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Comments for Post #C27443
Submit ConfessionGender: Male13 June 2026 at 7:04 pm
#C27443 I'm a 33-year-old man, and it's been almost 6 months since my arranged marriage. Before marriage, my wife (30) and I spoke for 2-3 months and mutually agreed to move forward. She had a 4-year relationship before me, while I had never been in a relationship. I come from a stable, sheltered family background, whereas she became independent early in life after losing her father. Her maturity was one of the reasons I admired her. After marriage, I genuinely fell in love with her. Since she was my first love, I started doing things I never imagined myself doing - flowers, gifts, dates, celebrations, supporting her family, and making many adjustments. Even my parents noticed how much I had changed. The problem is that I don't feel the same emotional investment from her side. She treats me well, but it feels more like friendship or companionship than love. She rarely asks about my interests, hobbies, friends, or feelings. Most conversations revolve around her life while I listen. What hurts is seeing how expressive and lively she is with friends and others. She laughs, talks freely, and seems genuinely engaged. With me, even during dates, we sometimes sit in silence. I'm nervous but excited even to hold her hand in public, while she often pulls away or shows little reaction. Another issue is that our marriage still hasn't been consummated after almost 6 months. I've never wanted to pressure her, so I've been patient, hoping things would improve naturally. But the emotional and physical distance is affecting me. Whenever I try to create intimacy - whether through affection, kissing, or simply being close - I feel no warmth or involvement from her side. Sometimes it feels less like shared intimacy and more like I'm asking for something she doesn't really want, which is painful. After marriage, she told me that she and her ex-boyfriend had been physically involved. They were together for 4 years and broke up only a few months before she met me because he wasn't ready for marriage. Hearing this was difficult because she was my first love. What affects me even more is that she still speaks highly of him - his career, intelligence, lifestyle, and family background. She once said, "I hope he finds someone who loves him a lot." Whenever his topic comes up, she seems more animated, and I can't help noticing it. I became so insecure that I even looked him up on Instagram and unconsciously started copying things about him, including his hairstyle and beard. Looking back, I hate that I did that because it felt like competing with someone from her past. Recently, I asked her why she seems to connect effortlessly with everyone except me and whether I was doing something wrong. Her answer was simply, "My nature is like that only." Now both families are hinting about having children, but she says she isn't ready to think about that. I feel emotionally lonely inside my own marriage and don't know whether I should keep waiting and be patient or accept that this is simply how our relationship will be.
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Comments (100)
Clear case of Alpha widow got married to a simp Fly High bro seems like your story 😂. To all the people who say past is past! Wake up to reality fellas 🤗
Talk to her ,if she cant be in the same page ,think of getting divorced .. bro u deserve to be treated the way you treat her ..its bare minimum dude
Halka Mon – Your Safe Space To Be Heard
The bigger concern isn’t the ex. It’s that after six months, you still feel like a stranger to your own wife. You guys need to sit and have a very honest conversation.
Marrying a woman/man with past relationship will often come with a clause
Divorce is the only option. But make her take the first step. Together you go and meet her ex. Convince them to marry. You explain to him that yours is not consummated
The more you chase, the more she pulls away because of multiple reasons including comparison between you and her ex.. the wound is still fresh for her and it may take a good lot of time for her to actually realize your worth or identity..!! The best thing I could say would be to let her be and just do the bare minimum and be yourself.. the more you copy him and try to be someone, you’d lose your identity and deep down even if she accepts you would pull away because you would not feel yourself..!!
so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Talk to her directly that it hurts you when she talks about her ex. She’s married now and should live in the present, not the past. She needs to put efforts from her side too. You could try couples counseling. If nothing works, please consider walking out. You don’t deserve this.
Six months without emotional or physical intimacy is not something you should ignore or simply accept as "her nature." It sounds like your wife may still be emotionally unavailable or carrying unresolved feelings from her past. Before thinking about children, both of you need an honest, non-judgmental conversation about your expectations, feelings, and the future of this marriage. Patience is important, but so is acknowledging your own emotional needs.
This is the reason I say to all the brothers out there. If a woman has been in a serious relationship in the past. Always, first look for her "Emotional investment in you".
Get divorce (but do a good paperwork, hire a detective before filing).
