Comments for Post #C27159

#C27159 *My First Love* _Anonymous_ Please hide my identity. I live somewhere in Mindanao. I’m female, and I just want to share my first love story. Sorry if it’s not detailed or well organized — this happened four years ago. I’m sharing this openly, so feel free to critique. In 20_, I was looking for a boarding house while preparing for my board exam. On 20_, I found one, and that’s where I met him. He was a bit effeminate and would tease me from morning until bath time. He had a way of annoying me that made me want to punch him, but it was mostly playful. At first, I didn’t even know what his gender was. We ate together, bought food together, and spent almost every day together. It became our morning routine. Even on days I was in a bad mood because of his teasing, I let it slide because he said hurtful things to others too, not just me. Sorry, I don’t remember the exact words anymore — it was a long time ago. Once, when I went home, he messaged me saying he missed me, then added “just kidding.” At that time, I only thought of him as a friend, but I did miss his teasing. There was also a time when it was just the two of us in the boarding house. I let him into my room, and he accepted. That’s when it hit me: he’s gay, but he’s still male. People started saying we looked like a couple because we were so close and affectionate. To me, it felt like friendship. A friend even told me, “Even if he’s gay, he’s still a male.” That made me wonder about his gender. Was he bisexual? When another month passed, I hadn’t taken the board exam yet, so I went home and told him I was leaving. We stayed in touch and checked on each other, but I missed him — his teasing, his presence. The first time I saw him in the boarding house, when he opened his door, it felt like slow motion. I was eating and was struck by his face: sharp nose, fair skin. Before I knew he was gay, I thought, “Damn, he’s handsome.” Later that afternoon, I saw him swaying his hips and walking playfully. That’s when it clicked: “Oh no… he’s gay.” It turned out he was close with my roommate. He would walk into their room and say things like, “Whoa, you sleep so early — it’s still early.” They’d ask if I’d eaten yet. After that, there wasn’t a day he didn’t tease me, get on my nerves, and irritate me. When I went home, he messaged me that he missed me. I didn’t tell him I missed him too. I missed his teasing, but it felt awkward once I realized he was gay. One day I thought, _what if I confess?_ So I did, through social media. His reply was just “???” and then he blocked me. I knew why — I had told him I had feelings for him. After that, it felt like a weight was lifted. My emotions were finally out. He blocked me, and I cried. I think he was my first love. I’m NBSB, after all. Every morning, I really missed him. A year passed, and I passed the government exam. I decided to work far away, and a few months later I got hired at a private company. At the same time, I was dealing with family issues and a broken heart. It all hit at once. --- *Letter to him:* Thank you for being good and kind to me. Thank you for coming into my life and becoming part of it — for making me laugh, for teasing me, for being straightforward, and for being generous. I know you’re happy now, and I’m grateful for the good memories we shared. Every time I go to the city, I still think about it. I’m sorry I confessed to you that day; I just needed to release that feeling. Take good care, and God bless. --- *Final thoughts:* There are people who come into your life and become your temporary happiness. I’ve learned that kind of happiness is worth savoring, because life is short. That’s what I learned from him. Thank you for being my first love. Sorry if this isn’t written perfectly — I just wanted to share what I went through. Sometimes we reminisce, and it’s unavoidable, even for you, right? Now I understand him, and I’m thankful. Sometimes our hearts flutter for anyone without us knowing it. I’m grateful I got to feel what first love is like. *This was four years ago and I was just reminiscing and remembered it. *Thank you readers and take care, Sincerely, J