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Comments for Post #C27154
Submit ConfessionGender: Male25 May 2026 at 3:47 am
#C27154 Title: I (33M) left a toxic relationship with an older woman (42F). I feel very guilty. How do I move on?** I am a PhD scholar at an old NIT. I just ended a 1 year relationship (in this one year we got so attached to each other as we shared a bond just like husband-wife.) that was very hard on my mental health. I am 33 and my ex-girlfriend is 42. She got divorced 12 years ago and without any alimony or maintenance as she suffered a lot in her previous marriage and built her life all by herself without any family support. She lives alone in a rented flat. Professionally, she works very hard visiting different hospitals (she is a physiotherapist), but her life is full of financial stress. Most of her earnings go toward paying big loans (EMIs). Because she only gets paid per visit, she cannot even take a single day off. Recently, she got a bone fracture but still had to travel to the hospitals for visits and work in pain without resting. Even though she tries to look strong and spiritual to the outside world, she is very lonely at home and has no real friends. Even with our age gap, I was very serious about her. I wanted to marry her and give her a family, but only if her behavior was respectful towards me and my family. We both believe in astrology. According to her astrology chart, she only has about two years left to find someone and get married. Because of her bad behavior, I knew I could never safely bring her into my family. I decided to walk away because it would be selfish of me to stay and waste her important remaining time. We are very different people. I am a quiet PhD student (introvert) and I have a very loving family. She judged me for this. Because I never had a girlfriend before, she said I did not know how to be in a relationship. She made fun of me for being too attached to my parents and siblings. She said she was just "showing me the real world," but her words always made me feel bad about myself. Because of her constant judgment, I started feeling very self-conscious around her. Actually she gets irritated all the time. For example, if I talk to her on call and there is network issue she shouts on me, if I asked her anything which she already told me, she shouts on top of her voice or if I ask anything which as per her is obvious she shouts. I felt like I was slowly losing my own personality. I started remaining in constant fear and changing who I am, just to keep her happy and avoid her anger. Because of her hard life, I felt very sorry for her. I thought my love, patience, and good nature and care could heal her loneliness and ease her stress. But instead, she took all her frustration and anger out on me. She just made me a punching bag. She would get very angry for no reason. During these fights, she would use very bad words, call me "neech" (worthless/lowly), raise questions on my upbringing as she is brahmin and I am not and completely break my self-respect. In March, because of her continuous behaviour of this kind, I tried to leave and she abused and cursed me a lot on messages and phone call and provoked me to commit s**c*de and when I denied firmly she said she will commit as she wanted me to remain in guilt and I got panicked and rushed to her flat at around 1 am in the night to ensure her safety. The next day when the moment I tried to leaveb, she started crying a lot about how lonely she was. I couldn't see her crying as I love her a lot and my body started trembling and my blood pressure got very low. So I told her that I am not going to leave her. After that for the next month, the bad words and her anger, that rigid and toxic behaviour started again and this time I couldn't sustain. Finally, to save my mental peace and my career (I am also preparing for big competitive exams), I left her and when I left her, she cursed me a lot on phone call and called me so many abusive things. She never apologised for her bad behaviour as she thinks that she gets angry because I do mistakes regularly. And after a week post breakup I sent her a letter in which I mentioned that I really loved her, but because of her behaviour I am breaking up permanently as I can never be happy with her due to her behaviour and anger issues. I also mentioned that I do not hold any grudges as I really loved her and I pray to God that He gives her all the happiness. Since I sent the letter, she has been completely silent. No reply at all. My mind knows I did the right thing. I saved myself and I did not waste her time. But my heart is feeling a lot of guilt. I feel bad for leaving her alone with her all the problems and loneliness. I am still worried about her loneliness and whenever I think about the pain of her I cry and I feel so helpless. I wanted to go back to her but I know that I will be get trapped again in the same situation as she is not going to change her behaviour. Has anyone been in a situation like this? How do I stop feeling guilty for someone who hurt me so much?
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Comments (58)
Be prepared with all the documents of Separation or conversational proof. It's a trait of narcissists, they may harm themselves to keep you on a Guilt trip. You may love her but these behaviours never change. You did the right thing by moving ahead in life.
She needs therapy....maybe she is carrying a lot of baggage.... On your side, you saved your mental peace.
Halka Mon – Your Safe Space To Be Heard
She is in flight or fight mode due to stressful circumstances she is going through.....these are anxiety issues and anger issues she is going through....she needs doctors help......what i understood she is not bad person.....what she is doing is coping through trauma without her knowing that she is hurting you...you saved yourself...but I feel for her... She needs help
You believe in astrology so Bhagya me Jo tha hua.