Mahesh Dhraik Bhai look at this brother's problem. Isse bada Disaster kya hoga ek mard ki life me
Get a divorce, simple as that. Ensure you prepare for every scenario that will be thrown at you during the battle.
Nandini achhi thi yarrr atleast ajay Devgan ko chhodke nhi gyi
My suggestion would be to convince her to go for couple counselling. This is not how relationships work. Both need to be transparent here. Just saying 'my nature is like that' or considering this loneliness as fate is no solution. Give her an option, either emotionally invest in the relationship and throw the ex out of the equation, whose first step is going for couple counselling or go separate ways asap. Also, do not fall for children trap. I repeat, DO NOT. With a strained relationship between partners, children suffer the most. And today's children are from gen beta..they will not accept the sufferings without blaming their parents at a later stage, unlike the millennials. Moreover, marriage is not equivalent to only raising kids. It's primarily a companionship between two people which must be more than just parenting. So don't fall for family and friends' advice on lines like 'bachha karoge to sab thik ho jayega'. Wishing you a fruitful married life ahead or a fruitful freedom.
Bro you got trapped now.
Work on yourself. Improve your health, workout, dress well and make sure she understands that you have admirers, obviously of the opposite gender. Avoid being cocky. That is exactly how the female brain functions. They value something only when it's trending. Be trending! If this still doesn't work, don't wait a second and file for divorce, you're gonna get into a trap which you would never be able to get out of. Women bring garlands of mercy if they love you, else they wouldn't wait a second before shoving you off.
if its 6 months you have not consummated the marriage , Then its high time you have one to one talk with your wife . ask her whats her problem whats keeping her away from you both emotionally and physically ... If still does not answer , Then marriage counselling ..
She is getting food elsewhere, keep track of if she stil meets her ex, or maybe she might have more than one. And forgetting old is possible only with new, which = means consummation; 6mo time given is more than enough, Take her to a nice honeymoon, for an extended period - atleast a month, with lot of activities to do there, so she gets lost in nature and activities, consummation is easier/natural/brings opens up a new chapter; Decide after this honeymoon, if to continue ie she doesn't co-operate then "dal mei aur bahut kuch kala hei", in that case leave her.. Never copy her ex- tht only brings old memories back & extols his personality, which now needs to die or forgotten!...
U loved her maturity.. for me a dumb/silly/immature girls are much much better than matured girls.. 4 yrs of S*x and relationship with a guy is not a small issue. It's like a marriage itself just without rituals.. U actually married a divorcee. She is carrying the emotional baggage of her ex. It will surely trouble you..
Highly problematic, when you yourself had a clean past. If you accept the past also, the bigger problem is she's still into her ex and hasn't moved on yet, while treating you as a safe backup. If she would have forgotten her ex and completely dedicated herself to you, there would have been no problem. But nothing can be fixed now. Just talk to her, and if things don't change, come out.
Just stop copying her boyfriend Ulta aap usko uski yaad dilwatey ho Stop discussing why she is more reserve with you Behave naturally Pamper her upto a limit Hopefully she will be fine after some time
Rab ne bana di jodi
Arranged marriages are gambles, sometimes people do fall in love in arranged marriages and live a happy life, sometimes they just don't. She is not that into you, accept that fact and move on. For some, moving on might mean continuing with a loveless marriage, and for some moving on might mean divorce and a fresh start with someone else. I don't think this has anything to do with her past, people are perfectly capable of falling in love multiple times in their lifetime, she just has not fallen in love with you
"Paar meri sirf ek hi boyfriend thi pehle" Mardon k muh Marta aurat ko ghar lane se 3 time divorcee ko lana better hain. Jo aurat koi random mard ko boyfriend Maan k tang khol sakti hain woh toh shaadi k baad bhi yehi kar sakti hain kuch bhi uch nich ho toh kyunki character kabhi ni badalti. Jo aurat apni baap jisne usse paal pos k bda kita uska ni suun k kisi mard k baaton mein aa k unke emotional aur physical zarooraton k daasi bni unse kya rishta nibhani ka expectation? Aur aise aurat k liye hi aaj society k moral fabric aur sabse pehle unki ghar ki moral fabric loose ho jaati hain. Sirf jhut bol k khud k social image improve karne k koushish karte hain magar again, karmic effect zindagi bhar milte hain
Your wife is still hung up on her ex and is unavailable for you- this is sad truth- please be patient- eventually she will fall in love with you and forget her past slowly
Breach the peach Talk her once' If she really feels u deep in If no Ask her to leave Get divorce peacefully Don't let her conceived Stay away dear youngman if she's no more interested...in you But in ex...still Watch her carefully
Don’t plan kids. You need your own friends’ circle to mitigate this issue. Go away for a bit & clear your mind. I actually feel bad for you. Hope it gets better for you.
