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Comments for Post #C27108
Submit ConfessionGender: Female12 May 2026 at 11:21 am
#C27108 I got married to a man who I believed deeply loved me. We were together for 8+ years before marriage. We both had good jobs, dreams, ambitions, and a bright future ahead. Just before our wedding, I noticed he was talking to another woman through an account I didn’t even know existed. I wanted to call off the marriage because my trust broke instantly. He begged me not to leave, saying the chats were casual. To be honest, maybe they were casual — but the secrecy hurt me deeply. I still trusted him and got married. After marriage, I slowly discovered a pattern of online flirting, chatting with multiple women, hiding things, and possibly emotional involvement with others. Every time I confronted him, the answer was always the same: “You are overthinking.” “You always suspect me.” “Nothing is going on.” Our life looked perfect from outside. Good careers, family growth, foreign life, stability. Then again, during his business trips, I noticed he wanted to meet women outside. Once he returned from a trip with gifts and extra affection. Later I saw a message: “Are you still around? If interested, we will meet.” When I questioned him, instead of reassuring me, he became angry and physically abusive. Again, the same story: “Spam.” “You are imagining things.” “You always suspect me.” After having a child, I stopped working and focused completely on family and parenting. Slowly, he became emotionally distant from me. Years passed with almost no physical intimacy. He would only come close when he needed something. My emotional needs never mattered. Later, he became deeply involved with another woman and even threatened me with divorce. But my situation, my child, my financial dependency, and living overseas made everything extremely complicated. My health collapsed. My confidence disappeared. Then suddenly he became normal again. Peace would return for some time, and I would convince myself things were improving. But now I realize the pattern never stopped. Even today, he flirts with women, meets them outside, and tells people he is unmarried. If someone finds out about me, he says he regrets marrying me. Now we live like roommates. The hardest part is this: I was once extremely ambitious, career-oriented, independent, confident, and successful in IT. I supported him, earned with him, and built dreams with him. Today, I am nearing 40 with a 10-year career gap, broken confidence, damaged health, emotional trauma, and no identity left outside motherhood and survival. To the outside world, we still look like the perfect family. But inside, I feel like I lost myself completely. Now I’m trying to restart my career because I want financial stability and a better future for my child. But my spirit feels exhausted. Technology changed. The industry changed. I changed. Sometimes I wonder: Is it possible for someone to restart life and career at 40 after losing everything emotionally? I don’t know what hurts more — the betrayal, the loneliness, or realizing that while I gave my whole life to someone, I slowly disappeared from my own.
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Comments (38)
It is still not late. You can turn your life around at any given point of time. Especially if you’re abroad, then you are free to have a life of your own. Get your finances together, get help, take therapy, it will be difficult but why such a life for a useless person? Why not face other difficulties and become independent. Get help from home or else move to India. Do whatever and make him pay for everything. File a complaint, gather proof. Be smart. You can do this. Hugs
Start with smaller jobs so that you get a hold of the work environment. Then slowly update yourself with the latest technologies. Then switch to a better company and job. This will give you the confidence to start in a bigger company. That's what I did at the age of 44 after a 13 yr career gap. I didn't even know what zoom meeting was and today I am updated about Ai too. So don't worry. Just make up your mind. Start with smaller options....
Halka Mon – Your Safe Space To Be Heard
Aap jab Chaho life restart hoti hai .. I would advice you as a hr manager we see profiles with gap so one thing u can do is start applying to small company and expect a little etc from what u were earning lastly and don't worry life is still good and save money as much as u can all the best
Have courage. God may have better plan for you. Grab a job even it is inferior to your prior one. Take care your health too.
If trust and understanding are strong between two person after marriage,both of them never imagine to having an extra marital affairs,soul connection strong bond is required between two person if we loved a person for years and got married you never planning to have an extra marital affair, because that person is your whole heart and breath.
Marriage are not joke .love mean nothing it's just flettin emotions. U knew redflag u didn't act sadly that sad part. Don't lose hope u can rebuild ur career again 40 nothing many did. Upgrade skills don't waste ur Time on him emotionally. Focus on yourself work on it u will slowly regain esteem confidence it all connected to your sucess level inside. Good days will come
Life gives so many opportunities to restart . You need to put little extra effort. Study like a fresher, put effort like a last chance and give your best this time. Trust me everything will change soon.
A cheater is always cheater.. So I would suggest you to become emotionally get distant from him..And think more about yourself..Take a break ..Try to go for solo trip..Just to rebuild confidence.. This phase of women.. especially non working women is extremely difficult.. how much ever they are pampered with love and are comfortable. they will feel depressed unless they have good finances of their own..You are not alone in this phase..It's time to move on for good
Start gradually and start understanding your mental patterns as well, which stop you from moving ahead. Resolve step by step. Be independent, it’s never too late.
So what do you want ? Choice is yours ?either accept it and find your peace . Live and let live .. if not you have way out ..