What do you think of yourself... ?? You can't change bad person with your humbleness .. take whatever they are giving . It's not a movie ..it's a real life ... Some people don't deserve second chance. You tried to give her second chance ...but she is what she is . So , take a breath search a girl whom you are more compatible with . And look for the simple girl.
You can care deeply about someone and still recognize that a relationship with them is unhealthy. From what you've described, the issue was not her age, financial struggles, loneliness, or difficult past. The issue was a consistent pattern of verbal abuse, humiliation, emotional manipulation, threats, and a lack of accountability. Many people who leave toxic relationships feel guilty because they focus on the other person's suffering while minimizing their own. Compassion is a good quality, but compassion does not require you to accept mistreatment. You were not responsible for fixing her loneliness, healing her past trauma, managing her anger, or rescuing her from the consequences of her choices. It's also important to remember that understanding why someone behaves badly is not the same as excusing that behavior. Her difficult life may explain her anger, but it does not justify calling you names, attacking your family, questioning your upbringing, making caste based remarks, or threatening self harm to keep you from leaving. The fact that you repeatedly tried to understand her, stayed after previous incidents, rushed to her home when you feared for her safety, and even ended things respectfully through a heartfelt letter shows that you did not abandon her recklessly. You gave the relationship multiple chances and left only when it became clear that staying was damaging your mental health and future. The guilt you feel now is likely grief mixed with empathy. You are mourning not only the relationship but also the future you hoped to build with her. That is normal. However, guilt should not be confused with responsibility. Her life is ultimately her responsibility, just as your life is yours. The silence after your letter may actually be helping both of you heal. Reaching out again would likely reopen the same cycle that caused you so much pain. Instead of asking, 'How do I save her?' try asking, 'Why do I feel responsible for saving someone who repeatedly hurt me?' You did not fail her. You chose self respect, emotional safety, and your future. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is accept that love alone cannot fix a relationship where respect is missing.
Leave - for your peace of mind and hers.
Pre menopausal stage
Just move on time will heal you stay away from your ex or you may end up with court cases and may financially pay her debts
Are you bengali by any chance?? Itna bada paragraph kaun likhta hai bhayi
Yes you did the right thing. Find someone your age or younger to you. She is 42 and already must have hit peri menopause. May be she can find companiinship in men older than her.
its called trauma bonding ..u are feeling guilt but what about your own respect?..no relationship can survive without respect
What competitive exams you prepping for? Only asking bcz your age is 33 and I'm really curious which exams have that much age limit
Never imagine going back to her to bro. Life will become an ill for you. Forget everything and focus on ur career.
You did the right thing. Wishing you the very best!
Did you ever stop and think, maybe she's all alone because of this exact behavior? No parents, siblings, family, divorced; all could be because of how she treats and values them. The best thing you can do for yourself is to never go back to that lady. Find someone, get married, and live a normal life. All the best.
Why didn't u consult an astrologer before starting the relationship?
Older women hard to handle.. just leave
I went through the exact same toxic behavior you described, point by point. What helped me move on was completely cutting ties, deleting and burning all memories associated with the relationship, and avoiding any form of stalking or checking up on her. One thing I would strongly suggest, however, is keeping records of any suicidal threats or messages. It’s better to have that evidence for your own protection, especially when dealing with someone who may feel they have nothing to lose.
Never play with other people's used toys...take this as a lesson
She is a narcissit. Please please run for your life. ..it will get worse with time. Dont feel guilty about her. It is theri tactic to keep you attached to them. Also, record everything, keep screen shots, and call recordings. And run for your life. They are living monsters. Dont ever look back to her, she will try her best to win you but repeat the same things again.
साला....इस पूरी कहानी में असली मुद्दा तो रह ही गया, हम जैसों का पूरा टाइम वेस्ट हो गया यार
Just keep ur family!!!! She is a passing cloud or u will lose ur lovely family
Yek hé life h usme bhi apko itne natak Zelne h ky kisi or ke
Short answer move out hell with her lady shud respect a man simple
She ate you whole and left no crumbs. You might be a PhD in academics but you turned out to be high school fail in life. She already was a left over part of her previous life. She found a toy in you. She played she broke up the toy. Now repent
Keep some solid evidence of her behavior prepared with you. Also the reason for the breakup with solid proofs. Psychopaths like her can commit suicide blaming you and you will be trapped forever in this mess, your family and career will suffer the most. If possible, go to the police station and submit an affidavit that she has threatened with suicide multiple times due to your breakup and you should not be held responsible. Keep your emotions aside and think logically
You can safely conclude that she suffered in her previous marriage because of her own bad behavioir and attitude. Dont try to become a saviour and think urself as a hero for such a women
Nowadays to have secx u guys are calling that as relationship
bc inn 30-35 saal k full grown Janvaro ko itna lamba post likhne k liye time kaise milta hai , wo bhi pura Lavng Lehsun yaad kr k . Ye devdas type stories approve krna band krdo Admin .