Bro is Joginder Singh from Bachena Ae Haseno. 🥺
Make yourself busy, focus on your life, things that make you happy, as a man forget that you'll be loved unconditionally, make yourself emotionally stable not dependent on anyone else.... In Today's time everybody had a past which is accepted to a level but after deciding on marriage and also if after taken time to adjust, she's still the same then you are just a secured backup sorry to say like a lot of people. Don't go so much deep in these things your happiness shouldn't depend on other people, only few people find soulmates in today's time. Hope everything will work out between you guys.
Bro just one word, she is emotionally connected with her ex Still and not move on completely from her ex, it's better u should talk to her out , for first few months see yourself if she is genuinely trying or not, if she is not then u already know the answer, also Set boundary I can’t stay in a marriage where I feel alone
Reading your story,.I get the opinion that you are in joint family setup It will take more time in that case. You need to talk... talking can solve lot of problems. .
Never marry non virgin
This exact thing has happened to me. Your spouse is in love with someone else. Your marriage is going to end very soon.
She doesn't have the same feelings as you have. leave her before this one sided love becomes an emotional burden which you won't be able to carry long. By even talking to her you can't generate feelings.
Start a SIP.... you may need it during a costly divorce!
Never believe a woman with a past who says, "I dont love my ex anymore, I only love you". A woman past is a past, even if she has only exchanged love letters or expressed love with him, it would still be a past. That guy will remain in her memory, and she will compare you to him consciously and sub consciously, leading to a disaster in your relationship with her. Dear men, don't be like those miserable male feminists, never tolerate a woman who has loved a man before you.
There is no marriage without sex. You seem to have tried everything being good guy. Try being bad once. Women get attract towards bad men.
Divorce her and move on the more farther you will go the costlier return ticket will be.
Ladkiyan aise hi aadmi ko toh dhundti h shaadi ke liye gonchu simp jo uske past ko accept kr le
But you are really a gentleman
Escape asap bro. You deserve better
It may help or not dm me your birth chart I can check your aspects and remedies It may help you get a clear picture and understand next step
Don't go for children. Get divorced
you're with the wrong person.....
Divorce mere bhai
Your wife is lucky. Ask any one of her or your trusted friend/relatives to talk to her, do not pressure her just let them talk to her about your relationship.
This marriage, unfortunately, doesn’t have a future. I hope you have a separate bank account or a method to save on the side. Your wife has taken you for granted and is not appreciative of your efforts. Reasons can be several - she is still obsessed with her past or her attraction towards you didn’t develop. Whatever be the cause, she is acting irresponsibly by not having a matured discussion with you. Considering her coldness lined with selfishness, you must find alternatives which protect you. The sooner you get out of this troubled one sided marriage the better. Try going for couple’s counselling first so the true cause can be determined. You both will either find a solution which will save your marriage or get to the bitter truth.
Again men more than a woman has past . Big or small everyone has that from school , college days. But that does not stop from leading healthy life. speak wid yur wife, family & separate.. if she was not ready she wudnt have got married. If not consummated it might be annualment & not divorce. Speak to a lawyer privately for yur own safety . Prayers to God for resolving yur issues.
Take professional help. She’s still stuck in guilt or whatever emotions. She’s not ready yet to create a life with you. How naive of you to think they wouldn’t have been intimate.
You are not running out any charity bro. Grow up. Petta padathula thalaivar solra madiri thaan : "Nallavana iru. Romba nallavana irukadha!!".
Bhai time changes and u r standstill Move vid time
Shocker. Marrying a stranger has drawbacks? Who knew?
Never ever marry a woman with past 😊
Ask her at what age she wants to become pregnant.... it's a recent breakup , so it takes time...stop concentrating on impressing her and do your work.
