Comments for Post #C27365

#C27365 M35 I was an average student and completed Civil Engineering from a very ordinary college. Soon after graduation, I lost a government job opportunity when the recruitment process was cancelled. Not wanting to depend on my father, I started working with a salary of just ₹10,000 per month. Over the years, I worked my way up from small companies to MNCs, often doing site work, night shifts, and even 24-hour duties. After marriage, my wife and I lived with my parents and contributed to household expenses. I later moved into an office role, which gave me time to prepare for competitive exams. Eventually, I secured a contractual government job. During the same period, my younger brother developed a serious gambling habit. My father repeatedly helped him financially, hoping he would improve. My wife often raised concerns about his behaviour, but nobody paid much attention. Then my father suddenly passed away. His death changed everything. As the elder son, I took responsibility for the family finances. I used settlement money to clear housing loans, car loans, and even my brother's education loan. After everything was settled, my mother was left with around ₹18 lakh in savings. A few months later, my brother got a government job on compassionate grounds. I was happy because my father had always worried about his future. About a year later, after years of preparation, I finally achieved my own dream and secured a permanent government job with nearly three times my previous salary. The only condition was relocating to another state. Around the same time, my brother wanted a grand wedding despite the girl's family being willing to have a simple Gurudwara marriage. He pressured my mother so much that she eventually spent nearly ₹10–12 lakh from her savings on the wedding. Unfortunately, marriage changed nothing. After the wedding, we discovered the extent of his debts. He had borrowed heavily, taken loans against my mother's pension, and eventually got suspended from his government job due to allegations of fraud and bribery. My mother received around ₹60,000 as family pension after my father's death. Over time, huge amounts of that money disappeared into gambling debts, loan repayments, wedding expenses, and financial crises created by my brother. In total, she spent around ₹25 lakh or more trying to save him. Whenever she stopped giving money, he would emotionally blackmail her. He claimed creditors would beat him, threatened self-harm, and created one crisis after another. Sometimes strangers would call saying he was lying injured somewhere. Other times he would claim to be hospitalized after accidents. My mother would panic and send money, only to later discover that many of these incidents were exaggerated or completely false. His marriage eventually collapsed. His wife left him. Jewellery was sold. My late father's car disappeared to settle debts. Even fixed deposits created by my father were broken and used. All this happened while I was living hundreds of kilometres away trying to manage my own family and job. The constant calls, emergencies, and emotional pressure became exhausting. Relatives eventually advised me to bring my mother to live with me because the environment had become unsafe. I brought her with me, hoping things would improve. But even after everything, my mother continued worrying about my brother and getting emotionally pulled into his problems. Every few weeks there would be another crisis, another phone call, another request for money, another story. Over time, I realized that every conversation about these issues affected my mental health. I would remain disturbed for days. It started affecting my peace, my marriage, and my relationship with my son. Today, I have reduced contact significantly. I still care for my mother and want her to be safe, but I can no longer keep carrying the emotional burden of decisions that are not mine. My question to the group is this: Am I wrong for creating distance from my mother for the sake of my own mental well-being? Every time I talk to her, I get dragged back into the same cycle of stress, guilt, and anxiety because my brother continues the same behaviour and my mother still struggles to stop enabling him. At what point does protecting your own peace stop being selfish and become necessary? I genuinely want honest opinions.