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Comments for Post #C27453
Submit ConfessionGender: Male14 June 2026 at 12:27 pm
#C27453 Hi everyone, I’m a 32-year-old man living in Germany. My wife and I had an arranged marriage around 3 years ago. I’m posting anonymously because I’m genuinely confused and would like outside perspectives. My side Before marriage, I wasn’t deeply in love, but I thought attraction and love would grow with time. For the first 1.5–2 years, our married life was relatively normal. We spent time together and had intimacy, although we argued quite a bit. Over the last 2 years, something changed. I gradually lost s*xual attraction and emotional connection toward my wife. Maybe because of her personality mismatch. We have had intimacy only a handful of times in the last 1–1.5 years. I don’t hate her. In fact, I think she’s a kind, caring, family-oriented person with a good heart. I don’t want to hurt her. I respect her as a human being. The problem is that I don’t feel like her husband anymore. I also feel that our personalities and expectations are very different. I’m highly career-focused and practical, while she values emotional reassurance and relationships much more. We often misunderstand each other. When we’re just talking casually or as friends, we can get along well. But when we interact as husband and wife, our conversations often become arguments, emotional pain, or discussions about past incidents. I feel guilty because she’s suffering, and I don’t want to waste her life. I’m actively helping her build her career by supporting her SAP training and trying to help her find a job in Europe so that she can become financially independent. My wife’s side (as I understand it) She feels lonely and emotionally rejected in the marriage. She says she wanted love, affection, priority, acceptance, protection, and emotional closeness from her husband. Instead, she feels that I often focused more on practical things than on making her feel loved. She believes I didn’t publicly make her feel valued enough and that certain comments and incidents over the years deeply hurt her confidence. She also feels that because of repeated emotional hurt, she became frustrated, irritable, and sometimes obsessed with past issues. She has apologized for some of her behavior and says she wants to give the relationship one honest last chance. Major problems between us * Constant conflicts and misunderstandings. * Different expectations from marriage. * Very little intimacy over the last couple of years. * My loss of attraction toward her. * Her feeling emotionally neglected and lonely. * Mutual resentment from past incidents. * Family pressure and fear of divorce stigma in Indian society. Additional context We are currently living apart temporarily because she is in India completing an SAP course and I am in Germany. She has sometimes checked my browser history and old messages, which led to more arguments and mistrust. Recently, both of us discussed whether we should give the marriage one final honest chance before making any permanent decision. My biggest dilemma I genuinely care about her welfare. If we separate, she may have to return to India, face social stigma, and rebuild her life. That thought makes me feel extremely guilty. At the same time, I’m afraid that staying in a marriage where I no longer feel emotionally or sexually connected could also be unfair to her. I don’t want to keep someone in a marriage out of pity or guilt. My questions 1. Does this sound like a marriage that can realistically recover? 2. Is loss of attraction after years of conflict something that can come back? 3. Am I confusing guilt with love? 4. Would staying together because of social pressure and fear of hurting her be kinder—or would it ultimately cause more pain? 5. If you were in our position, what would you do? Please be honest. I’m not looking for validation. I’m trying to make the most ethical decision for both of us.
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Comments (27)
That's not even my problem, the problem is that the Distance between Egypt and Israel is about 613 Km, but it took Moses and the Israelites 40 years to complete their Journey. On the average each day, they walked 43 metres!. Yes 43 meters almost half of what Usain Bolt was doing in 5 seconds. "I just wish Moses was alive to explain this kind of laziness!"
This sharing reminds me of ‘Men are from Mars and women are from Venus’ by John Grey. How intelligent that man would have been to write such a masterpiece. Now your question: Yes your marriage very much has a chance to survive and grow, provided you are willing to put in the effort and energy it requires. I am saying this based on what I have understood about you from your sharing. I do not know your partner and I do not know how much she is willing to make it work. But you seem to be a genuine person and all that is required is this in this relationship. Respect, concern and sincerity. If you both have these attributes, you can surely ignite love as well. All the very best!
Halka Mon – Your Safe Space To Be Heard
Try staying separately for 6-8 months....by then u will both have more clarity about this and the way forward
You want working wife , but she is homemaker which you are thinking like she is eating all your earnings...keep in mind that more than money relationship with our people is important
Before you write a long long long five kms post about wife ...complaining her and about her personality ... why don't you talk with her and solve and behave like a normal person to her.... simple
More questions! When there were conflicts, how did you respond? Were they resolved? Or brushed under the rug? When she felt emotionally unseen, was any changes made to address that? Did she communicate where she felt neglected? What did she do that suddenly caused you to lose attraction and desire? Or is it that intimacy is something you've always struggled to do and this is your body's way of coping with that? Maybe learning in depth about insecure attachments like the Avoidant and Anxious styles will give you a lot of clarity.
Why you did not asked this question before you got married What are your expectations from partner and marriage?
Try to love her in her love language. And communicate your love language to her. Put in conscious effort to act like a team.
Ethical Decision? You guys should both grow up, you seem to be stuck, life got stagnant, just live seperately for a couple of years, maybe that brings growth, which will bring lot of things to hold on to.... Secondly you seem to be too much thinking from a womens perspective, never do that, they are finicky if not frivolous, you will end up nowhere......never base your life on her perspective, that's the real problem in your case.... Live life your way 100% , shun her views and expectations, and don't take whatever she says as gospel truth.....you will see this itself will reverberate and change her personality towards better.....you natural and joyous will be contagious!.....
People like u deserve emotionally unavailable person as spouse then you will know the value of that person. I am 100% sure you’re a money minded person and mostly bring money into every conversation. I hope she divorce u and takes half of what u hv then shayad akal tikaane a jaye before ruining someone else’s life.
U r problem. Your wife is good.
Go on a vacation and have lots of sex. Then comeback and think.
Thoda sa padh liya pata chal Gaya problem ap me h wife me nhi ab pura padhne ki himmat nhi h 🙈
Just curious.... what did she find on your browser 🤔🧐 Why is she feeling lonely ? What is the emotional hurt you gave her ? Looks like you are hiding some stories under the cover.
Live separate few months, maybe will work better
Itna koun padhega 😀
God you need to consult a marriage counsellor
Soodana dosa kall mela...vera evanachu maavu oothida poran
Get on viagra, everything will be sorted..
Help her establishing career make her confident .take low pain exit. Its OK I have been people calmly dealt and drifted apart. If there personality mismatch or career mismatch that also OK. Don't make it toxic ensure that by constant fight .maturely deal it
U guys have no problem in life mostly in money matter that's became the problem....self sufficient peoples can't fit in single environment
Bro inbox me i will suggest you a doctor bams who always guide daily on his posts in Facebook.... He always says how other doctors are fooling by earning money only... Here link... Will... Open or not I don't know... I will post it..... But at least you should know hindi Or marathi language... https://www.facebook.com/share/1EKJrNZzQh/
Dm me if you wanna talk, also living in Germany, 33 yo, married engineer. I faced not similar but a bit different situation like you,maybe my inputs can be helpful.
I give damn 💩 to your shity story, i just came here to read the comments .. (millions doesn’t have wife, job, abroad opportunities or next meal - you have everything and are screwing it royally )
Men like you are the reason marriages are failing
Better you should consult some good sexolgist . You may have erectile dysfunction 😂
You come back to India and live in joint family set up. She will get the missing emotional support from family. She seems to be family oriented and you seem like an european version (failed model). See the (loathing) loners of Europe and wake up bro