What kind of emotional turmoil you must have gone through, Husband who don't love their woman is a biggest red flag and you really don't need to live with that type of man anymore. Don't play into the social fabric, rise up and once a confident woman always a confident woman. All you need is a start. Some people need to be dumped, make him pay. Good luck to you
You had a chance to take a life changing decision back then you didn’t and see how it has resulted. You have a chance to take a life changing decision now. Think and choose wisely. Thats all!!!
You are a very strong sister. Please keep on trying and never lose the hope. 💗
You need 2 big things to do- your financial independence ( all confidence and courage will follow )and you coming out of the relationship. I think you don't need money atleast for now but you need financial independence. You decide which one do you need to do first - becoming financially independent is good to do first because it makes the other process easier .. Gather evidence till then, don't give any clue about your plan... Once you are up on your feet, start the process of separation... If you feel alone in foreign country because you don't have your own contacts ( all related to him ) , and you feel you will get parents support here, gather all evidence, divorce, and come back to India Start upgrading professional and start with even entry level.
I really unable to understand that 8-10 years relationship period, u never caught him ?when u caught him then it was near day of ur wedding? U should restart, don't give priority to money, if u earn little then day by day, u gain ur confidence. If there is a pattern in ur hby lifestyle then may be he is a narcissist. When any lady close to her then may be he will rude and if lady leave her then he will nice to u, may be it is reverse too
This is what happens when you support a man instead of ur dreams
Yes it's possible..! It's possible whenever you want to do it.. This is the reason women don't want to give up their career and financial independence just to be married!! It's actually not worth it...
The mistake is believing him again and again but it happens. There is always a restart. Talk to ur old buddies to understand new technology and things. Looking by ur words u look intelligent. U can easily learn
It's your life story, you are never late. Just rewrite the story like u want it to be.
Learn the latest technologies in online mode, look for internships that allow WFH or maybe you can try freelancing, the world is not over yet. Good luck, more power and strength to you.
itz is never late Gear up girl.
Better focus on your mental stability and health first and then baby ..and immediately u start your job (anything) . Please focus on yourself. Ur husband is never going to change... Don't take it in your mind .. one day he will change after reaching 64 or 70 or once he lose energy in body.. no worries..focus on ur self .. start any job .. please bring peace in your mind .. you can't change anyone in the world.. focus on ur action which in controllable.. be the brave girl . Don't loose hope .. be positive.. you need to achieve more in your life .. All the best
Hey sister..you can restart anytime. Its all motivation and mind game. Be an independent women and once things are ok. Kick him.off
Upgrade yourself asmuch as you can you will eventually get in your feet again. Dont give up . Keep finances separate and hidden.
Nothing too late... Dont lose hope and confiidence.. Step towards achievement. Everuthing will be right
Go run he gaslights
Hey it's never late. Have seen some women starting at the age of 45 as well.
Dont afraid of any one including spouse keep hope on god hunuman and visit hunuman teple daily spend one hour after 3 to 6 months itwill be ok
The biggest mistake u did...was leaving ur job..nd becoming dependent..kisi k liye bhi apni job nhi chodni chahiye.. husband cn deceive u..but ur job will always b ur lifelong partner.. But still ..It's nvr too late..start ur journey agn..b brave..u will agn conquer ur ownself
Just focus on on yourself don't feel low always be positive
Never too late.. you went through tough times like everyone else.. pretty sure good days are ahead for you..
It’s possible ..I gone through this.. I assure that you will win at the end just push yourself towards the career you will be able to make more money than him.. respect will come when you start making money always remember this time make money with experience.. don’t spend on him or house let him spend on kids and house and you save for your bad day.. if he asks say that it’s your kid you pay for them.. my kid I am doing my part by doing the house chores and be nice to him don’t fight but make more money.. start your career .. if you want help pls message me I live in USA and have two kids and managing myself with confidence and saving as much as I can..
Learn new technologies and create your freelance profile and start doing freelancing. So you can take care of your kids along with well being.
Indians will never understand the concept of a pre-nup and that’s why both man and women suffer. Once a cheater always a cheater. Give him the boot. Will he accept apologies if you had the done the same thing?. Forgive but move away. Your mental wellness is more important. Men are mere mortals not worth going to your grave for.
Why don’t you just let go of him or his behaviour ?? Why can’t you divorce, take alimony and focus on your child and your health. There’s no point in holding on to someone who doesn’t want to change. Or ignore his behaviour of flirting and be normal. Don’t suffer and spoil your health. It’s the hurt that’s running your life.
Same pattern everywhere , after becoming mother women leave career , but husband cheats , demean .what is solution of this? Not having children is solution for women to focus on career and finances so they can leave in this case and live on rent and afford food anyone suggest? Is returning on career after pregnancy is difficult? Just want suggestions for future, i am not pregnant just curious.
A cheater will always be a cheater !
Get up and stop pitting your self..get a job and build yourself of course you know the track..good luck