better pay you good alimony since he checked out n now blaming you and Stopppppp saying you are wrong pls stop saying you are wrong. If u are clumsy he can pick up the spoon how hard is it instead of whining. do good job on urself n be a baddie