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Comments for Post #C27089
Submit ConfessionGender: Male11 May 2026 at 3:13 am
#C27089 26M | Ex-girlfriend (26F) wants to marry me after choosing someone else years ago - but I only see her as a friend now. What should I do? Relationships I’m a 26M and I’m genuinely confused about a big life decision. Back in college, I was in a relationship with girl. She had multiple guys interested in her, but she chose me, and over time I fell deeply for her too. We spent 3 out of 4 college years together - studying, hanging out, basically growing up together. It was my first serious relationship. After graduation, both of us got jobs. Around that time, she wanted to go abroad for higher studies, but I wasn’t interested in that path. I wanted to focus on work experience, switching companies, growing in my career, etc. Over time, I noticed she started becoming distant - emotionally unavailable, avoiding closeness, acting differently. Eventually, we mutually agreed to end the relationship and focus on ourselves, careers, and personal growth, with a “maybe in the future” kind of understanding. After the breakup, we stayed in touch and became close friends. But then I realized she was getting very close to another guy. My gut told me something was going on, so I asked her directly. She admitted she liked him and they started dating. That absolutely shocked me. Because from my perspective, we had just ended a 4-year relationship, and she moved on so quickly that it made me question whether she had feelings for him even before we ended things. That moment emotionally changed something in me. I moved on mentally after that. She dated that guy, moved abroad with him, but they broke up within about a year due to compatibility issues. We stayed in contact all these years (it’s now been around 4 years since all this happened), mostly as best friends. After her breakup, she admitted she made a huge mistake choosing the other guy and said she wanted to be with me again. She even suggested LDR at one point. But I told her honestly: the feelings I once had were gone. The trust and emotional attachment got damaged after what happened. Still, I never completely cut contact. Now the situation is different. Her family has started looking for marriage prospects within their caste, and she recently approached me saying I’m her first priority for marriage. She says she deeply loves me, calls/video calls regularly, and wants to make this work. But here’s my confusion: From my side, I care about her a lot, but more like a best friend. I don’t currently feel the same romantic love I had during college. I don’t know if that’s because: • too much time has passed, • the emotional damage never fully healed, • long distance makes emotional connection difficult, • or I’ve simply genuinely moved on. I’ve been single ever since. Not because I couldn’t date, I had opportunities but because after that experience, I didn’t want emotional chaos again. So I focused on myself, career, travel, personal growth, and honestly became comfortable being alone. Now if I consider marriage with her, it’s not a small decision. There are practical complications too: She currently works abroad in a good company. • Her ideal plan is that we marry, I move abroad, we earn there for a few years, then settle in India. • That means I’d potentially need to switch from my current India-based MNC role to something internationally aligned. • Both families currently don’t know about this possibility. • Convincing parents would be another huge step. My biggest fear: What if I marry her because of history, comfort, and familiarity… but the romantic feelings never come back? Or worse: What if I’m just the “safe choice” now because the other relationship failed? At the same time, what if I’m rejecting something meaningful because of old hurt? So I’m stuck between options: Ask her for time, meet properly in India, and genuinely see if compatibility/feelings can return. Let this go and continue focusing on myself until I naturally meet someone else. Try dating other people first since I’ve never experienced any relationship besides my first one. Give this a serious second chance. I’d genuinely appreciate honest perspectives especially from people who’ve revisited old relationships or dealt with “the one that came back.”
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Comments (91)
Don't let anyone treat you like an option. Tell her clearly you are not interested in marrying her. Try meeting new people. Move on.
She came back to you because she couldn't find anyone better to replace you...
Halka Mon – Your Safe Space To Be Heard
You are just an option dude. Be a man, don’t ever choose someone who didn’t choose you because of other person in their life.
Red flag all the way....you are simply the most 'convenient ' solution to her current mindset ......and she knows you are a soft target
Although you're not going to do what people are saying in the comment section you'll do whatever you've decided already, you're here for just more confirmation if they meet you'll be glad. In spite of that as a younger brother I'll say that you shouldn't step ahead. You're just a good option for her not love . Now the decision is yours.