Chintan Bhatt
Be ready, she'll have duplicate poison and Frame you. She'll neither die, just to bring you under her toes
Seems like a woman with narcissistic and psychopath nature, stop feeling guilty . Such people get worse with time. Don’t cut her any slack, be strong and move on in life. Don’t ruin your mind and soul for such woman.
Make her your project alone with some side quick benefits too. Nothing is free in this world.
Big red flag. Run!!!
Can u share her number to me
She cannot do anything except Blaming you for the Physical Exploitation on the ground of fake Marriage promises... So If she is quietly leaving you so don't try to Be Male Mother Teresa aur apne kaam pe dhayan do... Wapis chala jaun , uski gareebi mita doon, kandha bann jaun are good thoughts till you are not arrested for Physical Exploitation of Female on Ground of fake promises (Aisa woh Report mein likhwayegi) aur jab tak You will get clean chit from Court tab tak age nikal chuki hogi So NO EXAMS, No police clearance for Govt. Jobs due to Case going on.... So bhai... Aaram se katt lo aur jee lo....
Itna load mat lo. Apne exam par dhyan do She'll find the one soon.
wait for 376
Why are you feeling guilty if she hurt you ? Array ? That's absolutely Contradiction to you own statement ? 😂
I think she’s suffering from bipolar disorder
Its illegal to blackmail someone with suicide threats , u should consider filing complaint (NC) against this threat in police station and keep that record with u forever , so u arent held responsible if she takes any wrong step . U did the right thing by breaking up . It is upto her to fix her life , shes educated and earning , if she wants people around her she will suck it up and learn to control her temper . Dont worry about what ur exes are upto in life . Focus on ur growth and family now . If u need a certified counsellor, whatsapp me +91 9819850818
Bro...she is a Grade 1 Narcissist. Has Personality Issues Temper issues Anxiety And what not.She rather needs Psychiatric help rather than your So called "Love". You have already Taken a Correct Stand for yourself...stop blaming yourself and Let her be the way she is....you cannot do anything bro....Ever wondered why she Divorced in the first place????
She's older she's lost her charm so she's insecure and selfish such women are very dangerous especially in this gynocentric world so beware of her stay away like you never existed She's trying to dominate you manipulate you Run bro run
She is playing with you, throw her away because a BITCH is always a BITCH
Unregulated emotions. immature woman. I feel sorry for the trauma u wen through. Narcissistic personality.
Feeling bad? For what? Uski behen ki taang bc. Let her suffer because she deserves it. You start again on a positive note.
U r not getting girls ur own age?
divorce se door raho bhaiya,,,, kabhi chakkr me nhi fansne ka bhidu,, unko to koe na koe chaiye hi barbad krne ke kiy, tu kyu barbad ho ra h bro ,,, duniya me bhut log dukhi ,pareshan, gareeb, tired hai,,, tu kya sbko kandha deta firega re l0du ?
Mate, I had an ex that warned me that "she will take whats hers one day and I am hers" She fucked 4 guys after that and took my money and never called back. So you escaped, be happy and never belive their crocodile tears. That p**sy knows no man
Are you mad? Dont try to get touch with her ahain... Please look yoir future. She got divirced dueto her toxic nature.. So be mindfuk
DUDE, U R TOO IMMATURE. Get married to someone who is below ur age. settle in life. She could be in her MENOPAUSE time dude to which she behaves like that. It's difficult to conceive if u wanted a child also. The problem is with u. Let her live her life. Don't interfear in her matter. u take care of ur life
She is old enough to take care of herself no need to baby a narcississt
She is a Big Narcissistic, Beaware From Her.
If you left her, good for you. But why you modern people always live ulta? F**ng a 42 yr old is fun, but who in his sane mind want to marry her! You are spoiling your young body and mind to a useless piece of sh1t.. Go and enjoy your life. Leave this and dont even remember this chapter
U both seem very immature. Seems like this post has been written by some 13 year old not 33 year old. Also if u love her so much why did u leave? Don't believe your story. Fake
अपनी उम्र देख लवड़े, खाने कमाने की की उमर में निब्बा जैसी पोस्ट पेल रहा है।
Kabhi financial parasite ke sath realationship mein mat jana Those people suck your mental peace ,money, Reputation. She is jealous of your family