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Comments for Post #C27485
Submit ConfessionGender: Male16 June 2026 at 2:36 pm
#C27485 Admin please post this confession. 39M married and father of two children, working in the IT industry. I am writing this confession to pour out my frustration about my family life and career. Sorry for the long post. Both of my parents were government school teachers and are retired and now nomore. I have a younger brother who is married and settled. Unfortunately, we have conflicts related to a property dispute, and the case is currently pending in court. Recently, I met one of my school friends who was a topper in our +2 board examinations. Although we had healthy academic competition, we were also very close friends. Back then, there were no smartphones or social media, so we eventually lost contact. We were both very happy when we recognized each other after so many years. We went to a nearby coffee shop and had a long conversation. That conversation became the trigger for writing this confession. He told me that he has also been working in IT in Singapore for many years. Recently, he was laid off from a company where he had worked for more than four years. Although he received offers from other companies, he decided to take a three-month break before joining a new one. During that break, he traveled extensively, explored new places, and completed several courses to improve his skills. Even now, he still has one month of his break remaining before joining his new company. When I asked about his marital status, he told me he was happily single. I was shocked and asked why he had never married, especially since he was approaching 40. He laughed and said, "Family life is expensive. I'm not ready to work until death just to run and fulfill a family while giving up my personal space and mental peace." He then said, "Over the years, I have earned well, purchased properties, and accumulated enough savings to retire even now. However, I want to work for another five years, return to India, and retire at 45. I don't want to work for anyone after that." He told me that he wanted to spend his retirement traveling, exploring new things, and living a happy and healthy life. I was surprised by how clearly he had planned his future. Until then, I had never seriously thought about my own retirement or long-term goals. He had not only planned everything but had successfully executed his plans. I asked him, "If you remain single, who will take care of you in your old age?" He laughed and replied, "There are plenty of retirement communities, old-age homes, and support organizations. All you need is a healthy bank balance." He then asked me, "How confident are you that your children will take care of you when you are old?" He continued, "Whether they are your own children or someone else, if you expect people to care for you, financial security matters. Without it, nobody can guarantee support." He also spoke about how many people from the 80s and 90s generation still think with the mindset of a time when one dollar was worth around ₹45. He believes that economic realities have changed drastically and will continue to worsen over the next decade. According to him, the lifestyle our parents followed—marrying early and having two children—may not work the same way between 2026 and 2035. He feels that more people will choose to remain single rather than enter family life due to inflation and giving priority to personal space and mental health. He also pointed out that when our children grow up, they may be forced to work harder due to inflation and increasing commitments, leaving them with less time to care for aging parents. He emphasized that the period between 4 and 15 years of experience in the IT industry is crucial. During those years, professionals should focus on growing their careers and maximizing their earning potential. He said, "We have to learn to live for ourselves first. Self-love and self-care are important. We must make our own life decisions and accept the consequences, whatever they may be." Before leaving, we connected on various social media platforms. After meeting him, I spent time going through his Instagram and LinkedIn profiles. To be honest, I began to feel like a failure. I realized that I had never truly lived for myself. I have always been controlled by others—first my parents and now my wife. My parents raised me in a very strict environment. They decided what I should study, where I should study, and even when and whom I should marry. Looking back, I feel many of those decisions were driven by their desire to maintain a certain reputation among relatives and friends. After marriage, I feel that my wife gradually took over that role. Whenever I ask for some personal time or space for myself, arguments follow. She often says that the children are more important than my personal needs. When I didn't want a second child, my parents, my wife, and even her family pressured me into having another baby. They argued that siblings would provide emotional support for each other in the future. My wife said that since she was also working, we could easily manage the additional expenses. However, she lost her job in 2024. Despite trying for six months, she couldn't find another one. Now she indirectly says she would prefer to stay home, take care of the family, and start a home-based business. She is asking me to take a loan of 25L to support her business ideas. People often say that having two children helps them support each other in the future. But my own experience tells a different story. My brother and I were extremely close before marriage, yet today we are fighting a legal battle and become rivals. I always believed that marriage, raising children, celebrating family milestones, playing cricket, going to movies and trips with friends, and discussing our children's progress with other parents were what gave life meaning. But lately, I feel as though I have simply copied the life my parents lived and followed the path taken by many of my colleagues, without ever asking myself what I truly wanted. After speaking with my friend, I realized that I never lived for myself. I never had personal space. I know I cannot simply walk away from my responsibilities, but I sometimes feel trapped in a cycle that I did not consciously choose. Retirement feels like a distant joke. I feel as though I must keep chasing money for the rest of my life to secure my children's future, constantly sacrificing my own happiness. Neither my parents nor my wife have ever truly respected my need for personal space. During the most important phase of my IT career—the 4 to 15 years of experience period—I focused heavily on family responsibilities instead of career growth. Looking back, I feel that decision has hurt my long-term prospects. But my friend wisely used these period to secure his future. Every day, I read news about layoffs in the IT industry. As the sole breadwinner of my family, that uncertainty scares me. My friend believes that companies will continue reducing headcount over the next few years and advised me to plan accordingly. We are the same age, yet he looks five years younger than me. Perhaps it is because he has taken better care of himself over the years, something I neglected my personal health while focusing on family responsibilities. Today, my friend, who carefully planned his life and made his own decisions, is preparing for early retirement and a life of freedom. Meanwhile, I feel like someone who has spent his entire life following decisions made by others and is now stuck in an endless cycle of responsibilities. Sometimes, I even wonder whether remaining single would have been a better choice. Family life increasingly feels like a burden on my personal freedom and mental well-being. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts and perspectives. Thank you in advance.