Never reopen a closed chapter...that's what my experience says...it results only in hurt and more damage...if you ask me...don't reopen this chapter...you have moved on...and convey her the same...All the best 👍
You are a safe option now dude, she did try out her options and now coming back, just wondering how did you remained a friend with her after all that, I will suggest make some new friends
She has a safe choice as you...new one can object about her past relationships so u r her priority If you choose her she can go with anybody again because she knows u can accept her again so u will be her cushion and u will be worried about her wandering and lustful nature so it's difficult to live peacefully with her and it's easy for her to live with you as u are option and available after all bullshit
Bro it may have been long back, but just cos your pain has numbed, don't forget what you felt and went through when you saw her move on like you didn't matter. You're right in thinking that you've probably never fully healed. The fact that you refrained from dating shows how deeply trust was fractured. You need to answer the question, how much of your pain was addressed, how much accountability was taken. Or was it all brushed under the rug? It's easy for people to say the past is the past, look ahead. Past is the ultimate barometer cos patterns don't change. Unless people truly work on it. With humility. See if she truly has. For all you know, her feelings maybe genuine now. But they were earlier too. I think you pedestalized her earlier and even now, giving her what she wants seems to be a high priority, probably why this has been asked here. Know your own worth, you don't have to uproot your life to fit her in. And don't have this fear that this maybe the best you ever get. You sound like you're in a good place in life currently, I would say you stop talking to her altogether till you find someone you wish to settle down with. Then reassess if you want her in your life. It's apparent she occupies a lot of space on your mind. Cut her out, go out and date mindfully. Meet new people. You'll be surprised how your thinking changes when you feel you have options. And you might find someone who chooses you for everything that you are. With whom you start on a clean slate. Without lingering resentment. Maybe someone who's emotionally available and genuinely cares. Something that feels like peace rather than a challenge. Life is challenging enough as it is
Once after breakup everything will break apart, the problem you had is still being in friend zone contacted with her, anyway she left you, let it be like that, you completly avoid the friendship and move on with your life, don't make your complicated after patching up with her.. move on broo..
Meet her when she comes to India .. live with her for a few months. Then you both should make a decision Openly communicate about your insecurities with her and observe her reaction and how she makes you feel after that talk
If she was asking to come back too soon after your breakup with her, it could be just rebound thing or she got hurt by the one she went with. She did that at that point, but didn't accept. But now if she is telling this after so much time, that means it has more serious thought behind it. That's the first thing one should be clear about, it's not an impulsive decision. Now, the question arises why that serious thought led her to you again. There can be few possibilities: 1. She didn't find a better option : she tried only one, so even if that's the thing it's not that bad for you. 2. She Loves you: This can be true irrespective of her deeds. That she left you. Look, your breakup was not really a bad one. The pathways were not aligning..so both moved apart. She chose soemone who aligns more. People will say if she loved, she must have stayed. True, but I don't know how many really understand in current world how many appreciate finding a true ideal kind of love is almost impossible. You may not be her highest priority but you meant something for her always. She kept graet amount of contact, asked to comeback again and again. Appreciated you as a good human being and one you she loves. If someone is coming back to someone because they don't have another option she found better ( she didn't try much again) or she felt safe with you...if people think it as bad then what they will tell about arrange marriage? These are the things based on which an arrange marriage is based and sometime more materiastic....why people don't say against it then? bcoz it is a societal norm? 3. Pressure of marriage: That brings me to the next point, she is exactly stuck in an arrange marriage pressure now. Why it is bad if she wants someone to be her partner who has good connection, who had shared something meaningful once. Again. she is not doing it suddenly, she always expresssed her interest to be with you from her last relationship didn't work. If somone is keep choosing you, isn't that mean anything beacuse she chose another person once? Mind that she didn't cheat...she went when you broke up. can say she already saw the option, thats why broke up...could be true but again that's how mostly life is....the world is not ideal. Look, if you are going for an arranged marriage as well then surely you are taking even higher risk. Someone is choosing you because they found your love worthy is much better than someone choosing you because of your materiastic qualities. Now I feel you also have something for her. Maybe it's not that flood of love, maybe the breakup made your trust fragile but one thing you know you two go along great. Keeping best friends with ex points to great compatibiliteis. Now, lets come to romantic love....yes that is a real issue....but good thing is you don't need to take a decision right now. According to me,you two surely deserve another chance. You try to build again with her....meet her in person....try physical closeness slowly...like holding hands....a soft touch...maybe hugging...if it goes well it should lead to intimacy very naturally. You will know if you have romantic connection or not. But surely give 2 years for minimum...see if she is really serious now...if she really wants to amke it work....irrespective of those reasons these things will matter..the effort matters...the connection matters...the love you once had matters. I hope it works out between you two, because having the first love as the eternal love of your life is definitely one of the sweetest feelings and trust me very few are lucky enough to have that. ☺️
If u are in two minds answer is no... Nobody can take life partner choice decision with options and standby u have been treated as her best option at present
The answer is in your question. You already said you don’t want to. What is the issue
Chutiya bna rhi h.usare options try krne k bad tum hi usko safe place lage islia wapas aa gyi Us chakar me jat bro Shanti sedusri ladki dekh
If you can't cut off, it's bcoz your mind says it. It's accepted. But if you don't have any thought about marrying her, don't choose her as your spouse. You ll regret it later.