4 years means they had lot fun.... you should had asked it before. Who knows maybe abortion or more pills.not consumulated means maybe she having same food secretly..have a eye.. 4 years together do you think she can forget him? Even in private moment her mind will remember ex... so dicesion is yurs..
Very very tough!! Felt heaviness reading this. I hope you find solution to this problem soon 😊
Gh Ya dar bhai dar
Well, trying to confront things might end up in more confusion, she will never open up and say it straight forward that she doesn't like you or she is moved on from him, she will always answer in diplomatic way, the only way out here is stop showing more and more affection, stop doing things which which will please her, only to save yourself from being emotional damaged, take yourself out from this relationship and then think that whether you want to stay in relationship or get divorced. Getting divorced in such situation will bring you more emotional damage, and about children, don't even think of it, in future 1 call from her ex and she will leave everything behind for him.
You will have to plan for consummate with her. Then only ahe will forget her ex and start loving you. For that you will have to become little cunning like you can plan romantic movie some good smell with good food and take alcohol. Then you know what you have to do😅
Better to move on bro. Staying in a relationship with one side emtion always gonna hurt
1. Give it some time 2. Suggest counseling. 3. Stop efforts for some time. See her reaction. Is she indifferent or concerned? 4. Work on yourself. Gym. Grooming. Books. Career. 5. Women usually get intimate once they feel comfortable. 6. Why are u thinking of a kid now? It's just been 6 months. Give it at least 2 years.
Lots of red flags here. Rather than going emotionally, better sit with her talk openly and give a deadline and if not works out, move in your life
Dump her!! Find somebody worthy of you or remain single!
I don't understand why people hurry in marriage, especially after breakup and before healing properly. You should be more mature than this at this age. At this point she will compare you with him, try to replace you but won't
Thank you for post
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You answered it yourself, buddy. She was in a four-year relationship before she met you. Most likely, her parents didn't agree, and hence she married you. In most such cases, she's just with you as you're her retirement plan while her ex is fulfilling her physical needs. Good luck to people like you who accept women with a past. 🤣
Talk to her clearly, ask her about her expectations from marriage and tell her yours. If they don't align, it is better to separate now than to drag this out
Try reverse psychology. She is not interested in you because you seems more intresed, the day you stop doing these efforts will attract her towards you.
Mard kya kya na kaarta hein object ka validation paane ke liye ... Should have opted for live-in .. not marriage ... and have some purpose in life ...
Sorry to hear your case. Move on .....I know it will cost u dearly
past is past, friend. see a counsellor (along with her) and move forward in life. all of us have had skeletons in our closet. it's have been better if she kept quiet. regards.
Don’t bring kids when there is no love/effort on both sides just because your family wants. It will be more complicated and you’ll be trapped in an irreversible helpless situation. This is not how marriage is supposed to be. Bringing kids is irresponsible at this time.
Do not have child with her. Go for divorce. It’s your first lover not hers. So you will not have same compassion. It will never will be. She still interested in him. So get divorce as soon as possible. Be free to find genuine love. How long you will carry baggage of someone else
Teri jagah koi middle class aadmi hota to pakka belt treatment deta😂 shaadi ka paisa bhi gya time waste hua wo alag
She still loves him and probably they still banging. Maybe you’re her retirement plan or the day he comes back she’ll be gone. Divorce her and move on!
I think if she wants to close with him then only things will work none can help them... And as per my knowledge all other things who says give time, give love all are just excuses to make fool to that guy... If he is strong enough he could have done devorce till date but he has not done so i think he will not be able to leave her or if she likes his stability she will keep making fool to him so that he will be in lifetime confusion that whether she is with him or that ex... In today's world there are increasing numbers of cases like this... And going to suffer more as law is with woman's... Keep reading
She doesnt love you!!! End of story..
Pls don't listen to these simps who are suggesting divorce. They are neither happy nor want others to be happy.
I am hard core feminist but plz leave her. She still.is clearly in love with her ex. You definitely deserve better. And if leaving her is painful, share everything with her, what u wrote , still.if she doesnt change or values u- plz dont waste ur emotions or life on someone who isnt worth it
Bro you got trapped, she is treating you like her retirement plan. A shoulder for her failed love, she is not emotionally, physically yours.