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Comments (37)
He is jealous of your fulfilling family life, so much that he is pushing his lifestyle onto you to prove desperately that he is happier. Trust me, had he been so secured, he would been happy for you, and celebrating your life too, alongwith celebrating his. The fact that you feel a failure this is how much negatively your friend has affected you, block him and keep living your life Comparison is a thief of joy.
This is your destiny. Everyone is born with their own destiny. Family and kids bring immense happiness and emotional stability. You are blessed. Loneliness is an endemic in the west. Just be happy and grateful for everything you have. Take out time for yourself as the kids grow older. Would you like to come home to an empty house everyday? Ask yourself. You'll get your answer. Not everyone is happy to live alone. And lastly do not count on your kids to take care of you in your older years. Live one day at a time.
Halka Mon – Your Safe Space To Be Heard
Stop measuring your journey against someone else’s highlight reel. Every person carries battles you know nothing about. Trust the flow of life, hold onto your values, and embrace the beautiful uncertainty of what tomorrow holds. The richest chapters of your story may still be waiting for you in your 60s.
If u can’t be happy with whatever u have, u can’t never be happy with whatever u get- this is what is happening in ur life! Stop comparing and complaining! The other side of the bank is always green but understand the difficulties! Ur friend who is unmarried chose to be single cos of his requirements, he doesn’t know what’s family love is about! At the end of the day, u will be happy for whatever reasons but he will have a void gap. And abt ur family life- you must take calls! Best luck
If he suddenly dies who will get his properties?
Always remember a thing, the other side looks always greener, live the moment and what your heart says, as you said you have been copied yout parents, collegues lifestyle and done marriage, childrens etc, now after conversation with a friend you trying to copy his lifestyle, in next chapter another friend / collegue will come and say their lifestyle and you may think that also best, to be frank one is best than another one and it's goes on, plan little look up few steps and go in flow, if you look 1000 steps and planned means it will surely failed out..
First of all whatever you are feeling is valid … It happens … many people feel the same. In your scenario you now need to take few steps as to change your present and that would be as per me Talk to your spouse about your feelings take her out on a date just the two of you and talk … don’t think ki kids hain ye hai wo hai call her parents to take care of them for few hours and if your kids go to school go on a lunch date rather. But Talk and make her understand …. Don’t feel bad to take out time for yourself … everyone deserves even your wife also does … so individually also go out often and as a couple also go often. Plan a family trip once a year. Ask your wife to start earning again and take loan herself to pursue as you can’t take loan as of now. Either she will drop the idea of business or if she genuinely wants to do business she will do the job … so you tell her to take stand for herself and you are there to support with kids and household in case she needs. Don’t compare your life to his just try to change your present things and carve a better future.. it’s never to late to live if you are breathing 😊
Common grow up pls! Firstly everyone has a perspective about life and you seem to have got influenced to the core. Being single or having a family has its own pros and cons. It all depends on what you need in life. Have clarity for yourself and don’t let others influence your values. Trust your consciences.
