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Comments for Post #C27300
Submit ConfessionGender: Male8 June 2026 at 1:26 pm
#C27300 Confession of a 35-Year-Old Man I am a 35-year-old man, married with a son. I was an average student and completed Civil Engineering from a very ordinary college. Soon after graduation, I lost a government job opportunity when the recruitment process was cancelled. Not wanting to depend on my father, I started working with a salary of just ₹10,000 per month. Over the years, I worked my way up from small companies to MNCs, often doing site work, night shifts, and even 24-hour duties. After marriage, my wife and I lived with my parents and contributed to household expenses. I later moved into an office role, which gave me time to prepare for competitive exams. Eventually, I secured a contractual government job. During the same period, my younger brother developed a serious gambling habit. My father repeatedly helped him financially, hoping he would improve. My wife often raised concerns about his behaviour, but nobody paid much attention. Then my father suddenly passed away. His death changed everything. As the elder son, I took responsibility for the family finances. I used settlement money to clear housing loans, car loans, and even my brother's education loan. After everything was settled, my mother was left with around ₹18 lakh in savings. A few months later, my brother got a government job on compassionate grounds. I was happy because my father had always worried about his future. About a year later, after years of preparation, I finally achieved my own dream and secured a permanent government job with nearly three times my previous salary. The only condition was relocating to another state. Around the same time, my brother wanted a grand wedding despite the girl's family being willing to have a simple Gurudwara marriage. He pressured my mother so much that she eventually spent nearly ₹10–12 lakh from her savings on the wedding. Unfortunately, marriage changed nothing. After the wedding, we discovered the extent of his debts. He had borrowed heavily, taken loans against my mother's pension, and eventually got suspended from his government job due to allegations of fraud and bribery. My mother received around ₹60,000 as family pension after my father's death. Over time, huge amounts of that money disappeared into gambling debts, loan repayments, wedding expenses, and financial crises created by my brother. In total, she spent around ₹25 lakh or more trying to save him. Whenever she stopped giving money, he would emotionally blackmail her. He claimed creditors would beat him, threatened self-harm, and created one crisis after another. Sometimes strangers would call saying he was lying injured somewhere. Other times he would claim to be hospitalized after accidents. My mother would panic and send money, only to later discover that many of these incidents were exaggerated or completely false. His marriage eventually collapsed. His wife left him. Jewellery was sold. My late father's car disappeared to settle debts. Even fixed deposits created by my father were broken and used. All this happened while I was living hundreds of kilometres away trying to manage my own family and job. The constant calls, emergencies, and emotional pressure became exhausting. Relatives eventually advised me to bring my mother to live with me because the environment had become unsafe. I brought her with me, hoping things would improve. But even after everything, my mother continued worrying about my brother and getting emotionally pulled into his problems. Every few weeks there would be another crisis, another phone call, another request for money, another story. Over time, I realized that every conversation about these issues affected my mental health. I would remain disturbed for days. It started affecting my peace, my marriage, and my relationship with my son. Today, I have reduced contact significantly. I still care for my mother and want her to be safe, but I can no longer keep carrying the emotional burden of decisions that are not mine. My question to the group is this: Am I wrong for creating distance from my mother for the sake of my own mental well-being? Every time I talk to her, I get dragged back into the same cycle of stress, guilt, and anxiety because my brother continues the same behaviour and my mother still struggles to stop enabling him. At what point does protecting your own peace stop being selfish and become necessary? I genuinely want honest opinions.
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Comments (41)
Our Hindi movies have influenced our families in a very bad way. Some family dynamics of India has to do with the poor happiness index in the country. In my opinion the 1st priority should be taking care of yourself both physically and mentally, Jaan hai toh Jahan hai. 2nd the family that comes from you. 3rd the family you come from. Then comes everything else. The steps should not be skipped if your seek happiness and peace.
No. You are not wrong.. Focus on your mental health and peace and your family. Your mother is getting 60k pension and if she gives entire amount to the younger son for his needs/gambling etc and then not eating properly - it is her fault. not yours... Even if you bring her with you - her mind will be always worried about younger son.. Let karma take care..
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Going Low/No contact with toxic person is always Best decision.
You can still take care of your mother in her old age, but there's no obligation to get involved in your brother's issues financially, emotionally and mentally anymore.
No u are not wrong...howmuch ever u give money to ur brother/ mother its like throwing into a bottomless pit.. Instead save money every month for her n use it incase of health emergencies..
You did the right thing certain parents always try saving the weakest one in the family no matter what you can do nothing but watch even if you interfere tell them.some sense nothing will change it becomes more and more toxic keep yourself away especially from that toxic brother of yours do your duty as a son to your mother.
You're not wrong these days we're all already fighting our own battles. If your brother keeps adding to your stress and won't drop his bad habits, you have every right to protect your peace. Otherwise, you'll end up suffering for no reason.
parents shouldn’t support what’s wrong..the frst step shouldn’t taken from ur mother side, over loving or over caring can ruin the relationship n the person here’s the example your brother…. stay away nd protect your peace bcz if u gt involved ur wife, son , you’ll be in trouble if you’re not involving then you three atlst be saved…. rather then 5 ppl gt lost into the battle…
Why the guilt ? Are you seeking validation from world what you did was right or wrong ? Every Human being has their own way of Judging you including your mom .. So where do you stand in your own eyes you have to see yourself .. Life is yours , decision is yours why Guilt ? Why ask the world what they think
If someone wants to drown they are going to. If someone wants to accompany them, they are going to. You don't control the actions of other people. Only your own. You have a responsibility towards your family. Your wife and kids. Raise them well and raise them with love, but ultimately their destiny is their own. Hopefully your mom will also understand that some day.