Do not start a family with her. It will tie u down to a woman who is clearly not in love with you. You really need to end this marriage before you get more invested in it. She 100% doesn't love u, she likes u I am sure, as u r doing so much for her. But she is still mentally in love with her ex. If I was in your place, I would get a divorce and marry someone who loves me or at least has the ability to.
U r freindzoned bro....b a alpha or leave
This comment section is disgusting
Reading this brings tears to my eyes. Why do some girls choose to destroy a man's life like this? I don't understand !! 😭😭
Throw some one time alimony(it would be very less if any and gives you strong case since marriage non consummated) and get rid of her on non compatibility grounds, don't ruin your life lot of girls in world, u will find nice one for you who loves you
Divorce. Its not just a red flag but a bl***y RED ALERT!!!
She is not in love with you.
Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
She does not care for you & takes you for granted. Stop looking up her ex. Do your own style & start ignoring her. Stop buying things for her. She is still concerned for her ex & lives in her past so you stop showing her care & love. Start going out with friends, family without her & do things that make you happy. You will see how quickly she will ask you why you changed. Then you tell her what you wrote here. If she changes then good. Or else divorce her. You are a good person & many women will want a kind hearted person like you. Dont lose heart. If you lose her, it will not be your loss but hers. Am a woman but am not going to take such a woman's side who plays with man's feelings.
Divorce her bro. Save your years. Keep records of her confessions.
Stop giving attention to her, and mind your own business.. Act like a real man. Attention deficit attracts women. But as you said she broke up only recently, she is still not getting over her ex. You have a long journey bro. These women are pretty selfish. Do not spend much on her else you will feel looted before she ran away with her ex
You have your answer in your own statements "She was your first Love" and "She and her ex-BF was physically involved" ... She's mature and thoughtful... But also damaged goods, you can't expect her to forget her 4 yr colorful history of being together with someone spending time with them and getting h**ped .. after some rituals and families taking the decision.... Marriage to you may have been a blissful event of finding your soulmate... But to her it was a calculative move cause she was on a timetable and chose you as a logical option out of the ones available... Understand this... This being hasn't recovered from the past and will probably never recover... You're the stupid caretaker that came along to take care of someone else's damaged plaything... And this plaything still remembers every bit of the original owner... So simple advice is... Throwing this person out of your life for good and don't even look in that general direction... No reconciliation no discussion... Just plain and simple F**K OFF... Mark my words, this cycle of longing feeling left out not getting feelings reciprocated will continue and it's not your job to fix this person... So don't even try...You didn't sign-up for this nonsense... Let her keep searching for her ex...
Wrong decision
Talk to her. U had done enough of trying. Else go for a divorce
Sad
Don't get hurry...talk to her.she doesn't heal from past.try to focus on yourself.no arguments.show her your normal casual behave n...after some time when she see you have your own value n you love yourself self more then condition will change in. Don't get anger or rude.. respect her.set your time line for this n most important talk her with out hesitation.many case broken heart ppl take some time to feel but if you feel disrespect by her any point then tell her openly but control ur emotions....after a time u observe everything..n when you work with your self then it gives you self-esteem...n develop an understanding to solve the problem.but have some patience
Genuinely surprised that a 33yr old man can be this naive about women… this is the “sanskari betta” effect. Ok, I will be blunt to keep this real. 1. She Do Not Love or Respect you. 2. The Marraige was her family’s idea for her “rehabilitation”. She wasn’t interested or prepared to start a new relationship. 3. From her POV, you are not a life partner. You are the backup “trophy” to prove to her family and society that she has “settled down”. 4. She is still subconsciously committed to her ex. One phone call or catch-up with him and the slightest hint of him being interested again, and she will run back to him without a second thought. Here is the solution- Talk to her openly and tell her that you are fully aware of the above points. Ask her to cooperate for a mutual divorce without any payments. She will obviously panic, do the cry drama and may even act super clingy or attracted towards you in the following days. DO NOT fall for that. It’s not love, it’s desperate attempt to keep you hooked. If she and family denies mutual petition, move on your own and cite “failure of fulfilment of marital duties” as the primary reason. Due to our gender biased judiciary, you may end up loosing some money. But do it anyway because your life is worth more than some money. All the best.
You are a simp. 😐
Better divorce her