Comments for Post #C27104

#C27104 Responding to #c25847 OP - as difficult as it might seem right now, please call off this marriage. For all you have done and gone through being an IIT graduate, you dont deserve this, your parents dont deserve this . You dont deserve to be at the mercy of a regressive mother in law. Love alone isnt enough to lead a happy life. Love fizzles out in the face of constant mental struggles and petty battles , which you will be subjected to every day considering the mother in law characted you have described . These women from our previous generation (who are MILs now) are one of the most regressive and oppressive women on this planet. I wish they get a taste of their own medicine some day. I could have written this. Is your boyfriend’s family from Bihar / Jharkhand ? Sorry to all readers who will come at me for saying “Bihar” but I am being direct here. Its a long held pain of my past and I have no issues mentioning the state and people who hurt me and left me with life long trauma. Before coming at me maybe teach your people to behave and think properly and treat others with genuine respect and not trash. Anyways, this is EXACTLY same as what I went through. I was 25 years old, he was probably 30 . I dont remember now. Met him during TCS training at trivandrum. He taught our class. He took me into his world and made me see and do things I had never done before. Shopping , movies .. trips . Life was good . It was awesome . I thought and felt I was truly in love. I was not looking at marriage but his family was . Intercaste, and not likeable by his side or mine but we tried our best to convince our families. His mom interviewed me. I was very young and scared but knew nothing better, thought maybe this is how it is. She once visited where her son lived (and I too lived around) and when I met her , she made me press her legs ! Her son told me “mummy ka pair dabao” . And I did . I didnt know any better . I thought , ok maybe its just one time thing . Let me not think too much about it . She may mean well , let me consider her as a mother figure . Marriage talks progressed . My parents visited their home. They were made to feel “ladki wale”. Talks were minimum, showing boys side attitude. My parents were cordial and came back. They harassed us for dates , citing this and that and kundali issues Finally set a date. I was growing increasingly uneasy. The universe was telling me , something is not right but I also couldnt say what wasnt. Dowry , gold- I said we dont do all these things . My parents will give what they can . We dont demand stuff in our side . Not sure if this was conveyed but it surely wasnt taken in a good way. The last straw was me ovehearing a phone conversation. His mom goes like “ wo log (our family girls side) aaega aur chup chap baithega , jaega” sab humare marzi se hoga . Unka kuch nahi chalega . I was stunned . Is this what they think of us ? Is what we are for them ? Just fake courtesy ? Bossing over us instead of building a genuine relationship on respect ? This coming from the “mother” the best woman in my partner’s world. And what will they do to me once I am married. The constant taunts and provocation will never stop . My parents are well educated , we siblings are too. We are a decent middle class family and this is where we stand ? We are convent educated girls , studied well , have good jobs only to listen to all this from a lady who knows no better than to assert her authority ? No way . My parents taught me better . God gave me strength to figure out this wasnt right at all. I gathered all my strength and words and told him I do not want to go ahead with this marriage . He went from agreeing easily to aggression to confession to apology . He came to threaten me at the place I was staying with some girls . He got his mom on the phone to apologize to me. This showed his true colors - what him and his family really were. It was never me . I never mattered . It was his family and their commitments and “log kya kahenge” . Well, I ran as far as I could from this sh#t show. No amount of apology could get me trapped. Well , my side of the family knew about this alliance too and my father had to explain to everyone what happened , but that didnt stop me from calling the wedding off. Its the best thing I have done for myself . I dont know where I woulf be if not taken this step, a fairly young age. My parents accepted my decision and also appreciated me for thinking consciously and sensibly. They were proud of me for standing up for myself and my family. No one can and should put us down. I am happily married with 2 kids now. I know he is married too. I hope his now wife never had to go through I went through. I hope he treats her well. Again OP - please think clearly . My suggestion would be to step out without going any further . These situations dont improve with time, only get worse . All the best .