Comments for Post #C27203

#C27203 Kolkata - 28M Admin, please post. It's long, but it's real. Just letting a heavy heart speak. Maybe some relationships never get a name, yet they leave the deepest scars. After a peaceful, mutual breakup from a long relationship, I had genuinely started enjoying life alone. Office, football, parar adda, late-night food plans with friends — life felt simple and peaceful. We ended things on a good note and are still in touch today because I have always believed that even if two people don't end up together, good people and the memories they gave should not be erased from life. Then I met her in my newly joined office in Kolkata two years back. She stood out without even trying — simple, grounded, soft-spoken. The kind of Bengali girl you notice during Durga Pujo Ashtami Anjali beside her parents or at a para cultural function. In a world full of noise and fake personalities, she felt real. At that time, she was healing from a breakup, and I was simply there for her as a friend. No intentions. I just wanted to see her smile again. Slowly, it became daily conversations, changing bus routes just to travel together, waiting after office, momo evenings, random walks, dropping her home, sharing everything about life. And somewhere along the way, I fell in love. We were very different people. I was happy with my simple Samsung phone and bus rides, while she preferred iPhones and cabs. I came from a middle-class Bengali family where even small savings matter. Somewhere, I always felt she was out of my league. Still, slowly we became closer. When I finally confessed, she never fully said yes… but she never said no either. Her “maybe, with no expectations” became enough for me to stay emotionally invested. I thought maybe my honesty, loyalty, and time would someday turn that “maybe” into a “yes.” Holding her hand and walking beside her for miles became one of the happiest feelings of my life. My first kiss with her felt meaningful because I truly believed she was someone I could build a future around someday. Maybe it sounds old-fashioned, but I always believed intimacy should mean something real. In my mind, intimacy was for the woman I would someday apply sindoor to. So when emotional and physical boundaries were crossed, it was never casual for me. It was my first time. That’s also why, before getting into anything physical, I brought her home casually so she could know my world. My family welcomed her warmly because, in my heart, she was never “casual.” I still remember her eating from my hand, carrying her bags, massaging her feet when she was tired, eating the last bite of her ice cream, random restaurant dates, quiet walks after office, and silently enjoying her presence beside me. Waiting for her messages became normal. Dropping her home became the best part of my day. Seeing her name on my phone somehow gave me peace. I still remember how happy she looked when I gave her flowers because nobody had done that for her before. Those small things became my language of love. But slowly, I realised she probably didn’t love me the same way. Still, I stayed. Maybe because by then I had become addicted to her presence emotionally and physically. I could feel her emotions too — her tears, emotional dependence, and the way she shared herself with me. I had two choices — either act casually, take advantage of the situation, and walk away… or stay honestly even if it hurt later. I chose the second one. I would rather cry myself to sleep than become the reason someone else’s daughter cries. Somewhere deep down, I always knew I was rescuing an injured bird… and once she healed, she would eventually fly away. Later, she clearly told me she didn’t feel the same way for me. But by then, I was already deeply attached to her presence. We were emotionally and physically close, doing everything couples usually do, so somewhere my heart had already started believing I had found my person. Maybe my only mistake was loving too purely. But at the same time, the girl was emotionally and physically attached to me, cried in front of me, and expressed her feelings. How could I not love her back? How could I love her with impurities or keep it casual?. There came a point where maturity made me realise that love alone is not always enough to build a life. She deserved comfort, security, beautiful experiences, and a life without compromises. Somewhere deep inside, I feared maybe I could not give her the world she truly deserved. Before leaving Kolkata for a new job, I cried in front of her and asked her to stay in my life at least as a friend. During that last cab ride, while holding her hand, I somehow already knew it was the end. Even after moving away, we still talked every day — video calls, random updates, and sharing the smallest moments. She had quietly become part of my routine, my peace, and my comfort. Then one day, she told me she had met someone else and started loving him. That night, I completely broke down. She also told me that we would remain friends forever. What hurt wasn’t that she chose someone else. I knew this day was coming, but obviously it would take time for me to accept it because I am human. What hurt was how quickly everything changed. A few days before, I was supposedly her “first priority.” Then suddenly, daily calls became one call a week. Messages became delayed. Then distance. Then silence. Then one day, I was blocked everywhere without even a goodbye. Hardly 2 calls and 3 messages… and suddenly I became nobody. Even a phone asks before deleting something. But she didn’t. Did she not even consider me a friend after everything? After all the tears, the memories, and the love I gave her with all my heart, losing in love doesn't hurt as much as losing her friendship does. Maybe we were never officially together, but what we shared never felt casual to me. That’s what hurts the most — not rejection, but being erased so easily by someone who once felt like home. Sometimes I still wonder — did she really ghost me? Was everything casual for her from the beginning? How can someone cry in front of you, share every fear, become emotionally and physically attached, make you feel so important… and then suddenly block you like you never mattered? Maybe I failed to understand the situation. Maybe I simply loved more deeply than she ever did. Moving on feels strange. Deleting her pictures feels like betrayal. Talking to new people feels empty. Another strange thing is how our office circle slowly disappeared too. The WhatsApp group became inactive, conversations faded, and people I once considered family slowly drifted away. Sometimes I overthink and wonder if she shared her version and made me the villain in everyone’s head because most of the group consisted of girls. But honestly, if telling the truth to the world ever made her the villain, I would rather take all the blame on myself and quietly move on. But what hurts the most is the lack of closure. I have always ended things on a good note, even with enemies. But she was my special person. That’s why I still cannot understand how someone who once made me feel so important could suddenly disappear and leave me with so many unanswered questions. “Ek tarfa hoti to baat aur hoti, dukh ye hai ki izhar usne bhi kiya tha.” It has been 6 months now, yet the pain, questions, overthinking, and feelings remain exactly the same. Maybe that is why a part of me still wonders if I should meet her once — not to blame her, not to force anything back, but simply to ask if I unknowingly did something wrong. Should I directly meet her once? Should I stay in touch with my old colleagues, or has she already told them her version of the story? The truth is, only the two of us knew what actually existed between us. Nobody else knew our story. I am coming back to my hometown soon, and a part of me still wonders if I should meet her. And despite everything… I still cannot hate her. She is still a good person in my eyes. A caring daughter, and someday probably an amazing wife and mother too. Maybe that is why this hurts even more — because even after all this pain, one part of my heart still wants nothing but happiness and peace for her. I gave you 100 rupees, he gave you 200... you thought he was better because he gave you more, but bro, he had 2000 and all I had was 100. This isn't about money. Take care, my special good girl. This pain will never make me hate you. And if you ever need me, I will be there for you.