Comments for Post #C27460

#C27460 It’s going to be a long story. So skip to end for TLDR. But I genuinely need advice and ways to make my marriage work. I am literally begging here. So background is I was in a committed long distance relationship for 4+ years with my current wife (married a few months now). During the relationship there was a guy (let’s name him X) who used to bother me as he definitely had feelings for my then gf and we had multiple fights over that guy. But all that while I wanted to make things work and just let my gf know that this bothers me and moved on. And in some later fights, she kind of assured me that she is taking care of things at her end wrt X. And I just said I believe if you say so despite having my suspicions. Our marriage also had almost 1 year discussion between parent as it was not an outright yes. All this while whenever X’s topic came. She was like everything is almost finished and will be zero anyway after getting married. During that 1 year, after around 7-8 months, I did some pre marital tests and it rose issues related to fertility for me. And though I was not sure; but I shared everything related to this with my gf. And though she was shocked, and understandably so (she always wanted kids). She was very supportive during that time. This was strictly between the two of us and we never shared this with parents. I felt greatly indebted to her for this as I knew how much these things meant for her and it just felt like she is choosing me despite all of these issues. We had our Roka done just a few days before getting married and apparently she informed X about getting married after that. All hell broke loose, and X went to her house, threatened to die and even showed up once in front of me asking me to cancel the wedding (just a few days before). All these while, I asked my gf for what exactly she wanted and she always said, she is not sure about getting married but she always assured me that I am the one she wants to marry. And also during our relationship as well, she always said she will get married to me only. She also assured that she is someone who takes marriage seriously and will take it till end once married. We had a great wedding and first few days after wedding were quite good. But a few days after my wedding, I saw on her phone that she is still talking to X. And that too full of msgs of loving him, missing him, and how her life is empty without him and she is everything because of him. I confronted her and she was like her whole life has changed so she has this missing feeling and she wanted to talk. I told her that she needs to stop talking to X and atleast don’t portray that she is sad because with me she was all happy wife and in front of him she was showing that her life is hell. Few days later, I kind of checked her phone. Her chats, her secret Insta accounts and everything. I found out that she never stopped talking to X , and even more she was kind of In a relationship with him. And I was more like a situationship. She went to trips with him, also saw some kissing videos and also some photos and videos which looked like hotel rooms. And all of it was happening even like till last month of my wedding. It broke me completely. I confronted her again and the whole topic was just about me checking her phone ans nothing about what she has done. I spent one whole day fighting about this, trying to get clarity on what was she thinking or what she wanted. And she was like she was forced into getting married and she did not want to get married at that time. She still maintained that she would have married me only but just needed some time to close things with X. And mind this, it was years for which she was telling me that there is nothing of such sort between them. Somehow, in the end she was like she still wanted our marriage to work and did agree to stop talking with X. But I still couldn’t stop checking her phone and kept finding more and more evidences of her lying to me. All the instances where I had suspected her to be with X were true where she had simply lied to me. Even after asking. And even more which I did not even figure out as I was just believing what she was saying. (Eg, going with parents, will be late from office etc) So, here I am writing this, to get help on what should I do here? I still want this marriage to work. What should I do? What boundaries should be set? What discussion should I have with my wife? I want to give it one last shot before I quit. And I want it to be the right calculated shot. I can’t mess this up. TLDR, married gf of 4 years, realized my relationship was actually a situation ship after wedding. She has relationship with someone else and was still continuing contact with that person. Still want this to work.