Now again u r planning to live life someone else projected as successful and life made out of choices, as your own idea. I know these kind of feelings comes esp. around your age where youthfulness is long gone but mentally we have not moved on with that age. Your current distress is not about ur marriage and your burden but ur complete loss of autonomy and agency. You are comparing highs of his life with lows of ur life, and being very biased about it . Now instead of asking "Did I choose the wrong life?", ask "What changes can I make now to reclaim control over the life I have?" The most actionable concern in your post is financial and career resilience. Focus on skills, savings, health, and boundaries rather than replaying irreversible decisions. Freedom is not only the absence of responsibility; it is also the ability to make meaningful choices within responsibility.
You can live the way your friend mentioned after the age of 45. Nothing stops you. Just plan from now your retirement. After 50 you will have your life you wanted and also the family around you which your friend will be missing and will look out in retirement homes. It’s just there are various paths in life, each having its pros and cons. But nothing can beat the laid path by generations.
You friend is someone who hasnt shared the sugar in his life. Till the time he doesnt taste the sigar, he will not know that its sweet in taste. He may call it bitter, sour, spicey as he hasnt tasted it. Similarly, he hasnt married nor has had a child of his own to understand the meaning of companionship, true father love for child. Its a blessing to have a child, hold him/her in your hands. Its a blessing when the child looks up to you infering that you are his super hero. There is no guarantee about life. Your friend may die tomorrow on road due to stroke or anything. Who will come to his aide. Its the wife and kids who will stand by his bedside. And let me tell you, these old age homes etc etc people illtreat old people like anything. They are not dependent on your bank balance, they get major funding from other sources. Once you are old enough to lose your cognitive functions, they would tie you to bed with timely interval of checking on you. With family its different
Grass is always greener on the other side. Also, every single person is different. Some find peace living alone or with pets, some find satisfaction in giving back to the society in every way possible, some other might even go on the spiritual path and find their meaning of life. Family life is binding and gruelling and very tough at times but some people yearn for it - for a stable home, kids, a partner. Shouldering family responsibilities doesn’t mean that you cannot look after yourself. Just an hour a day would do wonders to your confidence. Just introspect. Everyone reaches their milestone at a different time.
It seems like you’re going through a mid-life crisis, however early it is. Please do not take any drastic decisions. It would be wise to take the advice of someone, a psychologist perhaps. Going to therapy will help you find a way out of this rut.
I think you are fixed in your mind that family is a pressure. Because family is there, you are responsible. The same friend in his 60s will be seeing this world differently where you will look like you have achieved more than him. And don't expect kids to take care of you. If you grow your kids responsible and good, they will do their things properly. I don't know how to put it, but your thinking is wrong. This is just early 40s problem. :)
Can you look at your children and say I wish I hadn’t had you? No right? The amount of love and joy they bring can’t be bought. Them looking after you shouldn’t be an expectation but raise them well and they’ll take the best care of you. You don’t know if your friend has gone through your insta profile and must’ve felt his life was lonely. Our parents raised us without IT jobs and so can we if we lose them some day.
What’s done is done past is past leave it all in God’s Hands
What your wife did about taking a second child against your wish, losing her job, asking 25l for her business all these had created an added frustration to your life. Apart from these, the entire thing sounds so familiar. Trust me bro.. this is the same life one of my uncles decided to live when he was in his 30s. He worked as a senior journalist in a renowned news channel, very popular by face. He was handsome as you said,well maintained so as to look like 30s in his 40s, travelled almost all across the world, enjoying a single life and the worst part is he poked my father , my other uncles right in front of us playfully as if my father and his other brothers have committed a crime marrying and raising kids. Today that uncle is almost 78 ,still looking like 60s though, handsome according to his age. He definitely has a good bank balance. He most of the time visits our house, gets gifts for us, out of gratitude because when he was sick we visited the hospital, did the paperwork , got him food after discharge.. Today he is the same person saying my father is so lucky to have a wholesome family with two daughters, their husbands and grandchildren. Sometimes when we people are spending a small family time , he wishes to join us though hesitant specially on Durgapuja, diwali, poila boisakh. He keeps on telling how he feels lonely and wants us to visit his home to celebrate these festivals. Cutting it short, my whole point is you can't skip aging if you are alive. Everything is cool and colourful as long as you are in your prime time and young. Money can't buy you a family..At some point of time your friend will be left with loneliness though he might not admit then.
Tbh I reconnected with a friend who was academically a failure but now owns maybe $200M+ and no kids. I am happily married with two beautiful kids. I am constantly worried about them and our future and work hard. But I won’t trade this for anything. People seek different things in life. Be responsible and content is all I can say. And best of luck to all these millionaire buddies. I wish them the mars 😂
Not true. I won’t envy the lifestyle he has at all. Any amount of money or comfort will not equal the happiness I get when I am with my child. So it depends on each person.