Bhai mai naa sehta. Long story short you are just an option, don't make the same mistake twice. You are far more aware of reality. It's just a saying ki kuch saal bahar kama ke Laut aaenge, most of the cases never happens
Yes...dont go for her.. Just avoid..she is not coming back for you...
after reading entire post : 1) You only see her as bestfriend now. 2) The 4 points that you mentioned as confusion 3) Her POV is exactly the same for you. So don't marry her.
This is red flag 🚩, Don’t marry. She understand what she has drawback. Why she didn’t told the actual root Cause of breaking up. Another trap is moving abroad, you will be dependent visa and she will drive yours life. Getting job bases of your visa status is very difficult. She wants her all comfort without changing or bending herself I suggest best, discuss all points do you have in your mind. And suggest her to move India and build relationships and career here. Check her , how much she can sacrifice for you. Lastly, don’t go all Instagram pictures of abroad, that’s makes you attractive. As everyone knows “The grass looks greener at a distance”
Brother run... Be practical... Keep it till friendship only... She may get attached to other guy after marriage... Then you will left with option of video call again
Don't marry her or even emotionally attach yourself to her. She will cheat you again. Past behavior is a strong predictor of future actions. Bro just keep your attachment to friendship level only. There will be someone better for you.
Please understand that you were never your first priority and now the best option to marry is you so she is settling down with you, but in future if she'll find someone better she might go with him because she never got attached to u emotionally. Don't fall for the lies again, live your life and stop being confused and find someone who genuinely wants you
I know you are already mentally fixed not to marry her but you are here for our opinions.
Once trust is broken it's difficult.
U dont know that she ever cheated u . U only know that she moved on after breakup . I dont see any reason u shud be hurt about it . Some moveon fast, some mourn the relation for months/years Nonetheless , I still think u shouldn't go ahead with this marriage . U r not interested in her, generally arent eager to marry any1 right now , not eager to relocate , family will have problem. There is no good reason to pursue this . Marriage shud only happen when one TRULY wants it and longs to have that commitment for life long , u are just not there yet , she is , so let her start that journey with a suitable partner . I advice u to maintain distance once shes married , on/off relationships are often cause of friction post marriage . If u need a certified counsellor, whatsapp me +91 9819850818
The problem seems like you are emotionally connected...let her be your friend
Leave her it's simple... Peace of mind more important
You are her retirement plan. Now you decide if you want that.
Block her and move on bro. Don't be someone retirement plan
Don't go for marriage with her. Never. She is not right person for you, she has always seen you as an option, tbh.
Bhai kisi se shaadi karle ...isse maat kar. Rebounds never work. She is evil. Kutta palle billi palle.....galat faemi na pal. She will fuck your life bigtime
Block her, idiot She left you for someone else Then found that you were better She came back to you Now if you accept her There is no guarantee that she won't find someone else better than you in future Then she'll leave you again for someone else The search continues Why do you want to enter the loop again if you have already escaped once?
Go to jyotish good one not remedy sellers see what married life would be ...
Ghost for 6 months then see what happens
Don't you think, you are just an option for her? If she gets better in future, she will not choose you again. Move on brother and if possible cut off all the ties.
