Comments for Post #C27116

#C27116 Sometimes I feel the biggest truth about life is “adjustment.” If the thing or person you truly want is replaced by something better, you stay happy. But if nothing better comes along, you still continue living… just with a small emptiness somewhere inside. I come from a lower middle class family. Back in 10th standard, I liked a girl a lot. Maybe “liked” is a small word. She was my first real love. She was related to my friend relatives, and we only used to talk through Facebook — simple hi-hello conversations. One day I finally gathered the courage to propose to her. She replied, “I never really thought about it.” After that, I stopped talking to her completely.I think this is the mistake i did. It has been almost 9–10 years now. Sometimes we still wish each other on birthdays, but that’s all that remains. Honestly, at that time I always felt maybe she never chose me because I wasn’t financially strong. And maybe she wasn’t wrong either. I wasn’t even stable enough for myself back then. Then life started moving very fast. After 12th, I started earning while studying. From my first semester itself, I paid my own college fees and slowly started supporting my family too. During graduation and post graduation, things became a little stable financially. We got my sister married, and eventually I got a job too. But just 8 months after starting my job, my father passed away. After that, my mother went into severe depression. And around the same time, the girl I loved got married too. I never even got the chance to send a proposal to her family. Maybe I became financially strong too late. Then relatives emotionally pressured me into marriage. I was not ready at all, but eventually I gave in. Most of my savings disappeared in my own marriage. And this is the truth I have never told anyone: My wife loves me deeply. My family loves me too. Probably more than I deserve. But the feeling I once had for my first love never completely disappeared. And because of that, I carry guilt inside me. After marriage, I started a business without telling my family. I took personal loans, used credit cards, borrowed money… almost 40 lakhs in total. The business failed badly, and I lost almost everything. For the last 2 years, I’ve just been rotating loans to pay other loans. EMIs, responsibilities, pressure… life feels like a never-ending cycle. My family knows nothing about it. Everyone thinks everything is normal. My mother wants me to hand over my salary so she can know where the money goes. But honestly, sometimes even I don’t know anymore. Still… my wife stands beside me through everything. My family trusts me completely. And sometimes I realize that maybe the person I once wanted the most would never have loved me the way my wife does today. The only problem is… the heart takes much longer to move on than the mind. Recently, my wife removed my old crush from my social media account. I don’t know what she knows or how much she knows. Maybe people told her. Maybe she understood it herself. But after all these years, one question still lives inside me: What was the real reason behind that rejection? Maybe I just want closure. Or maybe some feelings never really leave. I guess this is what adulthood really is — carrying responsibilities with a smile while some part of your heart still lives in the past. Because in the end, life is not just about love. Life is also about adjustment.