Why don't you ask your friend to refer you for a job. And for your wife also.
Jo tumko ghar ks tasty khana milta hai Vo use ghar jakar banana psdta hai Jo tumhare kids tumhe pyaar se hug karte hai vo koi nahi uske pass Dont compare wid anyone. Enjoy what you have.
Dear whatever u have,millions of people want that. U r blessed with kids,family life. Staying single is not every body’s cup of tea. Just relax and enjoy family life . Everybody bring their luck and who knows ur kids or wife luck is favouring u in best possible way.
Oh I want to give a long reply but lazy to type. But ur friend is not completely correct. In fact u r more in the right in this.
Asli sukh parivaar hi hai ☺️ . He is just jealous and nothing
What you're feeling is valid, but remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Try to focus on the good things in your life like your beautiful children, the memories you've built, and the family you've created. Comparing your life to someone else's will only lead to resentment. If you're having issues with your wife, talk to her about them. Try to make your current life more fulfilling instead of fantasizing about an entirely different one.
It is very difficult to have a good life with one person's income and children are expensive as hell. Your feelings are valid
You are in mid life crisis .. take a break for your space needs and you will appreciate more of what you have ... Don't feel like a victim it's not going to solve any problems.... You can be a family man as well as have individual interests... Financially you are definitely down at the moment compared to your friend,but consider your life as high risk high reward ... Whatever your kids will achieve you get that satisfaction of being supportive for them to achieve those... He has taken as a low risk low reward life... He may have lots of money but later he might miss having given his time to bring up younger generation.... Whatever, you are already in mid of a path ... So just try to include what you are missing and don't measure life with pure finances ..
Agree with you having two kids is not easy at current situation and global economy .you cannot change anything now since you are 39 you have 6 more golden years to plan your future.speak to your wife build it.After 45 we will not be strong enough to learn new skills.
Maybe you are right but don't panic I thought ur wife was the main reason not spending quality time with you discuss about that but don't show ur neediness I never saw this much of women's comments over here Advising men to grow up don't compare this is what the thing they do lot more than men if men failed to spend quality time on women imagine how ruthlessly they speak From Now itself care for yourself first then the family next Go to play somewhere , plan to travel somewhere with friends Do anything scheduled
How do you say family life is wrong. It is based on how you run it. You are blessed with family. Whether you run or you obey it's different. This concept can work in Singapore and not in india as of now.
So true man! Whatever your friend said, it makes sense
Same post in multiple forums. Clearly a cooked up one
Read the same post elsewhere! What are you trying to gain by posting this again and again on social media? The grass is always greener on the other side! Stop comparing your life with his.
Repeated post
Your friend is a fool who fooled you as you are another big fool He is he, he flooded you, influenced and distracted you wrongly, typical smart ppl, who just eulogised what they have, and do not talk about what they don't have You have several things and experiences and achievements which he doesn't have. He is even unemployed, nobody to take care of him, finance is not everything..... What your parents taught you and why you have a job and succesfull family, is owing to them...nothing is wrong, you want to now suddenly forget you are a family man. Mixing your leisure and growth with burden of family and world of responsibilities. That sums up everything you said. Without neglecting latter , you can increase the leisure and personal growth, that's what family can give you, affer children are grown up and settled.....so you can have best of both worlds, which your friend missed and cannot have, pity him (& tell him this, to see the reaction; poor guy)
Ok here comes the bitter reality.. you have actually entered a one way. Now you gotta raise your children and that cannot be compromised. But thats not your responsibility alone.. your wife has equal responsibility in that. Let her go to work and may be you can save one of the salaries for kids future. Secondlt, There is no point comparing with others. You have built your own identity. You are unique. It looks like suddenly you woke up from deep sleep.. actually many people realize very late. I would suggest you to stop following his social media accounts as it is triggering you greatly. And yes - focus on your health. Hit the Gym. Also - you are actually entering middle age crisis. Its better late than never - You can still focus on your career. If he retires at 45 - doesnt mean whole world should retire at 45. As long as you are doing ANYTHING that makes you happy, YOU ARE LIVING !!! Its Okay! Be happy! Smile 😃 😊
wo tumhara haramkhor woke dost, gandu jab kisi vridhashram mein akele marta rahega, wo bhi aisa ek lamba chauda confession dalega....tumhara kahani bata kar. Aise woke madarch*do ke baaton mein kabhi mat aana