Why dont you use your brother's drama on him? Also, you may apply following steps: 1. threaten him that if he won't stop, you would give his photo on paper that 'whomever do transaction with you, it would be on their risk. We all have NOTHING to do with this person (your brother)'. 2. keep your mother at safe place like you did before. 3. Your brother needs therapy. You may Go to the counsellor and help him in rebuilding life.
You are correct, 100% correct. And yes u care Abt your mother that's why you did whatever you could, but you also have your own family, you have responsibilities of your wife & children.
Ask parents to divide property and if you get something move away from younger brother. Don't worry about it. Ask mother to pay for her expenses, don't worry about younger brother, don't spend anything to him , let him choose his life.
You've done enough as a son You also have a son ,focus on him. Your mother is attached to your brother and will never learn. He's past any betterment You can save yours
Its not wrong to remove toxic people from your life and you sont have to be the sacrificial.goat ... like all decisions have consequences and your brother or mother dont want to learn from what they have gone through.... so build your life and dont drain your money or energy on thwm as you have a family you are responsible for. Good luck.
Your decision is absolutely right. You cannot help someone who doesn’t want to resolve things and this is a very bitter truth of life. Remember, your mother’s psychology is very different from that of yours because she is a Parent and you cannot take accountability of her actions. As the eldest son, you’ve tried your best to sort out things, but if it didn’t work, you chose to focus on your well being, which is perfectly fine. You should not feel guilty.
You are nowhere wrong brother u did everything which every elder son n brother should do but eventually it did'nt end well so i would recommend u that focus on your family and kids and try to convience your mother to live with you and forget about ur brother
You did your best. Should worry for yourself and your family. We can’t control everything. Sometimes you need to let them go…
You are only responsible for the family you created, your mother has already choosen her fate ,let her live with her decision.
First of all in many households younger son is the spoilt brat who has no seriousness whatsoever regarding life and career and parents are emotionally attached to the yonger son and play into all their demands and tactics and even put their burden on the elder son.... Parents treat their younger son as a kid forever and spoil them to next level....So it is high time one takes a strong stand against such things
U r absolutely right 💯
I learnt this mantra from my mother... saying in punjabi MC loki MC duniya be a cat protect yourself first...
You did your bit brother .Let your mother deal with a spoilt child .It is her responsibility.
Bhai Aaj ke time m koi kisi ka nahi ha,apne biwi bache per dhyan do
U are not at all wrong as a elder bro and son u have done enough
If you leave a toxic friend behind without any guilt then why not toxic family?? Just because they gave birth to you that doesn’t give them the right to psychologically or emotionally abuse or take advantage of u ! Sooner u realize that better for u
Your brother lost his family because of his bad habits. Now, u don't lose your family because of ur bad brother. At least learn from him. Unless he's not leaving his bad habits behind and ur mother is not leaving him behind, they don't deserve a place in ur life and/or ur house. Let them rot in the very hell they got themselves into. It's none of ur business. If u r still confused and worried about ur mother, u r extending the same mistake ur mother does towards ur brother and remember, u'll eventually have to ditch ur family by trying to fill that bottomless pit. Ur wife and kid(s) don't deserve that. As far as ur mother and brother are concerned, they'll eventually face their karma and come out of it. So, don't worry.
No you are not. You have been a support to your family. Your mother is emotionally dependent on your brother and your brother, anyways, trying to destroy his life. If you get into this, you will also be pulled and get your life affected severely. Keep distance, and be updated about your mother’s well being. If required pitch in.
You are not wrong.you have your own family to care about .
bro suggest your brother to go for GA meetings .. may be he will come out from this. ping me for link
Nothing wrong...be like that only..be strong..
You are a responsible & caring good son & good brother dont let them exploit you anymore you decision is absolutely right 👍
You are absolutely right
Leave that spoiled brat, but distancing from mother is unforgivable; a son can't do that.
Its already u suffered a lot. Be happy with ur family
Put your brother in a rehab for de addiction whether your mother or your brother likes it or not.
We have seen hundreds of case getting worst because of illogical affection towards one child, surprising I still have to understand how parents can be biased towards their own children. Crucks you strictly take care if ur family, make sure ur son, ur wife is not ignored or deprived of anything. Ur Mother has to suffer no one on earth can help her. This is KARMA.
Yes......
Your brother is a narcissist n your mother is an enabler. U need to stay as far away from them as possible for your own mental health n for the sake of your own family. There r only as many chances u can give a person but then u must stop n let them face the consequences of their own actions. U r not to be blamed for anything so stop feeling guilty. U did the best u could do n u need to move ahead in your own life. Look after your own wife n kids now.
nothing wrong in wat u did, u have to take care of ur own family now and caring for ur mother has become an advantage to her and ur brother using this and they are exploting u...so let it be watever they say, u just take care of urself and family and let them see wat they can do...make sure u take ur part from the family fortune if any still available as ur brother has already lost everything
Cut ur losses . Trash deserve to live with trash. My mother would have done Shraddha if we were to do such things.