Block her, she will do the same thing after marriage
Run away mate, u r only a safe option, move on
you were and are a backup plan brother. She doesn’t deserve you. Also when she started distancing from you for the first time. She already had the backup plan ready. Find a better you person.You deserve it.
Dont marry her.
DONT GO BACK. She is reconciling after guilt hit her. It's better if you tell her you cannot do it. You are simply the easiest option for her
Just because a poison tastes good, u dont need to drink it. Do not go back to her no matter what!
No, just no : ) god bless u
Save your life bro. A big No ❌ What if she again choose Simeon after you marry her! She has done same thing already. She does not care about your feeling
Give to him once more chance
You were the backup guy. Don't go ahead it's a red flag cut all contact...If you marry her you will be a fool...
Bro run
Just say No and move on buddy
Broo! Don't ever think/dream like that! Clearly a red flag move! Don't.. don't dont!! That's it
Tell her frankly, you donot want to marry ..
When someone says that u are her first priority then this statement could make a very bad impact all together if think properly. She is stating that she is the prize or award and she wanted someone to earn it and she choosing u as the first person fight for it. But this is a relationship and this kind of mindset is not good in a healthy and compatible relationship. Just move on bro.
Don't have time to read this essay.. NO means no... 💀
Move on concentrate in your career and life..
Bro Now U r just an Option for her ,not a choice...
Never become anyone Option
Stop wasting your time thinking about her, drafting such posts. You are wasting your energies. Get a passion and work on it. You will eventually have options. Work had bro. Make it big
she once left you. which means she will leave you if she find someone better than you
Bhaag bhai bhaag.
Bro you are not her Choice ur just option for her don't do it
No She's not your choice But of options Forget her ever No.LDR Sorry dear* Reply her
bhai phle ldki se cutoff kro
Have some Self Respect and man up. Don't be an Option and save yourself from hell. Good luck
Dont be a tissue paper
रहिमन धागा प्रेम का, मत तोड़ो चटकाय।टूटे से फिर ना जुरे, जुरे गाँठ पड़ जाय॥ Woh bulati hai magar jane ka nahi
Let her marry the guy chosen by her parents.
Don't fall for it
She's been run thru 365 days ... No wayyyyy to get back to her
You know her very well, still want to suffer?
Can you see her as someone else's wife? If yes, you've got your answer. Destiny too plays a role. But she has hurt you deeply and doesn't deserve you.
I dont accept u turns lol
Nah bro dont
Chatgpt writing
do not give her any chance...what if she leaves u after marriage? so better avoid her and see ur life only...do not ever make mistake by marrying her now and suffer later
Bro she is a red flag, just cut her existence and move on
Run dude
She took you for granted
Simp
Big ❌
DON'T.
Stay away from her. She is a gold digger..
If you have one ounce of self respect left in your soul... Don't.
thuk kar usey chatne wali baat hogayi ....
Chot lagi thi kya sar pe Bachpan me... Itne bewakoof log hain duniya me. Do one thing Khud ke post ko dubara se padho samajh aaega what all is wrong
If there was one example of human as red flag...she is the one..run away...find another girl for yourself and settle.. moreover, stop this best friend bullshit...You are a backup..
I dont understand after breakup y keep contact with that slag???
Dont marry her
Never, and you should have blocked her everywhere. You are 26 and still can't decide what's better for you!!
Probably out of all the options she had and expired, you perfectly fits as useful idiot in her perspective Rest is your take
what the fuck did I just read? Someone left you went away with another person, spend a year with them and now they want to be back with you, and you Chu are even considering. Not even a percentage of respect for yourself. Also, you said you didnot date because you wanted to focus on your career, let me say it this way, you were not interested in love but craved it in heart. But no girl was actually interested in you to show that, so, you stayed single. And how low are your standards dude, your ggirl at that time went to abroad with someone, obviously might have had sexual relationships with him. How can you even consider someone who has had sex with someone else leaving you, and now she wants to comeback because you were genuinely nice to her and its in her benefit if you actually accept her cause she might not get someone who actually loves her and that is her issue. Fuck off is what you have to say.
Chutia kaat rhe he tera..ur the last option..fas jaega bro
Never ever lick your spit